Crack Attack: A Collection of One-Shots and Other Disturbing Shit

Time Turner (The Pack)

This collaboration is long overdue - I'd like to introduce you to my ten-year-old self, FlamingRavenclaw. He has been patiently waiting for me to get my ass in gear for the last fourteen years and let him out of the cage to speak again. Enjoy!

---

"Hey Jerome?" Mitch said.

"Yeah Mitch?" Jerome said.

"Do you like me?" Mitch asked.

"Do you like me?" Jerome asked.

"I asked you first!" Mitch yelled.

"But I axed you a question and I have a real axe!" Jerome yelled. Then Mitch screamed and ran away but Jerome chased him in the woods and they ran toward the village. The villagers heard them screaming and they called The Pack to come save them from the monster screaming in the woods but when Vikk tried to get all The Pack together to go save the villiage he couldn't find Mitch and Jerome, and Preston thought that was funny and started singing a song about them slurping in a tree because he knew why they weren't three with them just like always. Lachlan got scared and tried to hide behind Vik but he was too tall and he just knocked Vik over and they fell over and they fell over on each other and they accidentaly ksised and Preston started singing about Vik and Lachlan slurping on the grass. ROb was too busy picking flowers to pay attention and he looked up and everyone was starring at him and he was confused. So he giggled. When Rob giggled, Preston blushed and Lachlan pointed at him and started singing the slurping song in the grass about Rob and Prestn and Vikk slarped him exactly six times to get his big giant feet off his head so he could stand up and try to find out what to do because not all The Pack was there. Then Rob tried to put a flower crown on Preston's head because Rob liked Preston and Preston knew Rob liked him too and Rob knew Preston liked him and Preston knew Rob knew Preston liked Rob and everybody knew it. So he slapped the flower crown out of Rob's hand because he's a cactus and that's not how you like a cactus.

"You're a dumb derp and I hate you." Preston yelled and that made Rob cry and Lachlan laughed and Rob cried harder because that was mean.

"Guys look its the monster!" Vik said qietly and they went and hid next to the farm in the village and they waited for the monster to appear. But all they saw was Mitch running from Jerome but he always did that. And they didn't know why Lachland had to stop sleeping and Preston had to stop eating and Vik had to stop mining and Rob had to stop picking flower to come all the way over here to watch Merome happen again.

"I'm going home." Preston announced and he turned around and left and Rob didn't want to go with him this time because Poofless isn't real when Prestons being mean. It's too late to apologize. It's too late. It's too late to apologize. It's too late. (Get it? It's a song.) But before Preston, Rob, Vik, and Lachlan could get away Jerome caught Mitch but his hoodie and pulled him down and started smacking him with the flat side of Betty! but the sunglight shined off the side of Betty! and it reflected up on the side of Jerome and Betty!'s treehouse up in the treee next to the village and it started the tree house on fire. And since the treehouse was up in the tree, the flaming (Get it?) treehouse set the tree on fire and everything started burning and everyone screamed. Except Lachlan. Lachlan just laughed. Then everybody started running and screamed and Vik pulled out his water bucket but it glitched then there was none. And Rob cried because fire means all the flowers die. And they were pretty flowers too. And Mitch died from blunt-force trauma (I liked CSI before they killed the good boss guy and now it sucks) from the axe chops but nobody noticed because everything was on fire. But the fire kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger until it was all there was in the world.

Jerome burned down the tree house and killed everyone else and then he watched it all burn and he cried because he liked Mitch but he didn't really like Preston.

The end!!!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Chapter Two:

Jerome cried and cried and cried but his teasr couldn't put out the fire and it kept spreading until it got to the village then it killed all the screaming villagiers and they called for The Pack but they couldn't come because Jerome killed them. Then Jerome threw Betty! in the fire and then he jumped in the fire too because he had nothing left to live for.

The end!!! For rael this time!!!

Please read FlamingRavenclaw's stories because they're funny and gross and they give me nightmares and I die everytime I read one and it hurts my ded soul. Bye!!!