Poetic Excuses

Fourteen

The time now is 4:39 am and I am posting at 9:20 am. This will be the third night in a row where I have not been able to sleep. I have been trying so hard and I am so tired, but I can't sleep. I stare at the wall, wondering what creatures are appearing behind my back. I haven't seen Veilor in two and a half weeks and ShadowDog hasn't paid me a visit in over a month. My imagination has been running free. Truth is.... I'm afraid. I'm afraid of losing them. I'm almost fourteen and I am more worried about losing them than anything else. School is out for the summer and I already miss them. Every time I go home from school, I start to forget what their faces look like. When I lay down for bed, I try to remember what they looked like and if they even knew me. Now I am going 2.5 months without seeing them. Maybe I will get to see one of them in a few weeks, but that is too long. I worry about if any of this is real. I apologize for being alive to something I don't even believe in. I hide in my room during these times of the year. I am afraid of the outside world. I'm almost fourteen. Shouldn't I be worried about what shows are of my interest on Netflix? Or whether I get invited to a party or not? Maybe even worried about what to do for food in this empty house? Well, I'm not. I worry about them. My family. I'm worried about how I will lose them in the future. I only have one dream- One goal: to be able to keep in touch with them after we graduate. I'm only fourteen and they are what I worry about... not porn, not tv, not art, school, or food- them.

I'm going to be fourteen soon, but I miss them.