Gravity

Chapter 15

"Care to tell me what last night was about?" Amy asked curling up at the end of our white sofa after handing me a cup of coffee.
I traced my fingers carelessly along the rim trying to find my words.
"I'm afraid I've lost him." I said bluntly. The honesty of my confession took me by surprise. It's not like we had even been "together" all that long but I had to be honest with myself and that left me missing not only him but who I was with him. He made me truly happy.
"You didn't loose him. You will if you keep going the way you're going but you haven't yet. He cares a great deal for you. The 3,763,972 missed calls on your phone should tell you that plus the fact I have been on the phone with most of the night trying to keep him from flying over."

"I feel like hell." I admitted.

"As you should. For more than one reason." I knew she was not referring to my horrid hangover but rather the drinking out with another man.
"Is this fixable?" I looked down at my mug afraid to look at her of fear of her answer.
"With David? Yeah I think so....damage control with the press.....that may be a whole new ballgame."
Sitting my mug on the coffee table I slumped back down deep into the couch wishing it would swallow me whole.
"I can't believe I was so stupid and let all this happen. I told you it was only a matter of time before they found out who I was and now look what has happened."
Amy sat her mug down and moved over sitting next to me.
"Look at me." Peaking my face up from my blanket I looked over to her staring at me with deep concern. "You have come such a long way from not only your bad past but with your sobriety. I refuse to let you get tangled back up in that lifestyle. Honestly it doesn't suit you." She smirked.

"Gee thanks."

"And you think passing out in the hall at the door does?"

Dammit she had a point.

"No. It don't." I mumbled.

"Good. Now let's get up shake the night off and for the love of god call the man before he blows my phone up."

"I don't know if I can. How can I face him after that?"

"He is still calling for you even with last night plastered all over the Internet. That has to say something to you. If not....." She paused getting up from the couch "then I'm afraid your are very blind my friend." She gave a slight smile before leaving the room with me alone with my thoughts. I sat there for the longest time just staring out of the large windows down at the city. People going about to and from wherever their lives lead. How could I have been so stupid I asked myself hundreds of times. Not ready to take on calling David I needed a distraction so I decided to head in to work to turn my mind off for a bit.

~~~~~~~~~

Opening the front door of our building I let myself out onto the New York City pavement and was greeted by the never ending sounds and the smells of the city. I closed my eyes and breathed in deep soaking it all in. Feeling refreshed I jumped into the never ending fast pace of the human traffic. It was normally only a five minute walk to the salon but I went a couple extra blocks just enjoying the warm sunny day. Earbuds in their trusty place I glanced down at my phone to turn my music off as I rounded the corner to work. Removing my bud I was quickly assaulted and unprepared with the sudden uproar and panic sit in.

"Joslyn how long have you and David been together?"
"Is it true you are cheating?"
"Does David know about the other man?"
"Where is David?"
"Do you still work for David?"

I froze on the spot. My body was paralyzed. I didn't know what to do. The crowd kept closing in on me invading my personal space and I struggled to breath. Quickly looking for a way out I bent low and squeezed between two people and ran for dear life thanking god I wore my running shoes along the way. I could hear several footsteps chasing and calling my name behind me. Rounding the nearest corner I ducked into the closest place I found. Not stopping there I ran to their bathrooms into the first stall and collapsed to the floor. The panic now gone was replaced with fear and sadness. In one single night I had ruined David's image.
Unsure of how long I sat in the floor of the bathroom stall I felt it should be safe enough to come out. I unfolded myself stretching my sore body as I stood. Glancing at my reflection in the mirror before I left I didn't even recognize myself. I looked sick....ghastly even with dark circles under my eyes. No color.... no spark.....almost like I had aged 10 years. Splashing a little cool water on my face didn't help my looks but it made me feel a tiny bit better. I cracked open the bathroom door scanning the room for anything that may resemble paparazzi and thankfully came up empty handed. Slowly stepping out I took the unhurried chance to finally take in my surroundings.
Just. Fucking. Great.
On one hand I was grateful I knew where I was. On the other hand the White Horse Tavern was no where I needed to be. Sighing heavily out loud I glanced from the bar stool to the door then back again. The empty space called my name repeatedly and wasn't something I could ignore.
"Just one beer" I whispered out loud to myself. "Just one"
Pep talk over I sat down feeling relief wash over.