Byron's Secret (Slenderman Romance)

Chapter 63. Realization

Short chapter ahead, guys. Please read the A/N at the end afterwards :)

【Byron's POV】

I don't know how many hours have passed. It remains dark outside. I could only stare out the window in silence as I wait for sleep to come.

She, on the other hand, has no trouble sleeping whatsoever, settling in the same position from when she was awake. Her arm managed to stay around my waist and not once did she move. I didn't dare remove it and risk her waking up－No, I prefer the solitude.

I keep replaying the previous days in my head, but none of it still makes any sense. Day or night, it finds a way to cloud my thoughts and take control of my actions. One minute, I would be perfectly fine and the next, I'm doing something I would have naturally avoided. It feels like I'm losing my own judgement. I hate it.

I was not lying when I told her the reason why I returned the kiss, though I never planned to tell her in the first place. What she said bothered me, throwing me in the same group as those weak-minded men she has been with－I'm not as foolish as they are. Does she honestly think I'm like them? I got too worked up and ended up blurting it out. Pathetic.

Then, afterwards . . . I don't know what was I planning to do. Seeing her with her guard down, talking so animatedly about what she thinks she knows, the things on her mind easily readable on her face, and getting furious about what I did the previous night . . . I just－

I let out a deep sigh. I'm back to the start, not knowing why I closed the distance between us in that, one moment. It's just fortunate that I didn't do anything hasty other than that.

It boggles my mind. I hate her type out of all. Loud, nosy, overly-friendly－and most of all－unpredictable. The fact that she is still unfazed after all the stalking and the strange things happening to her is why it's troublesome.

I need her fear, it will make me last a month or two if she continues to exude fear. It's how I avoid having to hurt anybody. One by one, the residents in the town believed and were terrified of an old, foreign myth, revived and spread around by people before me. No one had to hurt any body for decades. But that was years ago. Eventually, fear just wasn't enough. It merely became a dulling force. I was losing myself. I was fighting for my conscience. I had to do something to avoid chaos. If I fail, who knows what will become of me and the town . . . I have to do whatever it takes to prevent that.

I clenched my fists furrowed my brows. Thinking about the consequences caused a lump in my throat and a sick feeling in my stomach. I know that time is running out and I'll eventually have to hurt someone again. The reasoning that those people deserved what I would do to them doesn't help. I don't want to be someone who decides another's fate. Every time I do, the hatred I feel gets deeper and stronger. But, there will always be that second, right when I'm in the middle of it, where I feel powerful－satisfied, even－by taking someone's life. It is the source of my unease and is my very own definition of fear. It is the side I suppress.

Amidst the thoughts I knew well, I felt her hand twitch. Suddenly, she shifted in her sleep and I felt her moving closer, burying her face on the nape of my neck and sighing. Her hand around my waist began to move upwards to my chest, reaching over my shoulder, trapping me in a locked embrace. I could feel every breath she takes. This is uncomfortable . . .

Cautiously, I grabbed her hand on my shoulder and removed it, placing it back to her side and finally getting out of her hold. "Mm . . ." She made a sound before a distance formed between us. I glanced behind me, seeing that she rolled over to the side, her back faced against me. Realizing that there was a fair amount of space between us, I took it as a chance to move and lay on my back, feeling my side growing numb after staying in the same position for what seemed like hours.

Not even a minute has passed when she began to move again. I saw her curling up into a ball with her back shaking before she rolled towards me, her sleeping face right next to mine. I ignored it and shut my eyes, hoping the long night would pass quickly－That was until I felt her hand over my waist once again, this time, I didn't humor her anymore.

I took her hand and moved it away, but before I let go, I noticed the bruise on her arm, close to her wrist. With the help of the motel lights seeping in through the window, I distinguished the bluish color of it.

She is so . . . feeble and delicate. I didn't think it would end up like this . . . I didn't notice how hard I was gripping. At that time during the seminar, if I'm going to be honest, I disliked it when she was with Droney. I hated it even more when she seemed fine and started talking to that other guy. Her being alright meant that I was right－it's merely infatuation. And that bothers me even more . . . What exactly did I want . . ? In the end, I took it out on her as well.

I eyed and touched the bruise, making her flinch. That's when I noticed that she wasn't giving off the same heat as she normally does－she's freezing. Unsure of what to do, I simply grabbed the blanket on her waist and pulled it up to her neck, covering the both of us since there was only one blanket. I hadn't even noticed that I was already laying on my side once again, but this time, facing her.

As I stared mesmerized at her, I wondered what made her different from the rest. I don't normally care about what other people think or do, but whenever she does something unexpected, I almost always wonder why. Even the things she says gets to me. Another reason why I haven't asked Brian and Tim to stalk her in a long time is because I don't want her to change, like everyone else in the neighborhood.

It dawned on me. No matter how much I try to deny it, no matter how hard I fight it, I can't change the fact that I care about her. She got under my skin, and I carelessly let it happen. I can't even remember when I started to think this way. I wanted her gone the moment I met her, but now, it's different. She intrigues me with the way she thinks and with her undying optimism which I initially thought was pointless.

But, why was she putting a wall between us even after I said things I never planned to tell her? She used to cling tighter whenever I try to push her away. Now, she would do something to get close and say it was just a joke, that it's normal between 'friends'. She's deliberately putting me at arm's length. I know she's doing it on purpose too. It's irritating. It feels like I'm losing something that isn't mine in the first place.

Because of what happened during the seminar, the way she talks and acts around me has changed. She's even becoming closer to Droney, and I've seen how Droney treats other women and her－there's a big difference. I don't have the right to do anything after I rejected her, but I'm not letting Droney near her.

I know I'm not allowed to have any form of connection with her either. Brian wouldn't like it, considering what I did to him in the past . . . It will just seem hypocritical of me. He'll snap, and when he does, his actions will become increasingly reckless and erratic. He's not someone I want to provoke. It won't be safe, especially for her. He can't ever know.

I have to maintain the distance between us. It's for her own sake. But, I'm not letting anyone close to her. She is the one who wanted to get close to me. She wanted this. I'm going to make her only see me. I don't care what I have to do. She's mine and mine alone.

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I feel like this part deserves to have its own chapter by itself. We did wait 62 chapters for it. (LOL IM JUST PICKY WHEN IT COMES TO DIVIDING MY CHAPTERS) I'm going to write the next chap as soon as I can ^_^

So far, I have no plans, which means I'm stuck home with tons of time to update (tho I need to study). Hurhurhur. Thanks for reading!