Part 113: Grief

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Amelia threw up on the floor of the Entrance Hall.

She choked out every last bit of her stomach until she was dry heaving. Tears rushed down her face and she could feel remnants of puke in her throat and up her nose. Her arms and legs trembled and felt indescribably delicate. She was a precarious sculpture of glass, held together by sheer will and certain to break at some point.

"Amelia-" Jeremy spoke hurriedly. "Amelia I have to explain. Sapana didn't tell you my side of things. I have to explain-" he said desperately. His eyes panicked and his hands wrung.

"I don't care Jeremy." She mumbled so quiet he didn't hear.

"I've never been good at magic. That's the curse of being a Merlin man. And dad was hurting you and William and mum and I couldn't do anything. Akkedis promised he could get rid of magic. The magic that was killing my family. I had to do it Amelia. I didn't have a choice. I had to save you guys-"

"I don't care." She said but again, he didn't hear her.

"I thought I was doing the right thing. And then when I saw what fanatics they all were, I left! I swear I left as soon as I could and I tried to fix everything. I knew what they were trying to do but I didn't know it would hurt you! I tried tried fix it I swear. I gave you the book so you could learn about Kalishterya and gave you the amethyst so you could fight them on their own territory and I found Al-"

"I don't care!" She screamed. "I don't give a dusty shit about any of that! You are a liar. You helped them! I never want to see your face again."

"Amelia-" he made a motion to go towards her. His heart cracked before her eyes but she didn't care. There was no room in her heart to care.

"Get. Away. From me." Her voice quivered with anger.

"You're my family. You're my only family."

"You should have thought about that before you helped them infiltrate my mind." She quoted Sapana and poured as much venom into her voice as possible. She felt the stones in the castle walls shaking. She could bring down all of Hogwarts if she wanted to.

"I never want to see your face again. If I do, I will kill you." She turned on her heel and left the hall.

Jeremy Merlin stood alone in the Entrance Hall. The only family he had walking away from him, he furiously wiped tears from his eyes and walked out of the hall towards the gates where he had a broomstick waiting to take him back to his house.

Shouts could be heard from the maze as Amelia strode towards it. She was halfway there before she realized she couldn't move another inch. Her feet had grown roots and penetrated the ground. A windstorm wouldn't have shaken her. She was immovable.

Cedric's dead body would be down there by now. They would have come back by now. Unless Harry was dead too.

She couldn't move another inch.

There was nothing down there for her. Nothing but grief. Right now she was hollow and hollowness was better than sadness. As long as she remained this way it wouldn't crush her. She could survive if she didn't go down to the maze.

So Amelia Merlin sat down.

Then she stood back up again. She couldn't just sit there. What was she going to do? Sit there and think about all the terrible things that had just occurred? Make a fucking daisy chain?

No. She had to move forwards. She strode towards the maze, her heart beating against the back of her throat.

Screams could be heard now. Girls crying, boys shouting, professors hollering to their students to shut up. And Amelia's footsteps slapping against the dirt.

Two figures walked towards her. One a hulking beast and the other a scrawny boy. It became clear that it was Mad Eye and Harry. She stopped in her tracks and watched them go by. She and Harry looked at each other but neither of them spoke. Pain rippled across Harry's face while Amelia was stone.

Then the green eyed boy was gone in the darkness and she stood alone once more. The yells coming from the maze were now overwhelming as she staggered towards it. Students piled away from it, like lava from a volcanic eruption. She pushed past them, fighting her way upstream.

Somebody grabbed her and she nearly screamed until she saw who it was.

"Amy-". The boy with the fire kissed hair said. "Amy I'm so sorry, my love."

Her jaw clenched. "He's dead."

"I'm so sorry-" Fred's eyes brimmed with pain.

"He's dead." She repeated. Her breaths started coming short and fast. "He - he's d-d-dead." She sputtered.

"Oh Amy." He whispered and pulled her in.

She thought she could be hollow. A box that didn't hold anything. An empty cup. A glass sculpture held together by sheer will.

But she couldnt. And the will holding her together shattered.

Leaning against him the sadness finally broke open inside her, hollowing out her heart and leaving her bleeding. The tears physically hurt as they piled out and they kept coming and she couldn't breathe because breathing hurt too much and she didn't want to hurt anymore and she wanted it to stop, she needed it to stop but the tears kept coming and she couldn't see anything and all she felt was pain and she didn't want to hurt anymore.

But grief is a monster that doesn't care what anyone wants. So it fed on her misery, her pain.

And all she could do was be consumed by it. There was no room for anything else.

Wave upon wave of utter pain enveloped her so she drowned beneath them.

Amelia had no idea how long they stood there for. Fred with his arms wrapped tightly around her as if he were afraid something might break off, and her with her head against his heart. She listened to the rhythmic beating.

Lub-dub.

Lub-dub.

Cedric Diggory was dead.

And there was nothing more to be done.

Lub-dub.

Lub-dub.

Lub-dub.

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