Crack Attack: A Collection of One-Shots and Other Disturbing Shit

New Year's Eve (Midgerome)

 Warning: This chapter is not for smut virgins or anyone who tries to avoid sexually explicit content. This chapter is set in the same AU as "Her," although it isn't necessary to read that story to suffer through this.
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"Mitch, they're gonna wonder where we went." He pulls me firmly by the wrist through the back door of Ryan's house and into the kitchen. I look behind us real quick to see if anyone's following, but it looks like Alex and Ryan and Kayla and the dogs're all too busy eating shitty hamburgers and stale ass chips to even notice we're gone. Mitch is just drunk enough that he's more ballsy than usual and after five minutes of not-so-inconspicuously massaging my ass on the patio swing, I have a feeling he isn't bringin' me in here to set up a prank for the Milk Man. Damn, that's a visual I don't need right now. Not when I'm hard.

"Let them wonder. Even Kato is drunk, dood." He lets go of me long enough to open the fridge and he leans casually against the freezer door so his hip bone is rubbing against the cold metal. This guy'll hump anything won't he? And I used to think he was uptight! "Does he still have the guest room upstairs?"

"Yeah. He didn't have enough crap to fully fill it up. I think there's an exercise bench in there." He turns and looks at me with a sly grin before he starts pulling things out of the fridge and piling them up against his chest.

"That sounds perfect. You should head up there and clean it off so we can do some lifting." He doesn't hafta ask me twice. I check around behind us and there's still no one else coming. I creep upstairs and don't turn any lights on so it won't make anyone suspicious. I throw the pile of Axe-scented dirty shirts from the Godfather's last trip over in the corner on the roachy rug and carefully brush the dog hair off on the floor. Who knows what Mitch has planned this time? A couple minutes later, he strolls in through the door and sets everything down on an unpacked box of something and I help him push the empty bookshelf over in front of the lockless door to keep anyone from barging in on us.

"Looks good. Now what?"

"Take a seat, Jerome." He gently pushes against my chest and walks me back to the cheap metal exercise bench. I see his shadow on the wall as he walks over to his pile of snacks from the fridge and I hear a plastic box pop open. He puts it next to him on the floor and leans in to press our lips together. I feel something round and cold being pushed into my mouth and I accept it eagerly, barely missing his tongue as I bite into it. He darts in and tries to steal it away, but I can't let him have it because I don't know what it is. What if it's something good? I take another bite and I immediately thrust it back in his mouth.

"Dammit, Benj. That's too healthy." He laughs and reaches over to run his fingers under the pant leg of my shorts and along my thigh.

"You don't like grapes?"

"I like grape flavoring. But real grapes taste like toilet water."

"How are you so picky with food? You're willing to eat me, but you won't eat a grape?"

"You taste better." I stuff my tongue back in his mouth to shut him up and I feel him laugh into the kiss. The box of little green alien balls goes sliding across the wood floor as he reaches around to grab something else. I start unzipping his hoodie and I slide it off his bare shoulders and throw it on the floor behind him before I break away long enough to pull my shirt off over my head. I feel something wrinkled being pressed against my lips and I hesitate for a second before I let it in. The salty, spicy taste fills my mouth as it forces my mouth open wider and wider and wider. He starts moving it in and out like it's mouth-fucking me and I reach up and grab it out of his hands. "If that's the meat stick, Ryan's gonna be so pissed at us."

"So what if it is? How does that sausage taste, Biggums? Is it big enough for you?"

"If you don't take this back downstairs, I'm gonna hafta shove it up somewhere tight and sweet to make it worth the bitching. And I don't think you want that happenin' here, do you?" He jams the huge meaty stick back in my mouth to shut me up. I can't help but picture it, though. And he moans and groans about how much I stretch him out. He'd be walking like a Texas cowboy for two weeks if I stuck this in there. Might be worth trying sometime. Maybe I can get him to try it for my birthday.