oh dear! more of sam's rants are here

17, phan

requester ; lilactaehyung

prompt ; things you said i wish you hadn't

ship ; phan (dan x phil)

pov ; phil

category ; angst ?

word count ; 499

notes ; i've been writing so many angsty / sad things lately whOOPS my hands are slipping

☾

"please stay."

i shouldn't have listened to you. i really should not have listened to you. but i did.

i should've gone home.

i didn't have to be hurt. i could've stopped this.

but i didn't.

it seems everyone loved you; you were the school's bad boy, so of course they did. boys and girls alike, you would fuck anyone who came begging at your feet. i refused to be one of those people, which made you chase me. normally, this worked for you. people would feel 'special' and go running to you. but not me, no, i ran away. i didn't want to be caught up in your shit and the hurricane you left behind you. you viewed this as a challenge. it wasn't. it was a plead. a plead for you to leave me alone.

i was a straight up drifter. i had very few friends, and many people had no idea who i was - until you did, at least. it seemed that after you spoke my name every dangirl and boy in the school knew who i was. this attention wasn't wanted. not at all.

i got invited to many things. parties, get together, sleepovers, everything. i became your latest 'boy toy' and yet, i hadn't spoken a word to you. when you tried to talk to me, i brushed by you. i didn't go to many of the things i was invited, but my friend louise convinced me to go to just one party. of course, this one was at your house (which i didn't know). there was so much alcohol, which i had never had, and i overestimated myself. somehow, i ended up in your bedrooms. the details are still fuzzy.

all i remember from that night was wanting to leave. i didn't want to have sex with you, not even in my drunken state. but you know what you said to me? i'm sure you do. you said, "please stay." and you know what i did? i stayed. because damn it, i was the one who the bad boy continued to chase after i ignored so many times. i felt special damn it, and the drinks were messing with my head.

i'm sure you remember this, because you were sober.

i, however, clearly was not.

i'm sure you remember explicitly what happened that night.

what you did after this?

the next morning i woke up with a screaming headache, wearing nothing. the only thing i could find in that room was my boxers and i knew exactly what happened. when i came to the kitchen, you were wearing nothing but an apron, at which i scoffed, "jesus christ, put some clothes on."

you were always a witty one, for you replied, "you didn't seem to mind much last night."

and what you did then? asked me out. what i replied with? for some reason, yes.

and what did you do to me? well that's a whole other story.

let's just say, it wasn't very good.

☾

note ; i kinda hate this, sorry my dudes