Heartbreak Hotel: This Place Hotel

Chapter 26: False Tranquility

Leena's POV

It was years ago, back in 1979. We were all staying together in the house that Sasha and Liana lived in now. It was a decent house, only had about five bedrooms, and I remember that we all had to share rooms. I remember it because I hated it. I had to share a room with De and Liyah, and they were both neat freaks. They were always complaining about my things being everywhere, about how I never cleaned up after myself. It got on my damn nerves. But apparently Sasha didn't want is going off on our owns in the point in time. I think that woman had some attachment issues or something.

Anyways, it was near the middle of the summer. I think it was at the end of Juky, and Liyah had been all sad and depressed as she was just the year before. It got on my damn nerves. She wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep. She was snapping at everybody. Isolating herself from everyone else. She was ten times as worse than she was before. Even more bitchy than she was before. A month before, she had gotten into and argument with Michael at a party and they broke up. And the thing that trip me out about it was, she broke up with him. Yet, she was the one acting all heart broken.

I couldn't understand it. I couldn't understand her. I never did. Even now. The reasoning for the break up was unclear to me, and honestly, I really didn't give a damn. That was the main reason why I stayed away from relationships, and I told her that that unhealthy shit wasn't gonna last. They argued too damn much. I saw it in the long run.

For many years leading up to that, I never thought that Liyah was on any kind of drug. Hell, I didn't even know that she cut herself-but, she did. I always assumed that Liyah was just dramatic about everything. That if things didn't go her way, she threw a bitch fit. And on some ways she was like that. Sober or not. But, there were times where I did question some of her behavior. One time she cut herself really badly with a knife in the kitchen. I mean, the knife went really deep in her skin that you could almost see the bone She didn't cry, she didn't even say it hurt. She just looked down at her finger that had blood gushing out of it, and shrugged her shoulders and said she need a band-aid. Later, she ended having to get stitches. That rose an eyebrow for me instantly.

Then there were all those times when she was about fourteen or fifteen. Around the time we started going to the Hotel regularly. One minute she'd be all antisocial and next she'd be on the dance floor dancing for hours. People would always say I was the party girl out of the five of us, but that wasn't all together true. Liyah was more of a party girl than I was. It was like a switch went on and she'd be dancing on tables. Literally.

So, you see these were subtle signs. Subtle signs of Ecstacy use. Or MDMA as they called it back then. But I wasn't aware of the signs. Shit, I really didn't know the signs were of any drug use actually. I just thought that those signs were apart of Liyah's twisted, mixed personality.

Liyah told me a while ago that she started them when she was twelve, but they were off and on. She said she depended on razor blades more than she depended on that drug. "I wanted to feel more than I wanted to be numb," is what she said. Which was something I really didn't understand because I couldn't see how she'd want to feel pain. That never made any sense to me. I mean, I was empty too, but the way I brought feeling back was through sex. I relied on that to make me feel. She relied on pain to make her feel. Pleasure is way better than pain. But anyways, she told me that taking that drug was what made her feel safe from the world, safe from her pain, and safe from herself. It was her protection. She said that she felt invincible after taking it. Like she didn't have to be afraid of anything. But she knew it wasn't right for her. Often, she tried to quit, but couldn't. She craved it.