The Girl Next Door > jariana (COMPLETED)

twenty-one

A pulsing sensation ran through me from the top of my head to my fingers all the way to my toes. Suddenly, Justin spun me around pushing me away. He forced me to sit on the lounge chair. He crouched down and his hands remained on my hips. He hung his head.

"What's wrong?" I tried to catch my breath.

"Nothing," he said quickly, looking up at me. "Ari, this is, uh. I can't. We need to cool it." He hesitated and moved sitting down next to me. His forehead rested in his hands.

"Did I do something wrong?" I started to babble. "I'm sorry, did I totally suck? Did I get it all wrong? I just couldn't control myself, I..."

He softly pressed his finger to my lips.

"Hey, hey, naw hardly. You, uh, you make me...you make me crazy, like..." he stammered nervously and sighed deeply. "Aw man, maybe someday I'll be able to explain to you."

"Then why did you stop?"

"Because I had to, Ari, right now it has to be this way."

"Do you want me to leave?" My mood went completely flat. My first make out session went up in a puff of smoke.

"No, I don't," he answered reaching over taking my hand. "Ari, when I saw you tonight, it was like lighting hit me. I've never felt like I wanted to hang with anyone more than I want to hang with you."

His eyes burned into mine, making me look away. "I feel the same way, I think, I mean, yeah, I do." I confessed, "I'm mad about you. That's how I feel right now, at this moment and I don't want you to stop kissing me."

"Ariana," he stalled and stood up. "Seriously, you have no idea what you do to me. Right now I think we need to just go in and put on a movie. I need to regroup."

Back in his room I threw myself onto the bed while he tooled around with the TV. He chose an old school flick I'd never seen and said I'd be sure to like it. He turned off the lights and hopped in behind me. He pulled me close and all I could think about was our kiss. It took everything in me to not flip over and suck his face off. His smell, his taste, I was consumed by him. Thinking again of Allison's words, my stomach sunk – "He's never going to be home Ariana..." What was I going to do when he left? I would die like grass in a drought. What if he did meet someone else? Someone who would give him what he would eventually want from me? I knew he thought I didn't know too much about sex.

Justin didn't know about all of my late nights with Nadine and Nicole's sexually active teenage cousin, Stacey. She filled our heads with all sorts of first hand information. She shared her encounters with her boyfriend in detail. I wanted Justin to know that I wasn't as naïve as he thought I was. I knew about those things and those things weren't something I was ready to graduate to no matter how heated it got. I just wanted to make out with him.

I thought of my sister, I wondered how far she's gone with a guy. I knew Owen was in her room from time to time without my parent's knowledge. They kept the music blaring as a distraction, but I knew he was in there. I caught him sneaking into the bathroom late one night and I was so freaked out I just shut my bedroom door. I use to think she was crazy, until now. Here I was, lying in some guy's bed, thinking about naughty things.

Justin's voice echoed in my head – "I've never wanted to hang with anyone more than I want to hang with you..." – What did that really mean anyway? Like a sick heave the question flew out of my mouth.

"Justin, how old were you when you had your first kiss and did you have sex with the same person?" His eyes rolled back and he rubbed his forehead.

Bewilderment plastered his face.

"Ari, why, why does stuff like this matter you?"

"I guess it doesn't really matter, but I wanna know, because what I feel is pretty intense. What happened back there wasn't lame or awkward for me at all."