Shirtsleeves

Chapt. 11

"....and so after Dianna and I talked about that I decided to move out."

Karlie lounges on her long sectional with her legs over Taylor. A position naturally familiar to the previous couple. After her shower and being able to compose herself she invited Taylor over to talk. Although the gesture felt weird because of the night she just shared with Kendall, it also felt overdue. She decided she needed to be in Taylor's presence and to see the older girl as soon as possible. And Taylor happily accepted the invitation to come over. Karlie's nerves instantly disappeared once Taylor was at her front door. Now here they are casually lounging on her couch and talking. It felt nice.

"You're moving out? Isn't that kind of backwards?" Karlie questions nonetheless laughing at the situation. Yet her demeanor changes when Taylor only offers a small guarded smile and a shrug. "Tay, you know I'm kidding, what's wrong?"

" I don't think I'm happy." Taylor sighs as she stares off into space. "I've never actually told you how sorry I am, or regretful." Taylor mumbles now turning her attention to Karlie who had taken Taylor's hand.

"I've never blamed you for anything. Maybe we just need this, you know? Time living apart and hanging out to figure things out. Because I do miss you." Karlie states strongly as she gently rubs circles on Taylor's hand.

"I miss you too Kar." Taylor smiles sadly as she glances at their entwined fingers.

"I also think you should give Dianna a little more of a chance. Who said something to change your mind?" Karlie acknowledges and states as she studies Taylor's current demeanor.

"My mom made a comment to me.. She said 'Don't rush into things' and it's settling with me... Maybe I'm just being dumb, I don't know. What about Kendall?" Taylor asks and Karlie goes noticeably tense. Taylor has no idea what could've sparked such a reaction but Karlie is reminded of last night crazily.

"Kendall isn't for me, she's a great friend." Karlie states slowly and Taylor hears the sadness laced in her friends voice.

"Did she hurt you?" Taylor suddenly asks and Karlie's eyes shoot up. Taylor's body goes tense with defense and, jealousy? Thankfully Karlie is quick to shut her down.

"Babe, no. She wouldn't ever hurt me. I'll admit there's been some awkward tension with her and I but, that's over now. We're just friends." Karlie quickly states reassuringly waving it off. She herself relaxes once she feels Taylor relax under her and her face soften. It's a gesture that makes her heart flutter. Ever since they broke up, whenever Karlie has seen Taylor since she's noticed something different about the way Taylor's blue eyes shine. A good different, the kind that shows Karlie that her ex still has to catch her breath whenever Karlie walks into the room. It shows how she still loves Karlie.

Something that Karlie holds on to.

"Taylor? Can I ask you something?" Karlie questions a bit uneasily. Taylor smiles and nods her head to encourage Karlie to continue.

"What did I do wrong that pushed you away?"

That question was enough. Taylor immediately removes Karlie's legs from over her and once she does she moves forward and crashes Karlie into a tight and loving hug.

"Baby no, god no please don't ever think you pushed me away because you didn't, I swear you did nothing wrong like that. What I did to you is unforgivable and is no excuse. I'm so bad at expressing my emotions anymore that I haven't even been able to acknowledge how much hate I have for myself. But I really do hate myself Karlie, I have so much hurt and regret for what I've done to you. It keeps me up at night, maybe this is too much information but, I can't even sleep with Dianna. It gets to that point but I just can't continue or go further. I'm full of guilt." Taylor expresses sadly.