Shaking Shoulders // Joshler

Thirty

Tyler's POV
You will never meet his expectations

I looked over at Josh admiring his features. He was the most beautiful thing I'd ever laid eyes on. "You're perfect" he mouthed. I couldn't hear him. I couldn't hear anything besides small whispers.

I leaned into his shoulder and let my eyes wander our surroundings. We were in the tree house and it was daytime. The tree house looked awfully clean and had a red bean bag chair across from us. I looked over at Josh again and his face held no kindness. "Garbage." I read his lips and my heart dropped. The sun rays that were once pouring through the window are gone and Josh smacked me. I held my face and looked at him teary eyed. "Worthless" the whispers loudened and I looked away from Josh. The tree house was once again dusty and dirty and the bean bag was a puddle of crimson. The whispers screamed and my head aches as I turned to reach for Josh's help. However, it was no longer Josh. It was a faceless being with black hands. The hands grasped my neck and I struggled for breath. He smeared the black pigment onto my neck as he strangled me. As my eyes began to blur the creature regained its face and it held my face. It was me.

 I abruptly jolted up. I gasped for air and my eyes blurred to the new bright lighting. White walls. White floors. White everything. I'm in a hospital. I looked down at the IV going into my wrist where a big cast was. Then last nights events reoccurred in my mind and I couldn't help but find myself crying at my weakness. "Ty?" Oh god no.

I looked to my left and saw Pete and thankfully not Josh. He pushed me back gently to have me lay down. He wiped my tears away and looked at me with sad eyes. "Why Tyler?" I began to cry harder and he sat back down. "I'm not mad at you." You're disappointed. "I'm disappointed." Wow what a shocker.

"I know." I croaked. I wiped my tears away and looked blankly at the wall in front of me instead of Pete. "Was it Josh?" He asked quietly. I slowly turned my head to make eye contact with him and he nodded his head in understanding. "Do you want me to stay with you and take you home once they let you out of here?" I nodded my head and the door to the room opened making both of our heads shoot towards it.

It was the nurse with my breakfast and she looked at me with apologetic eyes. "When will he be able to come home?" Pete asked. She sighed and adjusted my bed so I could sit upright and eat. "Today, he only lost blood so he can leave after he eats if he wants." She looked at me expectantly and I simply looked down at the food in response.  She patted my shoulder and left the room silently.

I only ate the small jello that came with the food and looked at Pete. He could tell I was ready to leave. But as he threw away my food we heard yelling from down the hall. We looked at each other confused then my door busted open. Josh stood there in the doorway. As soon as I caught a glimpse of him, the whispers erupted. Shortly after Josh busted in Patrick came up behind him.  "Ty what happened?" Josh rushed to my side and I whimpered and scooted away to the other side of the small bed. I squinted my eyes shut and let the whispers take over my every thought.
"I think you should leave him be for a bit Josh."
"But I didn't do anything!"
"Patrick why'd you tell him?"
"I didn't, I'm sorry."
As the outer voices became distant I felt myself become light headed then blank.
~
I woke up in Petes room and sighed. The last day had been so eventful and I had spent most of it sleeping yet I was so exhausted. I climbed out of the bed and weakly walked out of the room. The house was silent and all I could hear was my feet padding on the glossy hardwood until I neared the kitchen.
"Do you think Josh will come by soon?" It was Patrick. "Most likely, he claims he has no idea why Tyler would do that to himself but he probably said something that set him off." Pete and Patrick were quietly talking somewhere in the kitchen. I didn't bother to peak out and see them for I was scared they'd see me eavesdropping. "Yeah but words usually don't set him off like that." I heard a dramatic sigh. "I know. Maybe it was another lie." I almost forgot they would lie to me about Josh's whereabouts too. "Do you think he knows?"
"Probably not I think we've done good at hiding Josh's plans." Pete said.

Of all the guys Pete was closest to me and he understands me. But can I trust him now that I know he's been okay with everyone telling me lies?

"When's the last time you've checked on him." Shit. "Maybe like an hour ago.". I heard their feet near me and I tried my best to quietly run back to the room.

I covered myself back up and faced away from the door while I stared at the wall. Seconds after the two entered my room, I figured they would just peak in and leave but Pete ended up walking around the bed and bent down to meet eyes with me. "Do you want to eat dinner?" he asked. I sat up and Patrick smiled at me from the doorway. "I guess." I mumbled. "We grabbed some of your clothes from your house so you could spend a few days with us." Patrick spoke. 

"Oh." I climbed out of bed and looked at the two of them before Patrick left the room. "Are we eating here or going out?" Pete looked at me and grinned. "We eat out on Thursdays so Patrick is making tacos tonight." He led me out of the room and into the kitchen where Pat was cooking the meat. I sat down at one of their bar stools and examined my fingernails. 

Once Patrick finished cooking and preparing the tacos I ate a single one quietly while the two talked about touring and such. After I finished my food I left to go to my room then I realized I woke up in Pete's bed. I came back into the kitchen and stood shyly. "Where should I sleep?" Pete scratched the back of his neck. "You can take the guest room, we put you in my room cause it was closer to the door and you were getting heavy." He smiled and I weakly returned one. Patrick typically slept in Pete's guest room because he never stayed at his apartment. They were such good friends and never left each other sides which only reminded me of Josh.

I turned and made my way upstairs to the room. I saw a bag on the bed once I turned on the light. I opened the back and saw it held a few of my clothes. Just some t-shirts, boxers, socks, jeans and a single pair of sweatpants. I pulled out a pair of underwear and the sweatpants. I left the bedroom and went into the bathroom. Once I took off my thin bandaging on my arm, I examined the cuts. I couldn't believe I fell to him again. I got in the shower and let the water blend with my tears.