I am standing in front of Cara's apartment door awkwardly. I rang the bell for several times before, but apparently nobody's home. Great, talk about bad timing. I close my eyes and lift my hand up to massage my temple. I'm starting to feel a bit lightheaded now the last surge of adrenaline is running off. The past week of emotion roller coaster ride is draining me out, especially my last talk with Sophie. It's killing me to hurt her like that, but it would be worse for her if I stick around only to keep a promise. She's right. Love is a pain in the ass and it doesn't always have to make sense. Most of the time, it won't. But we will go with it anyway, since there's no other options left for us. What's life without the grand old love anyway? Absolutely nothing. Cara might be a pain in the ass sometimes, but she's my pain in the ass. Most of us spend a good part of our lives trying to find the perfect one, when what we should do is to find the perfect match. The one who might have bumps and dents on it, but somehow it fits well with our own cracks. The last piece of the puzzle to reveal the complete picture of life as it is. Chaotic, yet so dazzling and absolutely terrifying.
She's not home. What now? Going back home now is absolutely anti climatic. I am so not down with dealing with the mess I've made from a canceled wedding. Amy has promised me to deal with that until everything with Cara has been settled. Until I get her back. Rushing to her apartment first thing in the morning, I was aiming for the famous doorstep moment. But sadly it requires the other party to be present at the moment. None of the romantic movies that I've seen taught me on how to deal with this situation. Usually the romantic interest would magically appeared and the main character would launched into a big speech on love and second chances. I guess I should have expected this, since romcom isn't her kind of movies. If we have it her way, there would be a serial killer lurking behind my back or probably an explosion went off downstairs. Or maybe both. Who knows, right?
"Are you lost, love?" An amused voice is coming from behind me. When I search around to find the source of the enticing voice, I see Cara coming off from the elevator. She's grinning widely at me, looking completely delighted to find me on her doorstep. I guess I'll get my doorstep moment after all.
"Since the last time I checked, this is not a church. And you," she eyes me up and down, "are not in your wedding dress."
"Gee. Thanks for the keen observation, Sherlock." I snicker at her. I take a deep breath and mentally preparing myself for my big speech. I had it prepared on the way here, but my instinct tells me that it's best to just go with whichever feels right at the moment. No more well rehearsed moves and careful planning. Now it's time to stick with the truth and nothing less.
"I did lost for a while. I got myself comfortable with this perfect place out there. It was fine. But after a while, I realized that it's not home."
As I speak, I'm moving towards her until she's only an arm length away from me. Her breath hitched from our closeness. Her previous bravado is all gone, being replaced with uncertainty. Her eyes are full of questions, pleading silently for me to clear away the clouds from above our heads. I hope the way I'm looking at her right now is enough to tell everything that she needs to know about us.
"She's not home, Cara. You are."
"But what about everything that you've said before? On how you just can't be with me? What have changed?"
"When you showed up again, so close to the wedding, your words got into my head. I tried to force it out, but goddammit, you really made me thought about everything again." My confession gets her mouth twitches into a cute crooked smile.
"I thought about my choices, trying to make my mind up, weighting all of the options. Then I realized that this wasn't some kind of mathematical problems, which adds up one plus one into two. My logic has failed when my heart finally won. It only had one option and it's you. It chose you. I chose you."
