Shaking Shoulders // Joshler

Three

Josh's POV

I feel bad for Tyler. I wish he wouldn't have been so upset but at the same time I'm so happy he was open enough to cry in my arms despite him knowing me for only two days. I wish this boy before me knew he was beautiful. I wish I could have been there when he needed me.

Eventually we made it to his home and he introduced me to his dad. Ty didn't seem very thrilled. His dad politely shook hands with me and I could tell he was shocked his son was home. They both had the same color of eyes as well as the deep sadness in them. After every thing Tyler told me yesterday I wasn't too happy to meet the man who changed my friends opinion on life. He's the reason why Tyler did the things he did. Tyler and I then headed to his room.

I walked around his room looking at all of his things (which wasn't much) while he laid down with his arms behind his head amused.

"So. You do anything else besides keyboard? Like guitar or something?" I ask while gliding my hand across his keyboard.

"Um I guess I sorta sing and play ukulele not much."

"That's cool. Where's your uke?" I ask since I didn't see it.
"I broke it." He looked down at his feet and I guessed it was something he did when he was drunk.

"Well you should sing for me sometime." He looks at me and thinks about it for a brief moment before his face cringed.

"I mean you don't have to but it'd be cool" I smile

"Yeah sure." He shrugs his shoulder.

"If you're really good we should start a band. It'd be sick." I think it'd be pretty awesome to be in a band. I mean we don't have to get known or anything it's just I could use something to do.

Tyler's POV

"If you're really good we should start a band. It'd be sick." Josh says while he messes with my keyboard.

good thing you're not good at singing

"Eh I'm not that good so..." I've never been proud of my voice but I like pouring my feelings into music and it's just a way of coping with my thoughts too.

He turned his head to make eye contact with me. "I'm sure you're just saying that. I bet you are fantastic." He smiled. I shrugged my shoulders not feeling the need to respond. Why is he so nice to me?

he just feels bad for you

Josh and I eventually get into a conversation about past middle school stories and other things. I learned a lot of things about Josh today that made me like him even more. It's aggravating how my emotions get the best of me but Josh is so attractive yet I don't understand why I feel intrigued with him. Eventually he asked why I cut. I was so worried he would ask about them and make me talk about how sad I am all the time. But I was more relieved when he didn't judge me; he understood why I felt that way and how my mind doesn't work in my control. Joshua is the most understanding person I know and that's probably why I think I love him.

We talked for hours and hours until it was dusk. We talked about his family and mine and just general stuff.

~~~~~

We talk for a few more days and just hang out. A week passed by before I knew it and one day after he left my dad came into my room and sat next to me on the bed.

"How are you feeling?" he asked me.

"I'm good." This is the first time I responded to that question without shrugging my shoulders.

"Good. Do you and that boy get along?" I like how the first conversation with my dad I've had in years is about Josh. He's impacted me more then he could imagine.

"Yes. If we didn't get along why would I let him enter your house?" I reply annoyed.

"I guess you're right, hey do you still play basketball?" Maybe he'd know if he was apart of my life.

"No I quit after you and mom split." I sigh. I don't wanna catch up with asshole. I'd prefer if he'd leave. The voices in my head started to mumble and it agitated me more.

"Oh. I see you have a keyboard, do you play it?" You've got to be kidding me.

"No I keep it to collect dust and for decoration." I roll my eyes.

He sighs. "You know you don't have to be so cruel to your old man. We used to be buds c'mon now." He looked at me with a sad expression. I almost felt sympathy.

"That was before you hit mom. Before you guys divorced." My temper rises as a result of him acting as if nothing ever happened.

"Tyler. You know I wasn't in the best state of mind. I was mentally ill just like yo-"

I cut him off and my anger continues to boil"Not only were you mentally ill you were drunk off your ass"

"Yeah you're right. I drowned my feelings with alcohol which wasn't okay. Similar to what you do from what I picked up from you mothers stories-"

"Will you stop trying so hard to compare me to you! I'm fucking over your excuses. You can not defend what you did to her. What you did to your kids." The bad thoughts flood my my mind in seconds after I finished yelling. My mind is swarmed with the whispers and I can't take it. The whispers are usually so distant but right now they're screaming. I can't even hear my dad trying another shit excuse. I get up from the bed and storm out the house grabbing my backpack from the kitchen. I run to the forest as fast as I can wanting to the place I knew best from past breakdowns of my childhood

running away from your problems again, so typical of you

Leave me alone. Just let me be I've had enough of you. It's your fault I'm the way I am.

pathetic.

I make it to the tree house without tripping over anything because the full moon illuminated my path helping me avoid the rocks I wanted to crack my head open with so desperately. Once I make it inside I start crying even harder once I realize what I'm doing. I need to text Josh right now. I dig my phone out my bag vigorously and I try turning it on as it fumbles in my hand. The dying battery symbol is revealed and all my hope is crumbled. I toss the phone and grab the small pouch in the front pocket. I look at the blade deciding whether or not to decorate my skin again.

do it.

I know a thing or two about pain and darkness. It's unavoidable and it's all I have.

May 5th: Another fixed chapter