Chapter 21: Secrets

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Lindsay's POV.

Right now, crying in this corner, I had no idea how I would be able to hide my feelings for him for a whole year. This wasn't supposed to happen. We've only known each other for a month and I was falling for him. I'm pretty sure if Phil knew I had real feelings for him, he'd end our relationship once and for all. So I had to hide it. 

I heard feet shuffling. Before anyone could find me, I looked in the mirror quickly. Luckily my makeup wasn't smudged one bit, but my hair was sticking out in many directions. Running a comb through my hair, it was back to how it was and I walked out, ignoring stares. 

Walking back into the large room, Liam tackled me with a hug and I began laughing. This boy never failed to put a smile on my face. But the expression was gone as quickly as it came when I saw Zayn standing behind him; all alone. His eyes were also red, and you could see the tear streams down his face. Why was he crying? 

We played it off like nothing happened for the sake of the cameras and our friends. Though I'm sure he would tell Liam all about it later. Perrie was no where in sight and it got me curious. Eleanor was laughing with Louis, and I yearned for a relatinship like theirs. I didn't want to hide my feelings for Zayn much longer, but I'd have to.

Intertwining our fingers together, we smiled at each other but I could see the hurt in his eyes. Then I realized something. I caused that. I caused this beautiful human being to cry. I know it's weird to call a man beautiful, but it was true. 

The reason I liked Zayn? He wasn't like every guy you meet. One look at him and before you know it, you already know that you don't want anyone else. And that's what I'm afraid of. Once we part and make a big deal of our break up, I won't look at guys the same. For all I know, I'll end up dying alone watching chick flicks every night surrounded by tissues. That sounds like me.

It just bothers me. I needed to get this off my chest, to anyone. Well, perferably to someone I trust. If I told my mother, she would tell me to break up with him. And she's the only who knows the truth about Zayn and I. 

Maybe I was just kidding myself. Maybe I just thought abut it too much so I guessed I liked him. That seemed like a good enough excuse for me to get out of it, right? Wrong. Right now, we're mad at each other. And it would take at least a week or two before we can actually stand each other.

I'll just have Phil plan stuff for us so we would be everywhere together. Hopefully he'd get some type of feelings for me, right? All I wanted was to win him over. But it would be hard. Maybe I shouldn't even try, just give up. Let the feelings wash away and try to get over it.

We were just walking around, saying hello to anyone who came up to us. We weren't really doing anything, and I'm sure we didn't want to do anything exactly. It was always boring after the runway. Loud music, people chattering. Sometimes, it got on my nerves. But I've learned to deal with it as I progress through my career.

But as we went on the other side of the room, I wanted to run away. I saw the head of blonde and brown shaggy hair. His body from the back looked like him. His body posture almost comfirmed it. But when he turned around, it was true. Brian was here.

He was dressed relatively well in a black tux. I could see his ice blue eyes from all the way over here, and I tugged on Zayn's arm walking backward. Instead of listening to me, he pulled me forward giving me a confusing look.

"Please, Zayn. Take me back over there." 

He didn't even look at me when he spoke back,"Why? What's wrong with saying hello to everyone?"

"Zayn, look at me," And he did, because his face softened,"Please, take me home."

"Will you tell me why when we leave?" I closed my eyes. Maybe it was time to at least tell him this much. He deserved it.  And if I said yes, I would be out of here and when I told him, he would understand.

I silently nodded my head as we headed towards the exit. We said good bye to all of our friends before departing from the building. Once the front doors to the place was opened, cameras and yelling were everywhere. Even some screaming girls. Zayn handed me his shades and I slipped them on thankfuly. I didn't want the cameras to see the look of pure horror stretched out on my face.

His car was pulled up, and I got in swiftly locking the door once it was closed. My shoulders had begun to shake again, and I was glad for the shades. I didn't want Zayn or anyone else seeing my eyes. Tears were coming fast.

The first few minutes of the drive was quiet. I knew he was waiting for me to tell him. But I couldn't find the courage to do so. If I didn't tell him, I had a feeling he would only take me back. And I didn't want that.

Instead, I focused on Brian before I started talking. He looked much older, much more mature, but I couldn't base that off his looks. What was he even doing there anyway? More to the point, how did he get in? This was all a disaster. I didn't even want to go back to my own house.

"I wanted to leave because..." I hesitated before I went on, making sure this was the right thing to tell him,"Because my old boyfriend was there."

The brakes on the car screeched and he pulled to the side off the highway and glared over at me,"Are you fucking kidding me? Because you saw your ex boyfriend?"

I threw the glasses off of my face to the ground and the wetness came down my cheeks for the second time today,"You don't understand, Zayn." I barely whispered.

He was gripping the steering wheel, so tight his knuckles had turned white,"No, you don't understand. You yelled at me for talking to Perrie and you think you have the nerve to do this? Really Lindsay? You're pathetic!"

I exploded after he was finished,"The reason I fucking wanted to leave was because he abused me! He freaking abused me! He beat me, Zayn. He beat me!" I lifted up my shirt to show him scars a little above my waist line,"See those? Those are his finger prints! His finger prints left scars on me! Don't you dare call me pathetic when you don't even know what I've been through!" 

I sobbed in my hands, not wanting to do anything more. Death was the only thing I was actually thinking of. I know that sounds bad, but to me it was good. I just wanted to get rid of all the pain that was on my chest and I finally told Zayn part of it. I could already feel my feelings for him die down.

I snuck a glance over at him to see he was crying to. For some reason, I didn't know. He didn't need to be crying. I made him cry. He was right. I did have some nerve to call him the monster when in reality, I was the monster. What kind of sick person was I?

"You didn't deserve that," He quietly mumbled, barely audible do to his crying. 

I wiped off as many as I could on my face, but my vision was still blurry,"That's what I told myself. But seeing the way I'm treating you now, I know I did." His arms wrapped around me and we were crying with each other. Next to each other. I could feel his hot breath on my neck and it only made me cry harder. I wanted him so bad.

"Can I stay at your flat tonight?" He nodded, and I wondered if he was going to ever let me out of his sight. Not that I didn't mind. I wanted someone with me at all times starting now. Knowing he was in the same country, let alone the same city as me scared me. He could know where I live.

We drove back, this time with only my muffled sobs escaping through my lips. Now what had just happened in the show room with Perrie, that drama was long gone and I was thankful. It was just us again, like it was at the soup kitchen. Finally. This moment felt special. He was the only person I ever told.

And I was finally glad.

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~A/N~

This is what Brian would look like at the night of the fashion show. Pretty hot right? 

Drama is just about to start! Please vote and comment if you really liked it, it would mean a lot!

I also wanted to tell you that I will be doing a sequel to this book once I have finished it. If you guys want to give me any ideas for the new book title, comment them any time you want. But this book won't be over for a while. I plan on having at least 40 chapters!

That's it!

-Taylor xx

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