Crack Attack: A Collection of One-Shots and Other Disturbing Shit

Proofless - Chapter 9

Warning: Please don't read this if you are under the age of consent in your country or state, or in public. Making faces makes people ask questions.

To thank you for supporting this extensive collection of crack, enjoy this feature-length soul-torturing session. Happy 69th update, friends!

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           When the door opens early in the afternoon, the panic immediately starts to set in. There's no way that she came back down here just for shits and giggles or because she forgot something - she is dressed to the nines in her Sunday best with her make-up and hair done. She looks like a semi-normal human now, except for the horrifying too-wide grin outlined with bright, blood red lipstick. I don't want a part in this, whatever it is. She closes the door behind her with the usual click and she just stands there leaning against it, the smile on her face and her hands clasped behind her back. She sighs in contentment and continues staring at us for at least another minute before she finally comes forward, obviously with something hidden behind her back. I want to look at Preston to see what his reaction is, but I'm too afraid to look away from her.

"Just look at you two. So cute!" She beams even wider and she walks up to the end of the bed, dangerously close to my throbbing foot. Then she brings her hand forward, revealing a dozen pure white roses in a red and gold foil paper. What the fuck is going on? "Aren't they beautiful? They're as sweet as you, honey." She brings them up so she can smell them before she lays them on the bed down between our feet, still looking thrilled with herself. Preston looks completely appalled and I can't imagine what I look like right now. She backs away from the bed and pulls out her phone to take another slew of pictures before she sets it down on the dresser and goes back to staring at us dreamily. This is fucking weird, even for her.

"So, uh... What're the flowers for?" he finally asks, breaking the silence and my concentration. There is no way that either of us would be able to get the watch open in time to do anything useful with it; there wouldn't be enough time to escape and none of the pieces were big or sharp enough for us to be able to hold her off long enough to get out of the cuffs. Once again, we are trapped down here at her mercy. Luckily, she just laughs airily at his question.

"Today's a very special day, you silly goose! Why'd you think you spent so long getting ready this morning? We even trimmed Robbie's beard." Yeah, and my face is still itching from you not using shaving cream and giving me razor burn and three dozens cuts and nicks. I try not to make a face and she doesn't seem to notice. "We're finally reading Chapter 9 and you know what happens in Chapter 9. Today... " She pauses as she digs something out of a pocket in her dark red beaded sweater, "you two cuties are getting married."

"What?" The word comes out without my permission and she doesn't seem amused.

"You have to get married! I mean, you clearly do whatever the heck you want, Robbie, but for a good Christian like Preston to give away his love, he has to be married first. Isn't that right?" Preston is drifting along in a whole new dimension of shock and doesn't look like he is capable of answering. She just nods in approval. "That's right. You showed me the good word of Jesus, honey. I'll never let Him go, just like I'll never let you go." Somehow, I don't think that was what Jesus had in mind. There is a long, awkward silence before she rolls up on the tips of her toes and claps her hands together in excitement and she flips through the tiny pocket Bible in her hand, looking for something. Now I understand what the new clothes were for: Preston is dressed all in black in a t-shirt and the too-familiar basketball shorts he was wearing when she abducted us, and I am dressed all in white in a white t-shirt and weirdly short shorts. I guess I should have seen this coming with the way that she looks at me and acts toward me. I don't say anything or even look over at Preston but I feel my ring muscles clench defensively. I need to think of something, anything to get us out of this. There is only one place this is going, and it doesn't sound like a good time to me.