The Voices of Ana and Mia (Book 1)

Chapter 18: I don't understand...

I blinked my eyes open and almost screamed in pain when I tried to sit up. I stuffed it down though to keep from waking Brian who had climbed in sometime last night. I pushed my aching body out of bed and bent over to kiss Brian's forehead. He wrinkled his nose but did not walk up. I pulled the blanket over him before walking into my bathroom. I pulled out the scale and my weight was 105.3. How did I manage to gain .3 pounds?

Just water fast today and NO binging!

Yes Ana, I whispered. I walked out of the bathroom again and pulled out a long sleeve shirt with the words CUTIE on then and pulled out my size 2 skinny jeans. I wish I was a size zero, I mean why was it so hard to get that small? I looked at the size 0 skinny jeans Kim and I had bought and almost screamed in frustration. Why couldn't I be thin!!! I walked back into the bathroom and pulled off my sweat shirt and stripped from my sweatpants. I could see my ribs sticking out much more now and my hip bones were very prominent. I even had a small thigh gap, but I knew that it still wasn't enough. I was still that fat girl that everyone called me. I had to be thinner; I had to be more beautiful. I had to be perfect. My stomach was caving in a little and it was bruised from when Sydney had punched me. The welts on my arms and legs had weren't as visible as they had been yesterday but I still needed to hid them. I pulled on my clothing and walked back into the room to see Brian sitting up and yawning.

"Hey big guy" I felt a real smile actually coming on my face as I watched his face lighten as he saw me.

"Hey Lizzy" I walked over to him and sat next to him, ignoring the pain I felt everywhere.

"How did you sleep?"

"Bad. I had a dream he killed you and I couldn't save you. I saw the blo...bloo...blo...bl..." He then started crying.

"Shhh...shhh... It's okay baby, it's okay" I pulled him into a tight hug until his tears stopped.

"Promise me that won't happen!"

"I promise I won't let him kill me Brian, I promise"

After a few minutes of sitting there I pushed him out in case Sydney decided to walk into my room. I didn't want Brian to get in trouble nor did I want to be beaten.

I got onto the bus and sat alone as usual. Michelle sat with some girl from her science class now and never talked to me anymore. I caught her staring at me several times but I ignored her. I got off the bus and rushed to my first class, refusing to look at anyone. Lunchtime rolled around and for some reason I ended up in the lunchroom. Since I was fasting today I pulled out my biology book instead of eating. As I was reading about the difference between chloroplasts and mitochondria I saw a movement in the side of my eye. I looked up to see Andrew and his football posse sitting across from me. I rolled my eyes and went back to reading before the book was snatched from my eyes.

"Hey!" I yelled trying to get the book back. Andrew simply laughed and waved it in front of my face.

"Why aren't you eating anorexic freak?" Anorexic freak, what?

"I'm not anorexic"

"Then why aren't you eating?"

"I'm not hungry. Give me back my book"

"James, doesn't she look like a freakish skeleton?" He said tossing the book to James.

"Yep, straight out of a horror story" I jumped on top of James and grabbed my book from James.

"Hey where's that other skeleton freak that you usually sit with?" Michael, part of Andrew's posse, asked me.

"None of your frickin' business, that's where"