Crack Attack: A Collection of One-Shots and Other Disturbing Shit

Repel Wore Off (Posh Life 3; The Pack)

The final part of the "Posh Life" series set the in Flower Mob/Crazy Craft universe requested by Iamaspookyghost. I couldn't resist. This chapter was written while listening to "Living in the Sunlight" by Tiny Tim (see above).

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Rob:

"Eeee! Eeee-eeeee! Hiss! Hisssssss! EEEEE! EEEEEEEE! EEEEEEEE-" The screeching continues for a few more seconds, muffled inside my mouth, before a resounding crunch restores silence to the meadow. A small wave of relief passes through the flowers spilling out over the edge of the hilly biome as the terrified shrieking stops and the splash of hot red blood flows down the back of my throat. I pull back on my main stem and settle back into the damp dirt patch at the top of my base, my leaves giving a little shiver as the bright sunlight begins to warm them up again. Photosynthesizing is amazing, yeah, but a little meat is nice every once in a while, and Zubats are an easy, cheap, reliable source of food. What other creature is stupid enough to fly directly past a predator that is a hundred times their size? At this point, I'm convinced that the only thing keeping them from extinction on this server is Lachlan's irrational attachment to the horrid things. What he doesn't know won't hurt him.

I swallow the juicy, bloody morsel and wince as I feel the creature's scratchy, wiry fur tickle the back of my throat. It tastes greasy in an unclean kind of way. Not only that, but there's this terrible aftertaste that I have never had before. Whatever this Zubat was eating before I ate it, it had no right eating it. Fresh meat isn't supposed to taste sour and bitter like this. I need something else to get rid of the taste.

I slowly pull my roots out of the rich dirt and drape them over the side of the roof, using them to carefully climb down off of the second storey of my base. A polite silence falls over the flowers in the field as I pass, straining all of my eyes to find something that doesn't reflect the meadow's vibrant colors back at me. Finally, I see it at the base of the hill, munching away on the daisies growing there and sending shrill screams through the warm suntime air. The cow doesn't have a chance to run by the time it sees me, and I send a thick, sharp root through the side of its body, the diamond-hard root cap snapping through its ribs like a TNT blast in a straw house. Its heavy body slumps down into the grasp of my network of roots and the remaining flowers cheer as a spray of thick, red blood showers down on their brightly colored petals. My subjects appreciate my generosity as much as my victim appreciates my compassion. Unlike others in my phylum, I don't force my meals to suffer before I consume them, although the adrenaline rush adds a nice flavor to the meat.

It takes several minutes to consume the entire cow, and I snag an ocelot on the way back to my base, hoping its tangy meat will help to kill the remainder of the putrid aftertaste from the Zubat. The wolves are smart enough to keep their distance while they watch me devour the bulk of the cow, but the ocelots just can't seem to contain their enthusiasm; this happens every time, so leaving scraps creates a steady source of food. My stomach is about halfway full of heavy meat and it's difficult to walk back to my base. My xylem is full of the syrupy, fatty combination of stomach acid and warm meat. I didn't mean to eat so much, but the bitterness of the rancid Zubat was just too much. I churn up the dirt in the middle of the clearing and sink my roots down into the soil before stretching my stem up toward the glowing sun. This is going to take forever to digest.

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Preston:

Why's no one freaking home today? The casino doesn't even open for another three days but no one's home and no one's at Spawn. There's no one to explore with or do PVP with or trick into doing parkour and it's gettin' kinda lonely, all these empty rooms, just watching the hours tick by... The best way to turn three days into an eternity is to sit around and watch the sun move. Fudge this. I'm gonna go make Rob entertain me. The pleb can have a job for a day.