MY SECOND BUT TRUE LOVE #Wattys2016

CHAPTER FIFTY SIX

How could he do the same to me? How could he trap me back into the thing from which he had liberated me? No answer? The silence brought so many agonising moments back that I couldn't take it. I moved my head from his chest and got down from the bed.

"Where are you going?" He asked while looking at me.

"Good night" I snapped and turned towards the door.

"Amour" he said and got hold of my wrist.

"What?" I questioned without looking at him.

"I don't have an answer to your question" he replied but to me those weren't words but venom. The tears I was fighting had won and spilled down my cheeks.

He looked at me confused, clearly not anticipating a wail. But he didn't know what he had just provoked. The feelings I thought I'd never feel again were back, back to ravage me.

"He used to do the same thing, say the same words you just used" I quivered and pulled my wrist.

He froze and just stared at me.

"Is this another beginning of my past? Is it going to be even worse? Maybe I am over reacting but I can't kneel down before my weakness again. I can't lose my strength. I don't want to become a wreck as before, I want to sail on these waves of life and make through storms, not get sunk by that little hole or destroyed by the sailors. I want to be complete" I rambled in anger mixed with sadness. The tears just kept streaming down my face and his face looked blurry. I closed my eyes and collapsed to the ground crying. All of my strength faded and all that was left was my weaknesses. And for the first time in months, I felt alone.

"Babe" he whispered and placed his hand on my shoulder. But I moved away. My face was buried in my hands.

"I am sorry" he said and moved my hands from my face gently.

"This is what I was fearing and in the attempt of avoiding it, I actually did it" he confessed in a low voice.

"What do you mean?" I asked him while looking at his face. But with all the tears in my eyes I couldn't see it properly.

"First stop crying" he said and wiped my tears with his fingers.

"I can't bear to see you like this" he continued and placed his hand on my cheek while wiping the teardrops with his thumb.

"You made me cry" I replied childishly.

"I know. I am very sorry" he apologised and I could see his Adam's apple bobbing.

"Then why didn't you answer me?" I asked while gazing into his eyes.

"Because I feared that the truth may drive you away" he replied and rested his forehead against mine.

"Why would it?" I questioned.

"You do ask a lot of questions" he said and it forced me to giggle as the memory flashed in my mind.

"This is how I like you" he whispered and pecked my lips.

"Tell me Amarion" I said sternly.

"Amour my love, I fear breaking you. I fear that my one wrong move may shatter you to more fragments than before" he answered softly.

Break? Is that why he kept distance?

"How?" I asked, not bothering if I was asking too many questions because I had the right to know.

"I may come too close to you physically and do something you don't like. Do something that reminds you of your past" he replied with a remorseful look.

And it hit me. The emotion that used to flash in his eyes when we would be too close and his quick pulling away, all of those little hints made sense now. It was fear of breaking me.

"You may have put your fragments back together but you're still precarious. And the more careless I'd be the more you would become prone to break" he replied with watery eyes.

I felt like hitting myself. How could I compare my angel to the darkness of my past? He was trying to protect me. He was impeding his feelings to guard my rearranged splinters and I had thought he was being selfish like him.

"I am so sorry Amarion" I whispered and caressed his cheek.

"Don't be" he replied and smiled. He looked heartbreaking with tears of regret in his eyes and a small sad smile. It hurt me more to know that it was due to me.

"How can you break me Amarion? You've given me the strength to be myself again. There is nothing you have to fear. Do whatever you want, I am all yours" I said and smiled, trying to assure him.

"Didn't I do it now?" he asked and gazed into my eyes.

"No, it was me and my stupid thoughts" I answered and he giggled. He looked beautiful with the tears sparkling and the innocence on his lips. How could have I ever doubted my angel? He could do anything but break me.

"You don't have to fear anything. There is no barrier between us. Our words, our feelings and our thoughts are from this heart to this" I said and gestured at his heart and then mine. He listened to me silently, as if processing and comprehending each word completely.

"Don't hide anything from me. I will never judge you, being driven away is not at all possible" I continued and moved his hair from his forehead. The frown on his face gradually began to dissolve. Perhaps my words were taming his wild fear. He gazed into my eyes quietly, at that moment there was nothing I wished for more than being able to read his mind. The insecurity no longer camouflaged in his eyes. It surrendered itself because it knew that truth had it ambushed.

The worry faded from his countenance and a lovely smile played on his lips. I leaned forward and pecked his heart throbbing smile.

"There is nothing that could part us but death and even then the dead would be alive in the heart of the living" I whispered and he pulled me into a hug.