Shaking Shoulders // Joshler

Four

a/n; I know this has started really slow and I'm super sorry but I have a lot planned for this fic so pwease stay with me :)

Tyler's POV

After last nights sins I decided it'd be best to avoid Josh. I didn't bother to charge my phone when I got home this morning. I don't even know how I managed to make it home through the thick fog of air. I can't believe I fell to harming myself again. I promised Josh I wouldn't and once he finds out I'll feel so awful. I let him down and we've only been friends for a week.

you should be used to letting people down by now

I didn't look at my dad when he handed me my pill. I feel bad for making him feel like shit but then the other part of me doesn't. He apologized when he handed me breakfast. My brother just stared at me. He's more understanding then I will ever be.

I go back to my room without finishing half of my food. Sometimes I can deal with my mind. Their whispers can be blissful sometimes and I take advantage of that and write when they talk. I took out my music journal from my book bag. I write what I think and what I feel so I end up filling a few pages. I'm in the middle of my next rhyme when there is a knock at the door. I'm truly not in the mood to talk to my dad but he knocks again. Ugh why must he be so relentless?

"Come in." I say annoyed while I close my journal.

It's not my dad it's Josh.

he's gonna find out and you'll be alone again with me

Josh's POV

Tyler hasn't texted me at all since I left yesterday. We usually text till late and he never texted me back and I didn't worry about it until this afternoon. He's usually on his phone listening to music when he's not with me so he has to be receiving my texts. Why hasn't he texted me back? Is he ignoring me? Maybe we talked about too much yesterday. Maybe his phone is broke or something. But wouldn't he come over and hang out anyway? Should I even been worrying this much?

I don't want to sit here and do nothing about it; I'm going over his house to see whats up. Maybe he's actually trying to ignore me and will make up an excuse for me to leave. I hope that's not the case. I walk up to his door, my palms sweaty from my nerves. I knock a few times and wait for someone to come.

His dad answers and doesn't say anything because he's coughing so he just lets me inside. I walk to Tyler's room and I knock. Typically I would walk right in but I wasn't sure if it was okay or not because he hasn't texted me. I wait a bit and knock again.

"Come in." Finally he answers and I open the door revealing him sitting at his desk.

His eyes widen as he realizes it's me. He was probably expecting his brother or dad. I probably should have thought of something to say before I opened the door.

"Hey." I say not wanting to sound needy or strange.

"Hey Josh." He fumbles his fingers. I'm still standing and it's all awkward. I close the door and lay down on his bed while he gets up from his desk to lay down with me.

"So why haven't you texted me man?" God I bet that sounded weird. How do I manage to screw up a conversation?

"Oh uh my phone died and I broke my charger." So he was ignoring me.

"Your charger looks fine to me." I glance in the direction where it's plugged in to the wall. Did I do something to make him ignore me?

"Oh yeah I have that one. I was talking about another one."

"Tyler you're bad at lying." Maybe I didn't do anything and he just needs his space. But I've known him long enough to know that's not right. He hates being alone.

"I was just in a bad mood last night it's really nothing to fret over." He sighs. He bites his lip and I know something is up.

"Then you would have texted me this morning. Tyguy did I do something?"

Tyler's POV

I feel awful. I've been lying and lying and he can see right through me. I miss his smile. He's been frowning this whole time and it makes me feel even worse.

"Josh you didn't do anything. My dad just upset me last night and I went to the tree house in need of some space."

"Did you do anything to yourself?" He moved his gaze from the ground to my eyes.
Shit.
I try to think of another lie but my mind blanks.
"Tyler."
I'm going to break down. I don't want to cry again but it's all I can do. My lip starts to quiver and Josh moves his spot on the bed closer to me. Instead of holding me in his arms he slides my sleeves up. I've never seen someone's face go from full blown sad to even more distraught. When I see his face fall I can't help but cry even harder. He sighs in my ear and starts to hug me.

you don't deserve his comfort

I feel a tear fall on my arm from his eyes. I look up at him and wipe the tears as he silently cries.

"Don't cry for me."

He held me harder and we stayed like that for a long time.

He stopped crying and I just sat in his arms quiet. We sat in silence for almost half an hour until he spoke.

"I'm not mad at you. A tad upset but I won't let that affect us."

I simply nodded not feeling the need to say anything. He got up and I already missed his warmth. I laid down watching him go towards my book bag. He zipped it open and took my phone out and walked back to the other side of my room and plugged it in. Then he went back to the book bag and took out the pouch of razor blades. He looked inside, bit his lip, and then went to my bathroom. I heard a clink and a flush so I assumed he flushed them. My gateway straight down the drain. He came back to the bed, I turned on the tv, and he held me in his arms.

May 5th; I fixed a LOT in this chapter and I realized I never said you guys could message me whenever you feel like it. Like if you need to vent or something I'm here for you & if your bored I'm always up for a conversation. <3