Star Wars Rebels: Teenage Response

Acceptance

Ketsu found Sabine on the balcony, looking out at the bright lights of the city of Salis D'aar. Ketsu joined her at her side and looked out with her.
"You can stay with me, tonight" She told her. "You can have the bed, and I'll have the couch".
Sabine acknowledged her silently and nodded. Suppose she could stay for a night. After that, though...she'd have to go back to the Ghost crew. That was her family now...her new connection. She wasn't going to have two years of development be wasted.
I don't want to leave Ketsu either, though.
Ketsu smiled and leaned her back against the balcony, she looked up at the dark sky and the bright stars that filled it. She was pleased Sabine was staying for a while longer, every moment with her was incredibly precious.
"Or would lil Lezzy Wren prefer I slept with her instead?" She joked with a chuckle
That's not funny.
Sabine sighed. She thought about the Ghost crew...she thought about Ezra. The kid probably missed her already. Sabine really wished she could just...accept him. Erza had earned her heart, he had stood close by her after she was raped...Sabine just wished she could offer him that heart.
Perhaps Ketsu can help...? Offer advice?
She was too embarrassed to bring up the subject with Hera and Kanan, the people she almost considered her Mom and Dad.
"Ketsu..." Sabine began. "I got something...personal...to ask you about".
Ketsu lowered her chin and looked at her younger companion. She was all ears.
"Ask away".
Sabine thought hard about how to word her predicament with Ezra. It was a...complicated matter.
"Nearly a year ago, my crew picked up a new member from Lothal" She began to explain. "A boy...teenager, like me. He's gave me funny looks since the day he joined up...he has a major crush on me".
Ketsu chuckled. Sabine has an admirer? Well, the day was bound to happen eventually...Sabine was very pretty.
"If he's bugging you, tell him to back off" Ketsu advised. "You don't have to stand for his crap".
That...doesn't help at all. Sabine was looking for a way out of this situation that didn't end with Ezra's heart being broken. His relationship and feelings for Sabine was a sensitive area for him...it would often make him angry and upset...Kanan said those emotions weren't good for him...that it "led him to the dark side". Sabine didn't understand all that Force-jumbo but it didn't sound good.
I don't want to fuel something that could really hurt him.
"No...it's not like that..." Sabine explained further. "Well, it was for a while...but I...I think I kinda like him too".
Ketsu shrugged, seemed like a typical teenage circumstance.
"Well hey, if you like him too then...maybe you should tell him" She said. "Let him know the feelings mutual. You're not shy are you?"
Sabine shook her head and rubbed down her face with her hand in frustration. It wasn't that simple...Sabine liked him but she didn't...love him.
I was able to fuck him...yet I can't love him.
And she believed she knew why. She didn't have that same feeling of acceptance that she had for Ketsu...or heck, possibly Hera. It was because she was homosexual...that had to be why.
"I'm not shy...it's just..." There was a pause. "There's something wrong with me".
The problem is that I'm a lesbian...I'm a fucking freak. If I was straight...I'd be able to go straight up to Ezra...and tell him I love him.
Then all would be swell.
"There's nothing wrong with you Sabine..." Ketsu assured her. "It's not your fault that this Ezra guy just isn't appealing. Tell him you aren't interested, that's all it takes".
"Stay with me...and you'd never even have to see him again" She thought.
"No, Ketsu..." Sabine said hopelessly. "You...you don't understand..."
Ketsu removed her back from the balcony and moved close to Sabine's side. She placed her hand over hers.
"What, Sabine?" She asked. "What don't I understand?"
Sabine let out a long breath. Well, if there was anyone she could tell...it'd be Ketsu. It was something that she couldn't bring herself to discuss with Hera or Kanan...she didn't feel that same attachment to them that she did with Ketsu.
Ketsu always understood me in the past...she'd do the same now.
Hopefully.
"I'm...I'm not straight..." She admitted glumly. "I think...I think I like girls instead..."
Ketsu looked at her surprised, she wasn't expecting that. Sabine sat down on the floor and rested her back on the balcony.
"Little Lezzy Wren..." The Rebel said miserably. "For shame..."
They were the same words Ketsu used to mock her regarding her sexuality, but Ketsu was not aware that she really was a lesbian...she was just fooling around.
"Aw Sabine..." Ketsu went on her knees beside her friend and placed a hand on her shoulder. "...I didn't know...I was just playing around..."
Sabine nodded. She was willing to let it pass...Ketsu didn't know and she had an excuse. That wasn't what concerned her, anyways...she was worried about what she was going to do about Ezra.
How would Ezra take the news on me being homosexual?
Probably not very well...Ezra admired Sabine more than anyone else. If he found out that the one girl he desired in the world was homosexual...and that he'd never have a chance with her...it'd ruin him.
"Look, if you're not into his gender...then you gotta tell him" Ketsu told her. "If you don't, then he'll just keep pressing you until either he or you gets hurt".
No...no! That'll just make it worse!
"No Ketsu!" Sabine cried out. "If I tell him...it'll crush him! It will actually crush him!"
Ketsu took in what she was hearing. She didn't know Sabine was homosexual...she was surprised Sabine would even be having this conversation with her. The bounty hunter always figured Sabine was the type of girl who would just be after the pleasure and not the love...that's how she was, anyways.
"Sabine has changed, though" Ketsu told herself. "I haven't changed a bit".
"What if..." Sabine began. "What if I pretended I loved him? I still like him...I could make it convincing and none of us would get hurt..."
Ketsu did not like the sound of that idea.
"No, Sabine!" She objected. "If you do that, you'd never be happy. I won't let you be anything other than happy, you understand? Don't let your first time be with someone you're not even sexually attracted to".
Sabine didn't care about whether or not she could have sex with him...she just wanted to love him. She was starting to doubt whether Ketsu understood her or not.
"I don't mind whether or not I can fuck him or not..." Sabine replied. "I know I can...and I...uh, I already have".
It took a moment for Ketsu to process those words, then it hit her.
"Wait, what?" She questioned. "Sabine...you realise that means you're not a virgin, right?"
Sabine's mimed the words "I know" with her mouth. The topic of her virginity often led to a lot of depression, which she wasn't going to let taint her reunion with Ketsu.
I lied. Trust me, you don't want to know the story of how I lost it.
At least, not right now.
"You stupid girl..." Ketsu began. "...you're not a kriffing lesbian, then...at the very least, you'd be bi-sexual".
Bi-sexual still isn't straight.
A bi-sexual person would still be able to love a boy. Sabine couldn't do it...regardless of her bodies ability to have sex with both genders...she was convinced that if she was truly straight...it'd be easier for her and Ezra.
Ezra...why couldn't you have just been a girl? It'd make my life so much more simple.
"Look, if you'd rather fuck a girl rather than a boy..." Ketsu said. "Then tell him. You don't need to hide your true identity just to make some horny teenager-"
"He's not like that!" Sabine interrupted. "He genuinely cares about me, Ketsu!"
He's stood by me whenever I needed it...and now I want to do the same for him.
But she just couldn't.
"Well, however he is..." The bounty hunter continued. "If he's got any respect for you, he'll accept you for who you are...regardless of what that might be".
Sabine had a feeling it wouldn't be that easy. She already knew how Ezra responded when Sabine revealed to him that she had used him merely for pleasure...the emotional pain between them reached its peak six weeks ago...but if she revealed to him that she was a lesbian...it'd be a hundred times worse.
It would kill him.
And her too.
"I really want to love him..." She rambled. "He means so much to me...you have no idea how good he's been to me..."
Ketsu sighed.
"She certainly has made new attachments in these last two years" She realised. "I hope I haven't faded from her too much".
"You had sex with a guy, Sabine...you're not a lesbian" She assured her. "I'm pretty sure lesbians don't fuck guys".
Having sex with someone is not the same as loving them...
Sabine just didn't feel that same attachment with Ezra that she felt in Ketsu. She was sure that she was a lesbian at the core, regardless of who she was able to have sex with. Ezra always used to be able to take her lack of returned affection quite well...but now that he had gained a taste of what it was like to be with Sabine? It was difficult for him...he grew more impatient...he wanted her love really bad.
I should never have had sex with him...I just made the situation much worse than it needed to be.
"There's a difference between loving someone and having sex with someone, y'know" Sabine told her. "I mean...I like you a lot, I'm sure that I'm a lesbian...I have to be..."
Ketsu sat next to Sabine and placed her arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.
"Yeah, but you've known me for ages" Ketsu said. "I say you just wait. You said that you met him nearly a year ago...spend more time with him...I wouldn't jump to conclusions about being a lesbian".
Ketsu then realised that what she said would just convince Sabine to go back to Garel to see this boy...it went against what she wanted. She wanted Sabine to stay here, with her. Sabine was all that mattered to her.
"This kid can get over her" She thought coldly. "Sabine doesn't need him...she needs me"
At least, that's what she hoped.