Her Soft Blue Eyes (Grey's Anatomy)

Chapter 34: Realizations

I know Ellis is a cold-hearted mom, but she's Ellis! Shonda created her, not me... I think you'll love this chapter cause I do. Thanks to those who nominated me:)) Also I used some song lyrics in this chapter, they are in italicizes.

I dedicate this chapter to the following who nominated me (comment if I forgot you)

mcanatomy lynn_is_fab @pickachu1212 @lucyliulaughter @Greys-Fan101 @judyandrews69
@m_l_u_

Derek's POV

I slowly made my way to the tin doors of my lifeless trailer, with my sore, paining body. My body just went through an excruciatingly long surgery, 14 hours to be exact. But that's not the only reason my body was hurting. While leaving the hospital trying to make my way towards the ferry boat dock, I saw Meredith with red puffy eyes sitting outside hugging her knees on the bench. She obviously had been crying, and I felt like someone punched me in the stomach because I knew I was part of her sadness. I also knew that I shouldn't have been feeling bad for hurting Mer, well because she hurt me in the biggest way possible.

I opened the door that led into my mostly abandoned trailer. When I was with Meredith I would usually sleepover at her place, or be on call. Now for the past three days I have been making trips to my trailer, which seemed lonely without Meredith. I quickly switched into my pajamas and brushed my teeth. My boring night routine. I pushed over  the thin cotton covers on my makeshift bed and lay there wide awake, thinking about her.

"Where did I go wrong?
I lost a friend,
somewhere along in the bitterness.
And I would stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life."

Where did we go wrong? Meredith and I were finally happy, even if it was only for 2 months. Whenever I was with her, I had nothing to worry about. I could talk with about anything. She would support me and she would try to give advice. I would open up about my "dark and twisty" past, and she would console me. She probably is or was my best friend. Even surpassed Mark, or my mom. Looking back I think I would do most of the talking, and Meredith would listen. I don't ever recall Meredith telling me anything about her life's past. She kept on repeating that she was new at an adult relationship, and I reassured that she was doing fine.

I closed my eyes, inhaling a deep breath. Images of a very beautiful Meredith popped into my mind. If I was honest with my self, I would say, I wasn't even mad at her. She screwed up by failing to mention that she was a run-away wife who was in a crappy marriage, which was arranged. If I chose to overlook that major detail, then we could be happy. I knew we would be happy, because whenever I was with her, it felt like a breath of fresh. But I wasn't honest with myself.

"I would lie and say that you're not on my mind...
I would say Im doing just fine.
No matter what I say,
I'm not over you, not over you"

Holy freaking crap! I loved her, I loved her in a pretend to like her taste in music, let her eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head, unfortunate way type a way loved her. I loved her in a way that I didn't know was possible. With Addison, it never felt this exhilarating. Everything with Addison was so generic, so organized and systematic. But with Meredith, it was breezy, spontaneous and and unpredictable. She had her fair share of baggage, but I was more than willing to give her another chance. I partly felt like this was my fault, I pushed her into a relationship, something she clearly did not have experience with. 

I was probably stupid or over confident, but there was a big chance that Meredith was going to divorce Connor. She frickin' ran away from him, he had to be terrible. And I would wait for her until the divorce went through, and then we could be together. Why? Because I loved her. If I told her I loved her, then she would probably run, so I would start by forgiving her and consoling her. It would be rough, but I was all in. The love with her was extraordinary. I couldn't give it up.

"I don't mind spending every day,
Out on your corner in the pouring rain.
Look for the girl with the broken smile,
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile.
And she will be loved,
And she will be loved..."

I am in love with Meredith Grey.

So I used three different songs [once again they were italicizes]

1st song- How to save a life by The Fray

2nd song- Not over you by Kevin DeGraw

3rd song- She will be loved by Maroon5

Leave lots of love, especially what you think will happen when Derek confesses his love for Meredith!❤️

19 votes pretty plz?

[also read my last update, if you didn't already]

Happy Late 50th Patrick!!!🎉
Thanks for gracing us with your hawt presence✨🙈
I know already said it like a million times times on Wednesday, but here's wattpad birthday wish!
{his bday was on the 13th😏}
- Jiji🦄