Heartbreak Hotel: This Place Hotel

Chapter 12: Flat Line

Leena's POV

From across the room I watch my baby sister stand at a tall brown podium that sat on a small stage that didn't look to be no more than four feet tall. She stood there with poise and confidence, motioning in different directions as she spoke to those who listened. And it seemed that everyone was listening in the room.

I was standing in the back of one of the large group therapy rooms at Encino Rehabilitation center. All the people that sat before her were patients there. And for some reason, they all gave her their undivided attention. It wasn't at like I had expected. I expected there to be crying, or someone walking or, or telling here that what she was saying was bull shit. But they all sat there quietly. I was curious about that place. Being that Liyah had spent six months there, I wondered how she did it. Shit, I knew I couldn't do it. I was too damn stubborn, for one.

The reason why I was there was because I knew there was no other way I could get in touch with her. I hadn't seen her ass in days and it was crucial that I gave her the information that she needed to hear. I had to call everybody and their grandma's just to find out what she'd be doing today.

"If you don't already know me, My name is Liyah," she said after the introduction to her speech. "I just turned twenty-five. I am a professional entertainer, a wife, and a mother." She paused and glanced around the room. " And I was once dependent on drugs and razor blades."

It was weird hearing her say that out loud. When I found out about it, she sort of denied the whole thing. Or maybe just lied. She was in the hospital after overdosing on ecstasy pills when the doctors told me about it. I remember being in total shock. Trying to figure out how the hell my sister was doing drugs right under my nose and I didn't even know about it. That's what the fucked up part about it was. No one knew. Either way it felt funny hearing those words come out her mouth.

"I began using and cutting when I was just eleven years old, and I continued for about ten years. I became a patient here when I was eighteen, and it was then that I was told that I had a mental dependency on the drug I chose to take, and the razor blades that I had an irresistible attraction to. If you don't know what a mental dependency is, it is when something triggers that urge to take pills, or get high. Whether it is a picture, a person, your own memories. It doesn't matter. My triggers came from a memory of my childhood that I carried with me for so long." She took a sip from a glass before continuing. "When I was nine, I was sexually abused. It turned my world completely up side down. Then to add on to the pain, I was physically abused. Both, by my mother, and the man who took my innocence from me. I carried that void on my shoulders with everyday, and eventually the pain became too much for me to handle. I was mad at him, my mom, my sister. I was mad at God. I was mad at myself most of all. Because for some reason, I thought it was my fault. And I took all the frustration, and put it out on myself. By hurting myself.

"I don't even know how I got started with drugs, honestly. I just know that those pills I took made me feel better when I thought about my mom, or my abuser. I started working at a club to pay for them, I would even take money from my aunt to get them. " My eyes widened. " That's how far gone I was." I was shocked hearing this because I had never known Liyah to be a thief. A bitch maybe, but not a thief. "My wake up call wasn't when I nearly died of a drug overdose almost four years ago. It was when I found out I was going to be a mother, and I knew that I couldn't hurt my baby the way my mother hurt me. So, I stopped taking pills, I threw out all my antidepressants and I began focusing on the things that mattered to me more than antidepressants or ecstasy pills. That was my family and my work. I realized I couldn't continue hurting everybody I loved because I was being selfish. And I definitely knew that I couldn't be selfish with my daughter. I made a promise to myself that I would not have my daughter hate me the way I hated my own mother. And that is what keeps me going: my daughter, my family, and that promise I made to myself. I don't make promises I can't keep, and because of that promise I have been clean for three years now. "A huge smile flashed across her face. "I tell this story because I want you to know that there is hope. Even in your darkest hour, there is always a light that the shadows can fade into. You just have to look for it. And you'll just have to want it."