Green Eyed Daydream #Wattys2016

Chapter 54

Carrie's POV

"Please, don't shut the door," Tyler says, pressing his palm to the wood surface of the door. "I promise I won't stay long."

I meet his pleading eyes, waver for a moment, but step aside, letting him enter.

Tyler's wearing a black peacoat, and he's got a beanie on, his hair escaping it and sweeping his forehead. I have to fight my all too natural urge to reach over and smooth it with my fingers.

He walks past me, and I breathe in his scent...the drug I've been trying to kick all this time is now slowly seeping back inside my pores.

I shut the door, and follow him, willing myself to remain stoic and sober.

"I heard from Tiffany that you're leaving for the holidays," he begins.

"Yup. Going to visit my mom," I tell him what he probably already knows.

Tyler pulls his beanie off, and runs his fingers through his messy hair. I nearly forgot just how bloody hot he looks...Damn it.

"Look, I know that cornering you at work like that wasn't very mature. And I am sorry about losing my cool in front of...your friend." I notice Tyler's jaw clench a little when he says "friend," and I know how much effort it's taking him not to swear. "I only wanted to talk to you," he says, and looks at me searchingly. "There are things that have been left unsaid between us, and I need you to hear them."

"Okay, Tyler, go ahead. Get whatever it is you need to off your chest," I say, and squint at him, wondering if he'll man up and actually admit to sleeping with Nicole. Do I want that? A full confession? It'll make me literally sick to hear him say those words out loud. I brace myself.

"First thing: I love you. Whatever else comes out of my mouth, that is the one thing I want you to be crystal clear about. I fucking love you with all my heart, Carrie. Being with you has been the best thing to happen to me, and I feel like the most undeserving, unappreciative fucking bastard on earth for having doubted you even for a second--"

Hearing him say these words feels as though Cupid is stabbing me with his arrow over and over again, but I can't let him continue. My heart has titanium armor on, and the arrowheads break off on contact.

"You love me, Tyler? Really? Your actions seem to prove otherwise," I say, smirking at him.

He looks at me, and noticeably cringes. "I know, I'm a fuck-up, and believe me, I've stayed up countless nights thinking about how to make it up to you...and all I've come up with, is that I can't. I can't turn back the clock and undo it. But what I can do is swear to you that if you give me another shot, I will forever be as honest and open as I can with you, and have faith in you always."

"Is there anything else?" I ask, avoiding his eyes, and picking at my nails.

I hear him exhale. "Yeah...I also know that I am in no position to make demands, and I can't force you to reciprocate my feelings. If you don't think that what we have is worth a fight...then I guess I'll let you wave your white flag and bow out. I mean...is that what you really want?" Tyler asks, softly.

I guess he won't come clean after all. It's more than a little disappointing to hear him pronounce such flowery speeches about love and honesty, meanwhile harboring such a dirty secret. Hypocrite.

"What I want, and what's good for me, are two different things..." I tell him.

"I am what's good for you," he says, and tries to come closer, but I back away.

"No, you're not," I protest, but he keeps his steady approach.

"Carrie, don't do this. Don't end it because of one mistake," he says, and captures my hand, pulling me to him.

My resolve is far too weak, and I allow myself to savor this one final embrace. I place my hands on his chest, and look up at his face. I notice the dark circles under his eyes, further proof of sleepless nights, the light stubble on his chin and cheeks, signs of neglected care...perhaps he has been miserable... perhaps there is regret for what he has done. I pity him, I do, but pity is not enough.

"I'm sorry, Tyler...I can't."

He looks as though he might unravel at any moment. "You're cruel," he says finally, and releases me.

I can see that his demeanor is changing. Anger is flashing in the greens of his eyes, and I welcome it. Let him rage on. Better that, than false love vows.

"The way you just shut me out, and refuse...simply refuse to try again is so obstinate, and childish. You know what we have is worth saving, but you're too fucking stubborn to even try. Fine! I'll disappear from your fucking life if that's what you really want," he spits angrily.

My heart is beating frantically beneath my skin, and I feel the tears coming on. He has no idea that I know. I could just confront him about Nicole, and watch him writhe in shame as I look on disgusted....I could...but I won't. That is not how I want to remember him. In fact, I just want to forget him altogether.

"Tyler, if you have a shred of decency, you will leave me right now....please," I say, and wipe my face with the back of my hand.

He holds my gaze for a moment, and then digs into his jean pocket retrieving my spare key.

He flicks it to me, and I catch it clumsily.

"Don't bother changing the locks," he growls, and stomps out of my apartment, slamming the door behind himself.