Jaspar One-Shots

The Reverse Of Medicine (2)

Summary: Sequel to 'Hard Time Forgetting You' so I would suggest reading that first. You don't have to.
WARNINGS: Swearing.

Dear Joe,

I'm sorry.
You don't understand, and I don't think you ever will to be honest. Things just aren't the same anymore, time is changing. And as the weather is growing colder, it appears to me like your heart is too.
All of this isn't fair from my point of view. I never wanted any of this to happen, but it did and there's obviously nothing I can do to stop that. I'm not leaving. Just putting that out there. Even though I am very close, like you said, to getting kicked out of school.

When I first read your letter I was shocked to be fair, I didn't know any of this was happening. I just thought it was a normal day, a normal week, a normal year yet you were at war with yourself because of me.
Me.
Well, big news. I'm at war with myself too. But not because of you, once again, because of me.
Me.

When I tried to talk to you about the letter, you ignored me. Why? You spill out all your feelings and then pretend like nothing's happened? Do you know how frustrating that is? I'm not some kind of robot, I can't just forget. It's not always that easy.
You said about me liking a girl? Who was that? I don't like anybody, and who gave you the right to decide who I like? You'll know who I like once I fricking say it, don't start making things up and telling them to everybody.

I'm not happy with myself. Might come off as a bit of a shock, I don't care. None of this is equal. You can't write me a letter, blaming all your sorrows on me. I haven't done anything wrong, it wasn't my choice for you to fall in love with me.
As you might of guessed, yes, I don't like you back. Thought you should know, apologies if it's tough.

I know I seem cruel, and mean. I didn't want to come off this way, but I'm just putting how I feel, like you did.
There will be other people other than me. People who will love you back and treat you better and give you flowers everyday or something like that. But I won't. I'll treat you like shit. You don't want to be obsessed with me, and you certainly don't want to be called mine.
I know it seems like a long shot, but if I wasn't so messed up maybe I'd like you back.

I'm sorry. I know I've said this a lot.
I'm sorry everything is so bad. And I'm sorry I'm breaking your heart. And I'm sorry that you now know that I won't ever be with you.
Sorry about everything else, too.

But guess what? This isn't some freaking fairytale. I'm not going to come along and sort out all your problems; I have enough problems. I've had enough of everything. I'm not going to be your prince in shining armour, and I'm not going to help you. I'll make you worse. I'm like the reverse of medicine. Surely the reverse of medicine would make you ill? I don't know.
And before I save you, you need to try to save yourself first. And I'm not going to save you, so you need to save yourself. Take care of yourself.

And I'm really sorry about all of this, but you need to understand that.

From Caspar.

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