Commentaries from other aces on their view of sexual attraction to sex, to other people who would just like to share some things.
You can also do this if you would like to privately DM me for an anonymous statement to share with the aces from questions to stories or anything you would like to share. I'd be happy to give feedback and answer you as quickly as I can.
To begin:
As an asexual: being asexual does not mean I neccesarily Dislike sex (though some do, and that's ok too). At base it just means I don't experience sexual attraction, so I've never thought anyone was 'hot' and I don't care about how attractive actors are. Typically to some extent asexuals also think of sex differently, or at least I do. I come at it from an objective standpoint and just see it as one of a hundred potential ways to spend time, like going to the movie theater or getting a massage. For example, I don't care much about going to the movie theater. But when a friend invites me or there's something even I want to see in theaters out or I know a friend really enjoys it, I can still go to the theater and even enjoy my time there and not regret it at all, not to mention I certainly wouldn't judge someone just for enjoying the theater when I don't )an imperfect analogy due to levels of intimacy).
There are many reasons an asexual may want to have sex. They may want children, enjoy the physical side of it (some asexuals masturbate but don't fantasize about people when they do), have a non ace partner that they compromise with, or have a non ace partner they Want to make feel good in that way (like the example of the person who was going to have sex with her boyfriend for his birthday), benefit from the stress relief, or have one of a number of other motivations.
In the specific case of having sex for a partners benefit, ideally it's not about the partner wanting to do something they know makes you unhappy. A good partner will make sure only do what their partner is ok with, when both of them want to, with appropriate levels of communication and with the happiness of both people in mind. They will understand if something is off limits, they won't guilt trip them for not doing everything, and they'll work with their partner to have a healthy sexual relationship as well as a healthy emotional one. All of that is true regardless of the orientation of either partner. Asexuality can just mean more of that communication is needed, and more understanding. But the respect needed for a good relationship remains consistent. It's less about doing something they dislike and more about making a choice with their partner that weighs various factors (as a note; if someone Does actively dislike sex or refer to themselves as 'sex repulsed' that should also be respected in a relationship and in general). Of course, this doesn't account for the large number of people who feel pressured into sex they don't want, by partners or by society, and in those cases I can only advocate more education and normalization for asexuality.
-Anonymous "free-think-Tink"
I'm an aromantic asexual who has been married for almost 17 years. I don't dislike sex but I am indifferent and could really care less about it. I put it in the same category as making breakfast for him before he goes to work. Left to my own devices I would rather sleep but I know cooking a nice meal for him is going to make his day better and its a good way to express my love for him. That is how I feel about sex.
-Also anonymous
I took a Kinsey scale test when I was like 16 and was questioning my sexuality. I interpreted almost all the questions as hypothetical and got the result that I was bisexual or mostly gay or something.Then when I realized that I was supposed to take the questions literally I got ace.
-Ace Thinks
