Shaking Shoulders // Joshler

Seventeen

Josh's POV

If only Tyler wasn't so stubborn. I wouldn't be as sad as I am now. I wouldn't be angry with Jenna for touching him the way I used to. I wouldn't have had my arm over Debby just to make him jealous. I would and should be in the bed with Tyler not her. I wish we would have met eye to eye the day we first argued about being public. This whole situation could have been avoidable if he just understood I needed his love no matter where we were.

Why does Tyler care what people think? He was never affected when we kissed in public before. Why would he be affected if we are just known as musicians? All of our fans love every single thing we do I would have thought he could see that by now. I dreaded the mornings; Ty and I would always wake up next to each other and cuddle. Now I'm met with a girl who I've led on way too long. Are all girls so needy for sex? I tried so hard to avoid her needs for the intimacy but it's close to impossible with her.

Luckily one of our assistants were taking the girls back to the U.S. and they were already gone. I looked over at Tyler's bed, he had his arms flailed to the side and his bottom lip has a pout. I missed the feeling of his lips so much. I wish I could hear him say 'I love you' to me. I wonder if  he remembers when we were both so happy. It feels like it's been a lifetime. I miss the genuine laughs we would share and now they're replaced with awkward snorts. I miss the way we used to be.

He mumbles something in his sleep and I just want to hug him and unfurrow his eyebrows. I got up and went to the kitchen area. Mark was asleep on one couch still and our tour manager, Michael was on the other. I yawned and looked in the fridge and saw nothing but bottles of water and Red bull. I sighed and called for room service back over by the beds.

The phone rang and was quickly picked up by someone who didn't speak my language. Go figure. I put on some sweats and a t-shirt before I grabbed my wallet and went out to buy everyone McDonald's.

Tyler's POV

I woke up in an empty bed. I used to wake up and think about why I was still going and still alive; it was always Josh but now why am I bothering to wake up? I was awfully tired still but I've grown used to the constant drowsiness. I was met with Josh's eyes as soon as I turned over. He immediately looked away and got up from his bed across from mine. The rest of the day Josh and I shared no words just glances like usual. At least he gave me a McMuffin.

he never cared about you

~

The whole show was awful to me. Mike said it was great but everything was so wrong. I did not interact with Josh once like usual and I was nervous overall. Before we left for our flight to Europe I couldn't help but think about how I was. My happiness was ripped from me when Josh broke up with me and now I don't know how I feel.

The scorching water hitting my back hurts but I like the pain, I've missed it even. I started thinking about past times with Josh compared to the ones I've seen him with Debby. My breathing picked up and my hands began to twitch. I had the strongest urge to take the pain away even if it was for a few seconds. The voices weren't whispers, they were screams, and I couldn't think straight as they yelled do it. I looked for something, anything, to hurt myself with but shampoo and conditioner won't do much.

what are you waiting for?

I tried shaking the dark thoughts away and turning off the shower. I stuck my head on my knees and sat there, contemplating. The voices weren't screaming anymore and they were just whispering things I could never understand. Michael has all the bathroom stuff packed away so he would have the razors. My breathing regained normalcy and I crawled out of the shower. I slipped my clothes on and looked closely at the foggy mirror. I wiped away the condensation where my face is. I looked like extremely pale and the dark circles under my eyes really popped now. I blinked and then when I opened my eyes black hands were strangling my neck. Immediately I looked away from the mirror and down at myself. Nothing was out of the ordinary, no black hands.
-
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When we were waiting for our flight to Europe Josh tweeted a photo of him and Debby with a caption of heart emojis. Jealousy and anger was practically radiating off of me. I knew he did this to piss me off. I rolled my eyes and scoffed.

"Something wrong Tyler?" Josh smirked as our flight was called.

"Stop fucking with my emotions!" I yelled and turned to walk away but he grabbed my arm before I could leave.

"I'm not Ty." He hasn't called me that in the longest time. "I just I don't know. I thought you wouldn't care." He shrugged. He doesn't think I'm that fucking dumb does he? He knows me better then anyone so he knows I would be affected by that.

"Whatever." I walked over to where Mike and Mark were waiting for us. They were used to hearing Josh and I argue over nothing. The flight was silent and Josh and Mike were asleep in the other isle. I wish I could sleep when I wanted.

I was writing in my music book when Mark poked my shoulder. Drawing my attention from the pen to him.

"How's you and Josh?" I rolled my eyes. "Don't get me started." I replied making him chuckle.

"He's just being difficult, you guys are going to get over all of this and you'll be together again. Trust me." soon after he said that we landed and I closed the notebook.

~

We were ready to go on stage for our show first show in Europe.

"I'm sorry." Josh brought my attention away from my warm ups. I looked at him for a second trying my best to think of a good reply but nothing came to mind.

"It's okay." I say quietly. He sighed before leaving the room to go on stage and I was left a few minutes until our first song began.

I think Josh's apology helped the show turn out better but I still felt bad for giving the fans nothing. We had just finished our last song and we said our goodbyes and came up from a bow but my happiness was short lived when Josh kissed my cheek. I looked at him astounded he would do that and I rushed off the stage.

I was ready to have a panic attack in the dressing room before Josh came in. My worried features instantly transitioned into one of anger. His eyes widened when they met mine. "What the fuck was that?!" I hissed at him. He closed our door and put his hands up. "Oh calm down they won't think much of it Tyler." He said simply.

"You don't know that Josh." I emphasized his name and he rolled his eyes. His eyes left mine and he walked over to the snack table.

"Why would you do that?" I began rubbing my temples. I was so overheated and mad all at once I felt as if I would pass out. "Because I wanted to. I knew I would like it." He replied quietly munching on corn chips. My eyes opened and I looked over at him.  "What?" I couldn't believe he said that.

"You heard me. I liked it. I thought if I tweeted that picture you would realize something. I just need you Tyler. I love you so much and I never stopped." He was searching my eyes for something as he talked.

"What about Debby?" I replied. "You're kidding me right? We both know that was for the press." He began fumbling his fingers but never looked away from me.

"Does she know that?"

"Well no but-" I interrupted him with a sigh.

"Ty if she had any common sense she would know. I only want you. I miss the way we used to be." He was pleading for me to say something but I wouldn't feel right doing that to Debby despite me hating her. "Maybe you should have a talk with Debby." I said nothing more and I didn't want to get hurt again. Before he could say anything else Michael opened the dressing room door.

"We're ready to go guys." He opened the door wider and Josh sighed in defeat. I walked out before Josh and went straight to the bus.