The Voices of Ana and Mia (Book 1)

Chapter 25: Therapy

Sick of hearing the crap come from your lips

I'm going under, drowning deep

You wish I would go back to the way I was

But I'm loving the feeling of water in my lungs

Bye bye. I'm in love with the monster I've become

I scribbled the lyrics in my notebook before shutting it forcefully and flinging it across my room. I picked up my pillow and flung it at the wall as well. I opened my mouth and let out a scream, filled with pain, and hurt, and confusion. I slumped on the ground in defeat, I just couldn't win. I knew I had to eat in order for my dad to not send me to a clinic. I knew I couldn't eat in order to see Brian again and my emotions were torn. I needed to see Brian and I needed to not go to a clinic. It just wasn't fair! Why did everyone have to butt their heads where they didn't belong? It wasn't their business how much I weighed or what I ate.

Just purge

The thought had crossed my mind but as every person knows. You don't purge out all the calories that you ate. I needed to not be at the risk of gaining any weight at all. I can't gain weight though. I just can't.

February 3rd, 2014. Weight: unknown. Last known weight: 114. Calorie intake: 0

Dear Diary,

So yeah, I'm at my dad's house. I made him cry yesterday night at dinner but it wasn't totally my fault. It's his fault I am where I am today. Today I am in the car on my way to group therapy which is a mandatory if I don't want to end up in a clinic. Kevin is here too, I'm not really sure why though. Looks like I'm here. Bye.

We got out of the car and went into the building where our therapy would be held. I guess we were late because everyone was in a circle listening to the man and when we walked in the all just stared at us.

"Welcome in Elizabeth and Kevin. It's nice to meet you. I'm William Shaner and I'm the counselor of this group"

We shook hands with the tall thin man with red hair and classes and took a seat in the circle.

"So before we start, why don't we all go around and tell each other our names and why we are here. I know a lot of you probably are cringing at the sound of that but once we are open and honest with one another we can start to heal with each other. Andrew why don't you go first"

I looked up at the boy he was talking about and my blood froze. It was Andrew Walker, the boy who managed to make my life a living hell. What was he doing here?!

"My name is Andrew and I'm here because I failed my suicide attempt. My mom is forcing me to go"

Wait? Did Andrew just say he tried to kill himself? Why? He's the popular jock, the one everyone loves. Why would he of all people try to kill himself.

"My name is Kevin and I'm here because I am a recovering drug addict. A good friend of mine brought me here."

I turned quickly and stared hard at Kevin. A drug addict? But he was Mr. Goody-two-shoes. He didn't fit the profile of a drug addict. He looked back and mouthed Your Turn to me. I looked around and realized I had missed about half the group thinking about Andrew.

"My name is Elizabeth and I'm here because I am anorexic with bulimic tendencies. I'm here because my dad said it's either here or an eating disorder clinic"

I saw Andrew looking at me and there were tears in his eyes. What? Was he sorry now because he knew what it felt to be hopeless? I am not sorry that he is suffering at all.