Do you want to know what's ironic at the moment? As I was writing this, back from a a chapter or two ago, my two aunts walked right by me (this was while I was at work). The demanded me to show them what it was, and so I had to.
They asked, what's that? What's asexual? Are you asexual?
And so I told them.
At first, they were outraged. I live in a homophobic Christian family. They began babbling about crazy stuff I didn't care for such as "you'll find the right guy one day" and "one day you're going to meet and a man and he's going to turn your world around" AND "your feelings will change".
I literally wanted to cry. They weren't supposed to know this, and know they do. They thanked God in hopes that I wasn't gay, lesbian, or bi. I wanted to say that there is more to it than just that, but then I realized they would raise more suspicions on me. So, like always...
I kept my mouth shut.
I wanted to say that I liked girls too, but then they would be disgusted of me and not trust me anymore. I just kept quiet. It's unfair to me. I can't be happy in my own home with who I am. I wanted to speak up so bad, but in fear of my sexuality and my safe havens, I kept my mouth shut. There was nothing I could do.
They said that I can tell them anything, but you know what?
I can't. I really can't.
They wouldn't understand. They WON'T understand. If I told them anything else, bye-bye job. Bye-bye love and support. Bye-bye trust. It would be the end of me.
And so I leave you guys here, hoping you guys have it better. Wanting you to have it better. Some families can be understanding, and others? Well. . .
