Crack Attack: A Collection of One-Shots and Other Disturbing Shit

Creepy Noochonomics

"A one. A t-wo. A three. Snag!" The Creeper rockets up into the sky one block in front of my Nooch Bot and I try to snap the screen shot, but it takes me just a couple milliseconds too late. I change my viewpoint and watch it zoom back down to the ground and disintegrate in a cloud of gunpowder and sadness. "I'll have some nice experience orbs waiting down there for me when I finally get done here. Levels, boys." I snag another Creeper and tug it up like a spring, changing the angle just an instant too late again. Damn it. "I'm out of Creepy-Creeps."

I look around Rob's derpy giant screaming snowman and that's when I see it: the mob pit. No one's online right now, anyways, so who's going to mind if I kill a couple of mobs for them? I'm just making their base safer. No one can blame me for that, right? I beast it over to their mob-sh pit and leap over the trench, watching in satisfaction as a few more Creepers drop down into the bowl. Perfectamundo. I scramble up on one of Choco's artsy lava things and I start fishing for Creepers again.

"A one. A t-wo. A three." I missed the screen shot. I get more than one try with each Creeper over here, though. I hook the little scowling, armless mini-Preston and watch it bounce up into the sky. But all the ssses in the world couldn't keep it afloat. It crashes and burns down in the mob moat in a dusty pile. I grab the next Creeper and yank it up for the ride of its life, but when the viewpoint changes, the hissing is still going. "No. No, no, no." I can't waste any more durability on this trip or Vik is going to slaughter me IRL. I smack the Creeper and the ugly little sucker takes off like an aeroplane, zooming through the air like he don't know nobody. It might have been funny if he wasn't such an angry son of a bitch.

Sharpness IV wasn't enough. Down, down, down he went, but Iron Golems don't kill Creepers. It's a shame, because Creepers kill a shit ton of villagers. I look around me once, twice, three times. I even check behind myself in real life. There's no one around to see this.

"I can fix this. I can do it." I still have twenty minutes of play time before Coder cusses me out again. "Can we fix it? Yes, we can!" I can't stop laughing as I jump down and start picking up the pieces, trying to keep the rest of the humming, mumbling, grumbling villagers in their little playpen.

I wasn't quick enough. Of course he was watching the livestream. Of course he was. What else would he be doing?

ChocotheChocobo has joined the game.

ChocotheChocobo > Mat.

ChocotheChocobo > What.

ChocotheChocobo > Did.

ChocotheChocobo > You.

ChocotheChocobo > Do?

N00CH > I was catfishing for creeps.

N00CH > I activated the trap card.

N00CH > I help. :D

ChocotheChocobo > No! No more helping!