Gravity

Chapter 36

We laid curled up in each other after the long evening of events trying to catch our breath. David was reading and I was watching the evening news as his phone pinged. After a beat he sighed deeply and tossed his phone to the side along with his book.

"We need to discuss a few things." He said rather sternly.
"Ok....." I said muting the tv. "What's going on?"

"I know there is something you are not telling me and before we get married...I need to know what it is."
I swallowed hard my stomach bottoming out. How in the hell did he know? Were we thinking about the same "thing"? I was unsure of what to do or say exactly so I shifted up to my knees and picked at the blanket.
"Joslyn."
I slowly looked up to met his stare. "We have to be honest with each other or this will never work."

"Can I ask how you know I'm keeping something from you?"

"Well for one, you just admitted it and two...we will discuss that after you tell me what it is you are hiding from me because I too have something to tell." He admitted.

"Ok... I just....I feel that when I tell you that you will change how look and see me and honestly I don't want that."

"That's for me to decide but I hardly see that being the case."

"You don't know what I did...."

"Yet." He stated. He had that look he always wore when he was getting impatient...the creases growing deeper in his forehead by the second. I sighed knowing there was no way out of this. I grabbed a pillow and sat cross cross apple sauce never once looking up.

"I had an abortion." I spit out so fast I nearly stumbled over on the bed. It felt so odd actually hearing the words aloud. I mean, yeah I knew what I had done...and so did one other person, but I had never spoke about it afterwards...so actually hearing it....my voice saying those words....it was foreign. It didn't take but a split second for my mind to instantly take me right back to that moment. That sterile smell...the bright lights...the face of the nurse....but most of all the pain. Every single tiny detail flooded me in that single second and paralyzed me.

"Joslyn." David said bringing me to. I jerked my eyes meeting his. Mixed emotions washed over his face and I was unable to see what he was feeling or thinking. "Tell me about it." He said quietly.

I tried opening my mouth to spit the words out but nothing came. I sat unmoving, unsure of where to start so as usual....the beginning made sense.

"Justin." It was one word but it was a start. I swear five minutes past before my brain finally connected with my mouth and I began to speak. "One night he literally beat the shit out of me...yeah he had beat me before but this time....this time I think he meant to kill me." I paused a moment swallowing the bile that was quickly rising. "We had been out partying...the usual alcohol and drugs. He had accused me of sleeping with his best friend and long story short when we got home he let me have it. I had known I was pregnant just a couple of days. I wasn't very far along....not that that justifies what I did." I paused reliving the past. "Anywho...thankfully after he beat me, he left. When I came to I was able to call someone for help. They came and got me...took me to hospital and I just decided... I didn't want that life for a child. The alcohol....the drugs...the abuse....that's no way to raise a child. Yeah there is always adoption but he never would have signed off on it, so I did what I thought was best and what's worse...I don't regret it."

"Jesus fucking Christ!" He yelled jumping up from the bed. "I will fucking kill him if it's the very last thing I do!" He began to pace the room range taking over. I had never really ever seen him this angry and to be honest it scared me. I quietly moved from the bed and slipped out of the room and headed for his office. I grabbed a bottle of the good stuff and a cigar and made my way back to where he was still pacing. His fist clenched and his jaw tight. He was fighting a war with himself I could see as to what action he wanted to take. Quietly I crept up behind him softly placing my hand on his shoulder.

"Here. It will help." I said hading him the cigar and bottle of whiskey. His eyes instantly softened as he looked down at me and my gesture.
"Joslyn...I...."

"Shhhh. Don't say anything yet. Just take a few swigs and relax a second. It's not going anywhere." He took the bottle from my hand and quickly chugged it down then wasted no time lighting the cigar.

"I don't know how to navigate this."

"I understand that." I informed taking my place back on the bed.

"Not just what you did...I understand why but him beating you....I can not wrap my head around it. You have no idea how badly I want to get on a plane and hunt him down."

"He's not worth it."

He stalked over and opened the window griping the edge until his knuckles wore white. I saw defeat take over just as he dropped his head.

"David..."

"Don't" he choked out. "Just don't. Give me a second."

It wasn't much longer before he wiped the tears from his eyes and somewhat pulled himself back together before kneeling next to the bed. He pulled my legs until I was sitting before him.

"Thank you for telling me. I don't know how you went through any of that....your whole life Joss...." he cut off shaking his head. "It makes me want to question so many things...."
I wiped away a stray tear with my thumb then caressed his face.

"I'm ok David. I did what I had to do. It's fine."

"None of it is fine!! The person you are...the woman I know...you deserve to have the best of life and how you managed to turn out as amazing as you are...with everything you have seen...I am beside myself.  I am honored to have you as my future wife. So marry me."

"I already told you I would."

"No. I mean it. Marry me. As soon as possible. You tell me what you want and I'll have it done next week. I don't want to wait another day."

"What??? You can't be serious?"

"I am."

"We can't possibly pull a wedding off by next week."

"Watch me. All you have to do and tell me what you want and it's done. You just have to get a dress."

"David..."

"I mean it. I want you now as my wife. Not next year...not after the baby but yesterday!"  I stared into his eyes. This man was dead serious and was not going to take no for an answer.

"Ok, but first things first....."

"You name it."

"How did you know?"

"Oh that...it is my turn to confess...." he sighed. "Well when I went to New York I was really in Boston."

"What? Why?"

"I've been helping Savannah out. I got her a condo close to the hospital for when Olivia has surgery it will be convenient for them."

"Why did she not tell me? Why did she go to you?"

"You will have to ask her that question but I honestly do not mind helping her out. I am glad I can help take care of them."

"You are a wonderful man David Gandy."

"Will be even more wonderful when I have you as my wife."

"So...a wedding in a week eh?"

"Not a day later."

"Guess we better get to planning then?"

"It would be in your best interest unless you want me to do it all."

"I love you and all but I couldn't do that." He chuckled pulling me into his chest

"I love you Joslyn. And I can promise you never will I ever do anything to hurt you."

"I believe you."

"Good." He leaned in and kissed me passionately. "I hope you never tire of me kissing you because it's all I will be doing for the rest of our lives."

"I could never."