The Voices of Ana and Mia (Book 1)

Chapter 19: She's right. I do hate her

Oomph! I felt the wind knocked out of me as I tried to gain conscious. Everything was extremely foggy but I was aware that I was getting kicked. A food collided with my already bruised stomach which caused me to scream in pain.

"STOP! STOP! DON'T HURT MY SISTER!" I could hear Brian's anguished cries but I couldn't get to him. I got on my knees and started to crawl over to him. A foot stomped on my back and I crashed to the floor screaming in pain. Brian was screaming at the top of his lungs which mixed with my screaming. He kicked my fallen body again and I felt myself crash into the wall. Upon impact I saw stars dancing across my already foggy vision. He picked me up by my hair until I was dangling in front of him. Tears streamed down my face as the weight of my body was held by my hair.

"You disgusting piece of crap!" He yelled into my face. I could smell the liquor on his breath and was terrified at it because he was always the most violent when drunk. He looked at me with such pure hatred that I felt myself trying to shrink away from him even thought I was dangling. He dropped me and I landed hard on my knees. He kicked me in the face which sent me crashing back into the wall. I heard a crack as his foot connected and blood spurted out of my nose and mouth. I spit out the blood onto the floor which only made him angrier. I closed my eyes as I saw him raise hit foot again before I felt myself black out. The last thing I heard was Brian's pitiful screaming.

I awoke again to find myself in my bed. Not nicely laid or anything, just simply tossed there like trash. I proceeded to get up only I have to bit my lip to keep from screaming in pain. My chest was on fire and I guessed that I had broken a rib or two. My face felt puffy and my nose was definitely broken. How long had I been out?

The house was silent so I opened my door and walked out to see who was home. Every step was a lighting bolt of pain to my ribs but I gritted my teeth and kept walking. I walked into the kitchen to see my mom sitting their two empty bottles of liquor next to her.

"What are you doing here?" She looked up at me, a glare plastering her face. I did not respond, I had made the decision to never talk to her again after Sydney moved in.

"You're going to be self-righteous by not answering me too huh? Well you're lucky that Syndey isn't here to beat you for your disrespect"

When I still didn't answer she looked at me in question before pulling another beer out of the refrigerator and sitting down. Realizing my body was aching to much to stand I found myself sitting at the table with her. Not because I wanted to talk to her, I hated her now.

"You're a strange child you know that? I've known that since you were three. You know what you used to do. You used to run around the house in your underwear. I used to get so mad about it you know; because little girls aren't supposed to run around the house half-naked. Except you still did, no matter how much I'd punish you, you still did. I asked you why you did it one time and you know what you said? You said that sometimes you have to do crazy things in order for people to notice you. You were four when you said that and you scared the crap out of me. Four year olds aren't supposed to have that type of wisdom, but you did. I found out later why you would do it. You wanted me to stop being so focused in work and play with you. You realized the only time you ever got my attention was when you were misbehaving. You were such a strange child"

I didn't remember anything that she was talking about. It was probably because I had blocked out everything that had happened before Sydney walked into our lives.

"You ruined my life you know. I knew that you had seen me that day long before you told me. I knew that you had told your daddy. You want to know how I knew? Because I saw you creep into the kitchen with that stupid little box your dad had made you. I'm guessing that you were going to steal some cookies. You were a pig you know. Always eating. Always always eating. I never understood it, why you ate and ate, but I never tried to stop you because I wanted you to have the happiest life. I didn't want you to end up like me. Anyway, I saw you that day and I almost chased after you but I knew it wouldn't have made a difference. We had been seeing each other for about a year that day, the day you walked in on us. You took away everything from me. I thought you did it because you wanted my attention. You always did bad things when you wanted my attention. You were just so strange. I wanted to understand you but I couldn't"

My mother had never been this honest with me and it was scaring me.

"I didn't want you to turn out like me. I've been watching you you know. Getting smaller and smaller. You're starving yourself. You want to know how I know you are sick? I was anorexic too. I just wanted to fit in so badly with the cool kids. I wanted my dad to say that he loved me. I hated my mom though, I never once cared about how she felt. When she sent me to a clinic I swore her off for life. So naturally because we are so alike I know that you hate me. Don't you?"

When I didn't answer she laughed and continued on.

" I know you hate me. It's just the way life works. Because I hated my mom, you will hate your mom, and your daughter will hate you. I was considering sending you to a clinic but I didn't want to be like my mom. She cheated on my dad with some teacher from som where, that was before I became anorexic. I thought my dad was perfect and I hated her for hurting him. He stopped saying I love you, he became very withdrawn from everything, he stopped noticing his little girl. It was all her fault too. And because history has a way of repeating itself I cheated on your dad. I know how much you loved your father. He was your hero. You loved him, but not me. You never loved me. I thought I had done everything right. I didn't want to be like my mother but somewhere I messed up. Then I found myself watching Sydney hit you and I had to make the decision. Did I want to live with a daughter who hated me or a man who loved me? So I didn't do anything about it. I regret it but now it's too late. You'll be gone tomorrow morning and I will have Sydney to love me. Life is cruel you know. When you have to choose between your child and the man you loved. You should be happy that I'm doing what you want. I sending you to your father, the man you love. He used to hit me around so much and I saw you watching, but you never did anything. You who had the power to sway him your way never did anything. You liked watching me be beat didn't you? Because you hated me. Now the table has turned and I watch you. It feels like crap doesn't it? But what does it matter? You'll be gone tomorrow anyway. I'll never understand you, because you're such a strange child"

When she stopped talking for about five minutes I got up and walked out. I laid on my bed and cried. Cried about my father leaving me, cried about Sydney coming. Cried about Brian and how he would fare. Cried about all my friends, and my lost life. Cried about my weight. I just cried and cried and cried. She was right too; I did hate her.