oh dear! more of sam's rants are here

ranting already oh no

rant where i talk about anxiety ++ stress so if that triggers you please stay safe babes and feel free to skip if you aren't into personal things

it's currently 10:30 ish where i am and normally i'm asleep by 10 bUt then again i took a nap when i got home which is maybe why i'm still awake and that makes up for it right??? maybe anyWays i have this thing due for band class tomorrow which i haven't even started / practiced for in weeks and o really really need to get a good grade because although i'm not 100% good at percussion i really love it and not next year but the year after i'll have to try out for a spot in the band and i'm hoping maybe if i'm dedicated enough my band teacher will overlook my lack of skill maybe and i'm going to practice as hard as possible to be better but at the moment i'm extremely stressed about it because what if i don't finish it in time? what if i can't figure out how to send the assignment to my teacher? i'm just really worried about it so that's kinda keeping me awake and i'm really stressed that i'll fall asleep in class tomorrow due to my not sleeping now which is giving me insanely crippling anxiety and my throat hurts from hyperventilating and i honestly have no reason for these feelings because i have it great (not that i'm bragging i'm just trying to make a point) and i have absolutely no reason to stress compared to others who have it much much worse than i do but i dunno i'm just really worried about everything and i'm kinda freaking out about my knee because i went to practice yesterday and hurt it worse and its like burning without the brace on it right now and i'm not going to practice tomorrow and aH i just don't know i'm just worried about school and assignments and i have miss three days because i'm going on vacation and missing 1 day throws off my entire schedule and i have to make up so much work and i have standardized testing for two of those days which i'll have to make up during class time and then i'll have to make up what i miss in class while i make up the test and i just can't sleep i'm freaking out