Starting to love you(BTR/James Maslow love story)

~Chapter 53~ Don't listen~

James: I'll be back before you know it. It's already march. Only 3 more months till I'm back.

He swung me around and kissed the top of my head. I smiled as he set me down.

Brooke: I'll see you then.

James: I love you.

Brooke: love you too.

I walked to the car where the girls were waiting. We waved goodbye as Taylor drove away back to our house.

*****Home*****

Octavia: we can do anything! No more worry of..him.

Taylor: it'll finally be safe to do anything!

I really wasn't paying any attention to them. (Though I probably should've been.) I was lost in my own head with my own thoughts.

Angelina: hey! Brooke! Helllloo! You aren't even paying any attention!

Brooke: sorry..I'm just tired and need some sleep.

I smiled a reassuring smile and went up to the lonesome bedroom. I walked in and shut the door collapsing on the bed. I started at the ceiling analyzing everything that had happened. Tour is done in 2 months. Wedding is in 5. Blaze is dead. Blaze is dead...he's dead.. I sat up saying it aloud. I sounded strange. Blaze dead? The words almost tasted bitter like his name was poison. How can he be dead? I snapped myself out of thinking about him. The more I thought about him the more he started to reappear in my mind. His piercing green eyes. The evil smirk he always wore. I shook my head escaping the memory. I thought about James. I will never get the image of seeing the bullet hit him. The pain the filled his eyes and the way he fell. The blood stained grass. I swallowed the lump in my throat. I slowly climbed into bed and closed my eyes. I only tossed and turned.

"Smart idea blondey."

"Would've been a kill joy, honestly."

Vanessa and Marks words ran through my head over and over again. Vanessa and Mark weren't evil though..just rude...I nodded making sure I felt okay with that sentence. Of course. Just rude. Finally, I found myself asleep. But even with blaze dead I still had the nightmares that always replayed.

****Nightmare****

Blaze: you killed me.

Brooke: no, no, I didn't.

Blaze: he killed me.

Brooke: you almost killed him!

Blaze: killing me isn't going to get rid of me. I'm always there.

Brooke: you can't hurt me anymore! You're gone!

Blaze: maybe I can't physically hurt you, but I can make you hurt yourself.

Brooke: you wouldn't!!

Blaze: watch me. If I can't have you no one can.

Brooke: you're dead!! You were never going to get me!

Blaze: suppose not. Now pretty boy won't either.

Brooke: I'm not hurting me. I'm not listening to you.

Blaze: but you always listen to your head.

Brooke: that's not true.

Blaze: no, it is. If your head is insistent on hurting you. You won't stop.

Brooke: I haven't listened to my head for a year!

Blaze: so, I know you Cassidy. You go around with your tough girl act on. Fooling everyone to think your sooo strong. You aren't. You won't ever be.

Brooke: stop!! You aren't pulling me in!

Blaze: I don't have to. You'll do that all on your own.

Brooke: you're wrong.

Blaze: am I? Remember last time? Wasn't someone there? Now, there's no one.

Brooke: that not true!! You don't know me very well.

Blaze: no sweetheart. You don't know yourself very well. Face it baby. It wasn't in anyone's power to watch you recover.

*****End of nightmare*****

I woke up, startled. I sat up breathing heavily and my palms sweating. Just a dream. Only a dream. Dreams show nothing. Your mind is only playing tricks on you. Don't listen to your head. Do. Not. Listen.

*****Morning*****

"Nope, everything's fine here." I said over the phone to James.

"Good! Are you doing okay?" He asked becoming serious again.

"Of course."

"You sure?"

"James, why wouldn't i be?"

"I know you Cassidy. Remember, wedding is in 4 and a half months. Things stay permanent."

I quieted my breathing and bit the inside of my cheek. It's all in my head. My stupid head.

"Brooke?" He questioned putting his mouth to the phone.

"Huh? What?" I asked clearing my throat and regaining my concentration.

"You're..okay, right?"

"I'm fine!"

"Fine...f-i-n-e. Falling apart, insecure, needing help, everything's wrong..Brooke."

Crap. Caught. Why would I even try? I exhaled quietly and tried thinking of what to say back.

"I'm okay, really." I smiled into that sentence hoping he'd notice.

"I'm believing you."

"You should. I have to go. I love you."

"And I love you. Bye."

The line ended and I found myself wanting to call back, but I didn't. I walked to the kitchen and grabbed a package of strawberries out from the fridge. May as well occupy me with something to do. I washed them and then took a bowl out to cut them into. I took the knife from the drawer and started at the reflection back. I found myself getting lost in the thoughts and the reflection. The front door opened and slammed loudly. I jumped, and without thinking, threw the knife where it stuck in the wall. I ran to the wall pulling it out. I set it on the counter and went to the living room.

Brooke: hey, what's going on?

I found Taylor on the couch with her head in her hands. She seemed quiet but I knew she was ticked. I took a seat on the chair by her.

Taylor: everything! Me and Kendall got in this huge argument over the phone. I don't even know if we're still together.

Brooke: I'm sure you are. It's Kendall tay. He'll be calling back in 20 minutes.

Taylor: so, what's your problem?

Brooke: nothing.

Taylor: most people who say nothing is wrong normally don't throw knives at kitchen walls.

Brooke: you saw that?

I covered my eyes with my hands and shook my head back at forth. I quietly laughed.

Brooke: guess I was just a little..jumpy.

Taylor: next time..can you just scream? Those can't take my head off.

She smiled as I rolled my eyes and got up. I went back to the kitchen and shoved the strawberries back in the fridge, suddenly not in the mood to eat. I set the knife back in the drawer and went to my room where thoughts always atre me alive. That stupid dream..why now?