Starting to love you(BTR/James Maslow love story)

~Chapter 13~Not a nightmare~

I didn't sleep at all that night.. I take that back. I slept about 10 minutes! Most of the night I was up crying and throwing up. And there was nothing to throw up after the pasta. I realized how invisible and worthless I was! I was a terrible person! I didn't know what to do. I found an old screw and ran it over my wrists. It didn't cut. It just left the marks all over my arms. I shook with pain. It was like being that 16 year old girl again. I stopped myself and threw it across the room. What am I doing?! Are you stupid Brooke?! I cried and cried! Finally at 3am Octavia called. I sobbed harder knowing it was one more person now that hated me. My best friend. Pretty much my other half! I answered it. I sobbed. More.
Brooke: I am so sorry Octavia! I never meant to make you guys worry! I never meant for this to happen! I'm so sorry!
Octavia: Brooke. Hun. It's ok. We aren't mad at you! We were worried. James found you. But now.. He's a mess. He won't eat anything, he won't sleep. He's been crying non stop all day! What happened?
Brooke: him and halston kissed and I texted him and told him what I saw. And I got back to the hotel and he wasn't here but he wrote me a note.
I read her the note and told her everything. By the end of it I was crying harder. I really didn't know how much more I could take of this.
Octavia: hey listen. It's ok! The boys are over there talking to James! We're trying to get him to come back over!
Brooke: what?! No! I don't want him over anymore! I'm done!
Octavia: Brooke....?
We both knew it was a lie. I wanted to have him hold me again. I wanted to have him kiss me again. I wanted to just be with him again.
Brooke: please tell him I need him. I want him. I really, really need him. And I'm sorry. Please.
Octavia. I will doll. It's ok. Now go to sleep. Night. I love you.
Brooke: love you too.
I didn't go to sleep though. I prayed for a text from him. A call. Anything. I waited and waited. But nothing came. I turned on the tv and watched the news. And it couldn't have been a worse night now that I've found out this.....
*With James* *his POV*
Logan: James. You need to go.
James: she hates me. It doesn't matter. It's done. I'm stupid.
Logan. She doesn't hate you James! Come on man!
I turn on the tv and flip through channels trying not to listen to Logan. It'd been a crazy night. I barely got home. Almost killed myself by not stopping at a stop sign. Drove past the condos 2 times before I finally realized where I was. I've been a mess. I'm such an idiot. Brooke will never believe that halston is the one that kissed me. But it is my fault too. I could've had so much more of an effort to get away. I miss Brooke so much. I need her back. But what's it matter anymore. I end up watching the news. Everything wasvcalm until I hear the top news story.
News reporter: and tonight has been another busy night with the law enforcement. Just one week ago Blaze Ricardo was caught for abusive relationship. His second time. But the law has informed with a little mental help he can quickly get that worked out. He is now free and supposed to be getting free help immediately. Back to you Nancy.
My heart starts racing and I turn off the tv.
James: why would they let him go?!
Logan: I don't know! Is Brooke in trouble?
James: I don't know! Maybe! He's a freaking maniac! So probably!
Logan: so. She's in a hotel. In San Diego. All by herself. With her ex abusive boyfriend out of jail.
James: I have to go! I should've left a long time ago! I never should've left! Bye!
I run out grabbing my phone, car keys, and money then drive off.
*With Brooke again*
I crawled under my blankets and rocked myself to sleep. But I slept awful. I cried in my sleep. I had terrible dreams! And the worst one was the one that isn't a dream. My reality nightmare. I woke up at 7am. Sick, exhausted, terrified. And about died when I heard a knock at my door.
James: Brooke it's me! Open the door!
James? I couldn't believe what I was hearing! He's here! I immediately started crying again. I opened the door and felt him pick me up and hug me tight. I hung onto him not wanting to let go. I could hear him crying and I cried with him. He put his mouth up against my ear.
James: (whispered) I'm sorry. So so sorry. For everything. For leaving. For halston. For everything! I don't want to leave you! I want to stay with you.
Brooke: I want to stay with you too! I'm sorry too! For everything! I need you! So bad!
He sets me down and holds onto my hands. I realize then he saw my wrists. Crap. That is never good.
James: I thought these started to go away once blaze did it?
I remained quiet. I wasn't going to lie to him about this. But I was not speaking yet! I swear I mess so much up!
James: this isn't from him, is it?
Brooke: I don't know..
James: this is why you needed me..
Brooke: and the 25 million other reasons.
James: why...why would you do this?
Brooke: because. I felt so worthless and invisible. I felt awful. It was just my way of expressing how I feel.
James: stop. Please. Stop. Don't do it. You're beautiful and perfect and so worth it! Promise me you won't do it?
Brooke: I promise.
James: thank you.
I go over and lay back down in the bed. I still had a killer headache. James covered me up with the blanket then sat down on the bed holding me. Even though it was 7 I fell asleep until 10. And I woke up still in his arms tightly around me. I realized I looked like crap. I slid out from under him and quickly took a shower. It helped. A lot. I redid my makeup and my hair and finally changed into something nice. I walked out and James was up watching something on tv. But as soon as I walked out to where he could see me he looked directly at me and smiles. The first time I'd seen him smile in a while.
James: stop..
Brooke: what?
James: stop being so freaking flawless and beautiful!
Brooke: oh shut up.. Whatever.
James: no really. You look gorgeous.
Brooke: (smiles) thanks..
James: I'm just gonna come right out and ask this. Can we go home?
Brooke: yes.. Let me grab my stuff.
We rode down in the elevator and then got in our cars. I followed him. For once I wasn't sobbing. It was a total miracle! Stuck in my phone case was the letter he gave me. I still wasn't sure though if the "I love you" was "You're my best friend I love you." Or something stronger. Which is stupid to think! Because he doesn't like me like that. But he kissed me, right? That still doesn't mean anything.. I honestly didn't think he'd say anything but later that night. He did.
James: I'm guessing you read the letter...from me.
Brooke: yes sir. Sure did.
James: guessing you probably threw it away..?
Brooke: of course not!
I took my case off and grabbed it. I think he was a bit nervous. He knew I read it and kept it..
James: so..do you have any questions over it..?
I knew exactly what he meant. And to be honest I have a ton of questions. Like "Why did you think I'd forget you? Why would I ever hate you? What did you mean by "I love you." But I shook my head. He knew I was lying this time though. Caught. Crap. Well. Time to speak up I guess.
Brooke: alright. Alright. Maybe the whole "I lov..
He cut me off before I even got 'love' out.
James: that. Knew it'd be that. You can take it however you want. Friends, not friends, more than friends. I don't care. Whatever.
I couldn't help but smile and hold in my laugh. He was so cute trying to hide his little fibs.
Brooke: actually. I was kinda hoping you'd tell me how I should take it.. Maybe YOU should read the letter to me. Show me how it's supposed to sound.
I handed him the letter and surprisingly he took it. He sighed but started reading.
James: Dear Brooke, I'm so terribly sorry for what has happened. I understand now why you wanted to leave. What happened wasn't supposed to happen. She kissed me. But I know you won't believe me. I also know you won't be coming back. You were the best thing that ever happened to me and no one could ever replace you. You're beautiful and talented and amazing. I hope you find an amazing guy who treats you great and loves you as much as I do and always have and always will.
He stops when he gets to "I love you Brooke. Never forget me" I took his hand and smiled at him.
Brooke: you don't have to finish.. It's ok.
He looked at me and sighed again. But this time he looked straight in my eyes.
James: I love you Brooke. Never forget me.
And that was that. That is how I died.. I'm just kidding! I didn't actually die but almost fell off my chair and I did cry. We both started laughing after I regained my balance.
Brooke: do you really mean that?
James: of course I do. I have for a while I just didn't know how to tell you. The whole halston thing..
Brooke: she kissed you. You're extremely sorry. You should've had more of an effort to stop her. I get it.
James: I'm sorry about it.
Brooke: stop saying sorry! I forgive you! It's worked out!
James: alright good.
For once this whole week I saw his eyes brighten and his whole face look a lot happier. I knew mine was too. He was adorable. So adorable! Honestly though. We weren't a couple. I think we both thought we would be moving a bit fast with everything that happened that week. So we stayed just friends. It was cute. He'd always send "Morning pretty girl." And "night beautiful." Every day. It made me extremely happy. He always told me how beautiful and amazing I was too. I think it was just because of the whole "cutting" thing. Logan and Octavia bugged us both. About a lot. "You're so in love! You aren't dating!" Funny thing was we started bugging them. And in a week Logan and Octavia were dating.
*2 weeks later*
*James' POV*
It was storming. It was pretty bad outside actually. The girls had all come over to our condo to watch movies when the storm started. I hadn't saw it this bad for quite awhile. But that's ok. Gave me a chance to hang out with Brooke. Ever since what happened I've been so scared to ask her to hang out. Not to mention I got her the most beautiful necklace, ring combo. There was a silver key chain and on it was a ring. On the inside I had it engraved "Brookey" and the outside said "Together forever and always". It was beautiful if I do say so myself. It was finally later that night when I got her alone. I was able to pull her to the kitchen.
Brooke: what?
James: I wanted to give you something.
I pulled out the pink box and opened it. I pulled out the necklace and she smiled. I really hope she likes it.
James: Do you like it?
Brooke: are you crazy?! I love it! It's beautiful! What's the occasion?
James: no occasion I just thought I'd get you something for being an amazing best friend.
I went behind her and put it on. It looked even more beautiful on her.
James: A beautiful necklace for a beautiful girl.
She smiled and looked down at it.
Brooke: I love it! It's beautiful.
James: good! Listen I wanted to ask you something else too. It's been a long time. 2 weeks since what happened. We've known each other forever. I feel like different feelings are happening. I really like you. You know how I feel. And I would love it if you'd be my girlfriend.. So will you?
*Brooke'a POV*
I was shocked. I don't know why. I just was. I didn't know if I should laugh and smile or cry. I mean he was only asking me out not proposing! I decided to smile.
Brooke: of course I will!
Now he looked a bit surprised. I didn't really know how to feel! I was dating my best friend, the guy I'd known since we were born, the guy who I had my first kiss with. And now he's my boyfriend. Wow. I feel so...old! I actually wasn't paying any attention and he hugged me. Then he kissed me. I don't know why but this kiss felt different. In a good way! I actually felt the love. That sounds so stupid! I mean, I actually felt as if he really loves me. We walked back out to the living room hand in hand and I felt everyone's eyes go on us. Gosh. This was embarrassing. I felt the girls give me a "bout time you two are going out look" and I saw the boys give James a look of "ohhh yeah! Moving it up." Geez.. We sat down on the couch. James' arm was around me and I laid my head on his shoulder. I ended up falling asleep and so did James. So I laid on his shoulder and he laid on a pillow. I knew someone came and covered us up with a blanket but I didn't even open my eyes. I was way too tired. Every so often I would feel James cuddle me closer.
*James POV*
I finally had the love of my life as my girlfriend and next to me. I was so happy. I was glad we took it slow though. I feel like we've really learned a lot from each other. That was so corny. But we have. I'm not another one of those jerkish guys to not want a meaningful relationship. I might be famous, but I really want a wife and a family. I really do. Maybe Brooke was just my girlfriend but I really hoped she would stay. With me forever.
*End of POV*
Octavia: They look so happy! I'm so glad! We're all dating now. Isn't that weird!
Logan: they really do look happy! And I'm glad we all are. I think it's been about time we all took a step. I know I'm more than happy with you.
Octavia: and I'm beyond happy with you!
Logan kisses her and smiles.
Logan: I love you Octavia.
Octavia: I love you too logi!
*Brooke's POV*
I remember falling asleep in James' arms and feeling him hold me close the whole night. My nightmare had ended. Right now. For now it was all sweet dreams ahead.