Crack Attack: A Collection of One-Shots and Other Disturbing Shit

Whitewashed (TBNRfrags)

Please review the warnings for this book before continuing. Other than that... Happy election season, fellow Americans!

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June 8, 2017

"Come on, Preston! You're getting slow in your old age!" Keeley laughs as she beats me to the line of shopping carts crashed up together right inside the store. She pulls one out and takes off down past the registers with her fire engine red hair flying behind her like a cape. I don't know why but I grab another cart and run after her while an old lady glares at me from her register. Not my problem her job sucks. We ain't doing nothin' that bad. Keeley stops to look back at me and it's just enough for me to catch up to her. "Took ya long enough. Dad's gonna be eighty by the time we give him his present." I give her a dirty look and she just purses her lips in a too-familiar look and shakes her hair back over her shoulder while she struts away. Why's she gotta be so much like me? It's freakin' creepy as all get out.

"I don't see you volunteering to pay, Little Miss Speed Demon. Show me the mon-ay."

"That's your one job, Preston. Pretty soon you'll be turning into Rob Jr." I stop walking and just stand there and stare at her and her snotty grin. Then a couple weird bald guys on the right start staring at me for staring at her staring back at me and I think it's time to move on. We don't want any trouble at Target today.

"For someone who doesn't have a job, you're awful mouthy. Don't make me hafta start calling you Special K again." She sticks her tongue out as I ride the cart past her like it's a scooter until I get to the jewelry case. It's calling to me. "I still say we get him a watch, dude. He's got like everything else."

"How many times am I gonna have to tell you not to call me 'dude.' My name isn't 'Dude.' "

"Dude-ette. Whatever. Look. Watch."

"You know what a dude is, right?"

"Can we stop with the elephant butts? Just 'cause you're into that shiz don't mean I wanna hear about it, KK. You know what I'm sayin'?" She always tries not to smile but it doesn't work. She thinks she's too old for my dumb jokes, huh? The guys with the shiny bald heads and the black t-shirts and the handlebar mustaches walk past us again on their way to the grocery aisles and they turn and stare at us as they go. What the frick're they staring at? I mean, I know Keeley's hair's bright as a supernova but come on! We aren't that interesting. When they go along their merry way and stop watching us like fanboys I walk over to the expensive watch case and point at a lit gold one with a goldish quartz face and a light brown band made of real leather. On a scale of one to ten of best gifts ever, that'd be eight outta eight. "That one. It's perfect."

"He just got a new watch last year, though. We can't keep getting him the same thing over and over or else Father's Day's gonna turn into that Groundhog Day movie." I just look at her, trying to figure out what she's saying. Who knows? She's always like that. I need SparkNotes for this girl.

"Got any better ideas, Santa Freakin' Claws?" I point at her new fake fingernails and she makes an ugly face at me and tugs me back to my cart. Someday I'm gonna get that face on camera and spam it all over her Twitter and Instagram. So purtiful.

"At least get him a FitBit or something. He said he was gonna start using the treadmill again since he's only part-time at work now." I nod and think about it for a second, and that's when it hits me: it's time to go big or go home. Screw Daka and his smarmy grins. I'm all in this time.

"I know what we're gonna get him. Come on." I jack her cart and take off back the way we came to the fun part of the store. And the only good part. Electronics. I hear her cart creaking after me like it's gonna fall apart any second now, which is the whole reason I gave her the cruddy cart. Don't wanna get in trouble for breakin' the squeaky wheel off with my big butt. I touch down right next to the headphone aisle with all the locked cases of expensive stuff in it and Keeley almost crashes right into said big butt. I park my big, white, slip-proof Yeezys right in front of the overpriced Apple case and I'm not gonna move. We're either gettin' this or we're taking him out to a six-star restaurant for Father's Day. I suck at gifts and this's as good as it's ever gonna get.

"Really? Really, Preston? What's up with you and watches?"

"It's better than a regular watch and his regular watch just broke. Did you see a electronics person on the way over here?" I see her look down at the price and mouth it with a horrified look on her face while I roll my eyes and walk past her to see if there's someone who can check to see if they have any with leather wristbands. I don't wanna go all the way over to the mall on the other side of town if I don't have to. She's still standing there like a red, white, and blue mannequin starting at the yellow tag on the empty shelf when I walk by to check the other direction. Did I mention how useless little sisters are? Jeebus. I head over to press the stupid red button to call someone to come do their job and stop hiding when I almost run right into one of the big bald guys from earlier.

"Sorry. I wasn't paying attention." I turn to leave before I get my shrimp shrek'd but he's not havin' none of that. I pushed the Jenga block too far and now the whole tower's falling down.

"Don't you run from me, bitch." Crap. What do I do now? I turn and try to make a getaway but there's two more just like him standing behind me now. Crap crap crap crap crap. Where's security?! What do I do? "We been waitin' for you, nice and patient."

"Did you think we were just gonna stand 'round and let you rape one of our white daughters? Little wetback piece a shit." One of them shoves me back towards the first guy and I see the fourth and final creep walk up behind the other two with a big ol' grin on his face. I'm so screwed I can't even. I just can't even. But I'm not the only one who's in big trouble right now. I hafta get her outta here before we both end up smashed up in that glass case next to the iPads.

"K-Keeley! Run!"

"What?!" She doesn't get it. Dangit, Keels.

"Run!" I get a set of hard, hairy knuckles to the nose and I make a sound like a kicked dog. I'm not helping my case here but what else can I do? I can't run, I can't fight, and no one's coming to help. And it's in the middle of the frickin' store! Where is everybody?! Someone grabs me by the chin and holds my face up to make me look at him and his evil little empty grey eyes. He's as dead inside as I'm about to be outside.

"You think you're good enough to have a white girl? You think you're white? We'll show you white. Clean this little mothafucker up, boys." I don't even get a chance to argue with them, like it'd do any good, anyways. Nothing I can say's gonna change their minds even though I'm as white as them. Kinda. Does having dark hair and dark eyes and a bad tan from spending too much time at the pool make me not-white now? The guy in the back hands the two guys in front of me gallons of bleach and they twist off the caps less than a foot away from my face and one of 'em waves the mouth of the bottle right in front of my face to make me smell it.

"I-I'm not..." I can't even talk I'm coughing so hard and they think that's funny. Did Keeley go and get help, or is she just hiding somewhere?! Why isn't anyone coming?!

"Shoulda stayed on your side a the wall, beaner. Shoulda stayed home and eaten the brown tacos." A couple of the guys laugh but I can't see anything after they pour the thick liquid all over my head. I can barely hear anything else besides my screaming and it takes everything left in me to shut my mouth so they can't make me drink it, too. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, Jesus. This hurts. What'd I do to make them do this? Oh, God. It's like I'm on fire. Please, make it stop. I can't feel anything but my face. It's like it's being peeled off with a hot iron. What do I do?! How do I make it stop?!

"Thought Trump said he'd keep these motherfuckers outta our country." There's a clatter behind me as they toss the empty bottles on the floor and start bookin' it outta there before someone can grow some balls and come help me. Just remember their faces, Preston. Remember what they look like. Remember it real good, because they're probably the last things you're ever gonna see.

"Nah, it's the damn libs, lettin' 'em in the back door. Gettin' a good deal: not payin' taxes and they have these fuckers cleanin' their houses for free while they smoke their weed. Bet they're hiding 'em down in the basement like they did with the fuckin' Jews. Gotta get rid a the hippies next, I'm tellin' ya."

"Send 'em to Canada!" Someone laughs and I can barely hear them anymore as they walk away. I just wanna pass out. I don't wanna feel it anymore. Just knock me out and wake me up in a year when it's all over. I don't wanna feel it anymore. Just make it all stop. Please, Lord. I'm not strong enough for this.

"Where'd the little burrito sucker go? Wouldn't mind a piece of that ass after all we did for her. Crazy little bitch."