The Voices of Ana and Mia (Book 1)

Chapter 17: You are a monster

Dear Diary,

I hate him so much. Ever since Sydney has moved in all hell has broken loose. Brian is a crying mess and an absolute train wreck. He keeps himself awake until one in the morning, until his "daddy" is asleep, then he sneaks into my room and sleeps with me the rest of the night. There is a strict no seeing Elizabeth policy and Brian breaks it every chance he gets. I love him for it but I wish he wouldn't because as soon as he leaves, or is forced out of the house to be away from me, Sydney takes out all his anger on me. I'm not talking about how he calls me stupid, fat, and worthless. I'm talking about the multiple bruises that cover my body and how it kills to walk anymore. I don't know why he hates me other than my mom hates me so he must too. I won't let him lay a finger on Brian ever. If he even looks at Brian a certain way I scream then Brian gets taken away and I get beaten. As soon as my "punishment" is over Brian is allowed back into the house so I can keep an eye on him but I can't protect him from everything. He knows that Sydney beats me. He sees the scars and bruises; he hears when I yelp when he touches me. He knows that he can no longer be held by me. I can't protect him from that monster, that....

"Elizabeth! Get in this room this instant!" I quickly shove my journal under my pillow and sit up in my bed. My body aches so much I want to cry but I pull myself off the bed and make my way down the stairs. I enter the kitchen to see Sydney standing there will a spatula. Nothing is wrong with the spatula and I am confused as to what he wants.

"Did you use this?" His ugly face sneering at me in disgust.

"No, I don't eat" I wasn't lying though. I hadn't eaten a full meal in almost four months.

"I don't eat" He mocked, "You don't eat because you're a selfish fat person who knows what's good for her"

I bit my lip and looked down to keep from saying some rude things to this beast.

"Look at me!" I looked up in time to see a hand collide with my face. I screeched at the harsh contact which only angered him more.

"Shut up! It doesn't hurt you wimp! Just like your pathetic father"

"I hate you" I whispered. I saw a light flicker in his cold green eyes.

"You want to disrespect me now huh?" He rolled his sleeves up to his elbows and I felt my body tense up as I watched him. Why aren't I running?! Before I could even get my legs to connect to my brain I felt a blunt force drive into my stomach. I slumped over in pain as I felt another blow to my head. I fell onto the ground and curled up into a ball. I screamed out in pain as I felt a different object hitting me. He was hitting me with the spatula! I continued to scream as I felt multiple stings on my arms and legs.

"Shut up! Shut up!" He yelled as he continued to beat me. I heard a door slam open and I uncovered my face to see Brian walk in with his mouth wide open.

"Don't hurt my sister!" He yelled as he shoved into Sydney and ran over to me and hugged me.

"She is being punished. Do not interfere!" Sydney growled but he did not hit Brian. I saw my mom walk in with the groceries, place them on the counter, and proceed to put them away. She did not even glance at me or ask if I was okay. I felt my anger burn at her but I did not say anything in fear that Sydney would retaliate.

"Go to your room, I don't want to see you!" I got up and limped towards my room, Brian following behind me.

"Brian, help your mother" Brian looked at me with pain before leaving me and going to help the uncaring witch.

I walked into my room and locked the door before slumping against it and crying. After pushing out any fluid left in my body I crawled over to my bureau and opened the bottom drawer. There stacked perfectly were about 50 candy bars of all types. My comfort food. I opened a pack slowly and put in to my tongue. It tasted so good and before I knew it ten had been eaten. I felt so empty and this food was the best thing that I had tasted in months. I had restricted and restricted and restricted. Ana had been the sole voice in my head for too long and now I was slowly losing control. I had been the master of my life. I controlled what I ate, I controlled who my friends were, I controlled where I went, I controlled my pain and when I decided to feel but now that was ripped from me. I had no control, Ana had lost her control. I continued to shove the candy bars into my mouth not thinking or caring about anything but filling my emptiness. I just wanted to die.

I wiped the vomit that had splattered on my face before shoving my fingers down my throat again. It came out in a chocolate blog as my body shuddered.

You're such a failure Elizabeth, a fat disgusting piece of trash! You are a disgusting fat person!

I felt more tears coming on and before long they were pouring out of my eyes. I have to be thin. I have to be thin! I shoved my fingers down my throat again as my stomach convulsed. I felt like I was ripping to shreds as my body expelled more food. I felt a tremor overtaking my body as the tears continued to flow. I hated being here. Even Brian couldn't keep me happy when every time I moved I felt pain rip through me. I got up and flushed the toilet seriously considering just ending my life now. I looked into the mirror and saw a girl with a narrow face, skinny body covered in bruises looking back at me. Her eyes were lifeless and her hair flowed down to her shoulders in a stringing curtain. What had happened to me?

I filled a cup with water and gulped it down before shoving my fingers back down my throat. All that came out was water and a little bit of red. It must be blood.

Elizabeth. Things might seem bad right now but I can help you. You know I can help you because I have been helping you. I know that you have a lot of problems right now but remember what you said a long time ago; one problem at a time.

Ed. Oh ed, I wish you were real so I could actually talk to you.

Step on the scale. See if you are beautiful yet.

I pulled out the scale and stripped out of everything but my underclothes. I bit my lip as I stepped onto the scale. 105. 105!!! How did I manage to only lose four pounds in a week? It was because of Sydney. Every time he beat me I ate. Oh I'm such a failure. I'm such a fat failure!!!