Green Eyed Daydream #Wattys2016

Chapter 58

Carrie's POV

My heartbeat finally returns to its normal pace, but I am still afraid to speak. I'm lying on my back, staring into the darkness...acutely aware of Tyler's body mere inches away from mine. I am not sure what came over me, and how I could have been so weak, but I am not sorry. That's the one thing I know deep down. I do not regret this. I didn't just let it happen...I've wanted this to happen... I've longed for it.

But what happens now? After this, I feel even more tethered to him than ever before. How can I say goodbye to him now? I feel a lump growing in my throat...just don't cry! Don't cry.

Suddenly, I feel Tyler's warm hand cover mine. I can't see him clearly in the darkness, but I feel him. I feel his body heat...and all I want is to curl up into his arms.

"Carrie," I hear him say. "I didn't mean to... I hope you don't...I've just missed you so much, and--"

"Tyler," I interrupt him. "I've missed you too. The truth is that I've tried to forget you. I've tried to move on...and I just can't." I turn to my side, and prop my head up on my elbow. "I threw out everything that reminded me of you. I even erased all of your pictures from my phone, well, all except for one...but even that didn't help. Because the reality is that it doesn't matter what I do...you're still on my mind...all the time."

I watch Tyler move closer to me, and then I feel his arms reach around me, and bring me into his embrace. I burrow into his familiar nook, and breathe in his scent.

"Baby, you have no idea what it means to hear you say that...because I've thought of none but you these last two months. The first couple of weeks were pure fucking agony. Everywhere I went, everywhere I looked, I thought of you...I dreamt of bumping into you on the street, of holding your hand, of wrapping my arms around you as you drifted off to sleep. I thought I was going to lose my mind. Then, when Tiffany set the date for the wedding, I knew I was going to see you, and it gave me something to look forward to...but I never expected for it to be...I mean, only in my dreams did I think you'd let me anywhere near you...let alone..."

"Yeah, this wasn't exactly part of the plan..."

"Do you regret it happened?" he asks, and I hear the vulnerability in his voice.

"No. But I'm not sure what it means for us now... I mean, we're still broken up," I tell him.

I hear him let out a sigh. "I wish we weren't. I wish you'd find a way to forgive me." He releases me, and sits up, facing me. "Carrie, I swear on my life, I will never hurt you, or make you question my trustworthiness again. If I had known that stupid trust test would wreck our relationship like that, I never would have even considered--"

"Tyler, stop," I interrupt him. I can't believe he still thinks this is all about that. This bullshit ends now! "I know, okay? I know you slept with your ex-girlfriend while we were on a break."

"Whoa...What? The hell are you talking about?" Tyler says, and I can't believe he's trying to put on this innocent act right now.

I stand up, adjust my dress, and go to sit in the winged arm chair by the window. "I came over to your house and Nicole opened the door, practically naked, and told me you two made up. But you never told me about that, did you? Did you think I wouldn't find out? Or did you think that because I said I need to take a break, it meant you could just go and screw other people?"

Tyler comes closer to me, and sits on the edge of the desk next to the chair, and turns on the lamp. "Carrie, look at me," he says, but I struggle to make myself face him. "Carrie, you need to know that what I am about to tell you, is 100% honest to god truth, okay? Please believe me."