The Voices of Ana and Mia (Book 1)

Chapter 31: The Voice of Ana and Mia (Final Chapter)

A clinic? Really? After this whole long journey you and I have gone through you want to go to a clinic? What about me? I helped you to lose weight! I helped you to get to where you wanted to go and now you just want to get rid of me? I MADE YOU INTO EVERYTHING YOU ARE NOW AND YOU JUST WANT TO BANISH ME! You such a selfish girl! Selfish selfish selfish!

I threw a couple more clothes in my suitcase and slumped onto the ground in a fit of tears. I couldn't do this! I had decided that I would go to the clinic so I could get better. I naively thought that once I made the hardest decision of my life things would start to get better. The voices were ringing louder than ever in my head now. I was tempted to unpack my suitcase just so the voices would quiet but I knew that it would not vanquish them for good. I had invited them into my head and now it would be hell to pay just to get them out.

YOU

It was going to be okay I kept whispering to myself as I packed the rest of my clothes. It had to be okay because if it didn't get better I knew that Ed would kill me. He would kill me.

CAN

I pulled the suitcase off my bed and dragged it downstairs to the door. I wasn't leaving today but if I had my clothes and stuff down there already it would be harder to turn away. I couldn't turn away this time.

NEVER

This past year and a half had been solely dedicated to losing weight in order to control some part of my life. I thought that I was making the right decision by trying to lose weight. I thought that people would like me more. Maybe my mom would finally drop the grudge she had against me if I looked more appealing. Maybe my dad would finally be proud of me because I didn't let myself look like a disgrace. Maybe the bullies would stop teasing me about my weight. Maybe someone would actually love me.

GET

What I had gotten this year was an uncle who despised me for what reason, I do not know. I had a mother who would rather watch me get beaten to death then lose the man that loved her. I lost the one person that meant the world to me to a grudge battle and gained the most wonderful supportive boyfriend that a girl could have. I had a dad who didn't understand my illness but wanted to help me get rid of it. I had the never ending voices of hatred ringing in my ear.

RID

I didn't think my life would ever get this way. I was fifteen years old. My sixteenth birthday would be spent in an eating disorder clinic instead of with my prior best friends Michelle and Christi. Its crazy how much can change in so little time.

OF

I miss the good days of when I was carefree. In all honesty I was never carefree though. I was my parent's love child. I wasn't supposed to come as early as I did. I wasn't planned. I destroyed my parents marriage but what I saw. I was hated by my mother at such an early age and saw my father at his lowest alcoholic stages. I guess I was never carefree. I was a time bomb. I feel like I should have been suicidal instead of anorexic. If I was dead I would have never had to deal with the issues that have plagued me for the last nine years. I should have died nine years ago. I should have died.

ME

I plopped my way back up the stairs and walked into my bathroom, my sanctuary. The one place I knew that I was doing it right. I kneeled down and reached into the cabinet under my sink and pulled out my scale. I didn't step on it because I knew that that would unhinge all the motivation I had at the moment. I carried it down the stairs and to the garage. I placed it on the ground and walked into the garage searching for it. I spotted it and carried it outside along with the scale. It was heavy and I was weak but I was determined.