The Voices of Ana and Mia (Book 1)

Chapter 24: I would do anything for you

"Brian called!!! What?! When?! Why didn't you tell me earlier?!" I felt rage burning in me. I wanted to talk to Brian so badly! Why didn't they tell me?

"You were in the hospital. They had sedated you after tried to rip out your feeding tubes, then he called"

"W...W...What?" It was fully registering. I don't remember trying to pull out any feeding tube.

"I can give you the number if you want" I rush down the stairs and grabbed the phone out of my dad's hand. Kevin was looking at me weirdly but I ignored it. All I could think of was Brian.

I scrolled through the numbers until a random one with no name popped up. I started to call it.

*ring* *ring*

"Hello?" A gruff voice said. I recognized it instantly as Sydney and I felt a wave of fear trickle down my spine.

"Um... I want to talk to Brian"

"Who's this?" I swallowed deeply, a ball seemed lodged in my throat.

"El...Elizabeth"

"Hello?" I heard static on the other end and almost screamed when I realized he'd hung up. My dad looked at me with pain and opened up his arms. I walked into them and tried to keep the tears from falling. Man, ever since I had started to diet I was so much more emotional.

"It's okay baby, you'll see him soon"

No you won't you fat piece of trash. You won't see him until you are perfect and 114 pounds is far from perfect. Excuse me but I think I hear the scale calling you.

I wiped the tears from my face and unlatched myself from my father's embrace.

"Who's Brian, you're boyfriend?" I looked over at Kevin and glared.

"Jealous much?"

"I'm not jealous just wondering" Wondering my foot. The look on his face showed anger, curiosity, and strangely pity. Why was he so nosy!

"Well it's none of your business" I turned on my heel and walked up the stairs. With these added few pounds I didn't feel weak anymore which a bad thing, a very bad thing was. One must be weak before they are strong. I walked into my new room and viewed my suitcase which was still packed. Ignoring it I walked into my own private bathroom and prayed that there was a scale. To my utter disappointment there wasn't one. This was not a good thing! How was I to know how much I weighed? What if I got fatter? The only way that I would know that I wouldn't gain weight was if I didn't eat anything at all and that idea was out the window. I then realized I was breathing heavily and urged myself to slow down. I just need to relax. How about I start unpacking, that way I'm moving (burning calories) and I can get something done. I unpacked everything I had in the bags and then sat on the floor and did some sit-ups. My heart started to beat so fast that it hurt and I was winded going into my seventh one. I just didn't have energy anymore and that scared me. Not because I was sick, because I knew I was, but it meant that if I couldn't exercise I would begin to gain more weight. Sighing in defeat I laid on my made bed and closed my eyes. I would get perfect soon.

I felt someone shaking my shoulder and I opened my eyes to be greeted by my dad.

"Wake up sleepy head, it's supper time." I winched when he said supper and he must have seen the panicked look in my eyes because he grabbed my hand.

"It's okay Lizzy babe" I sighed deeply and got out of bed. I walked down with him and he still held onto my hand. As soon as I reached the bottom of the stairs my nose was assaulted with the aromas of chicken broccoli casserole, a family recipe. I froze at the bottom of the stairs and wouldn't budge as he tried to tug me to the table.

"Elizabeth" he said sternly, "It's either this or a clinic"

"Can't we have something healthier? Like nothing?"

"Nothing is not healthy Liz, now come on"

I took all the energy in me to force myself to sit at the empty table. I glared at the empty plate in front of me. This was stupid, I couldn't eat if I ever wanted to see Brian again but my dad was insistent that the poison enter my mouth. He heaped an overly large spoon of the casserole on my plate and I almost threw up when the aroma hit my nose full force. It had been so long since I had eaten a real meal and I couldn't bring myself to do it. This food will poison me and make me fat. My dad started praying but I could not focus on anything but the food in front of me.

You BETTER not be eating that fatty!

Don't worry you can just puke it up later!

Do you want to see Brian again?

Think of all the calories...1000, 2000, maybe 3000.

DO NOT TOUCH THE FORK!

I got you covered eat what you want

You will never be skinny if you even consider eating that.

SO HELP ME YOU BETTER NOT TOUCH THAT FORK

Why are you freaking out? I can help you.

Even the thought of food is going to add calories to you. Don't smell the food, the calories will sneak into your nose and add fat to you.

"ELIZABETH"

"What!" I looked up scared at my dad shouting my name. He looked panicked. I looked down and my hand and realized I had squeezed the tip of my fork so hard that I had started to bleed a little. I dropped the fork immediately and stuck my bloodied hand in my mouth.

"Are you okay?"

I let out a little laugh and then took my hand out of my mouth.

"Am I okay? Really? I'm looking at Satan's food which you expect me to eat. It's too fatting. I can't eat this"

"Elizabeth. You are severely underweight! You are killing yourself! Food is not a bad thing. The voices that tell you food is bad are the evil thing. It is Satan telling you that you are fat! Food is not satan"

"You told me I was fat. Does that make you Satan? Or does that make it true" My dad's shoulders slumped and he sucked in a breath. He closed his eyes and rested his hands on the table. Then his body started to shake. I realized he was crying.

"I was so wrong Elizabeth" He said between sobs. I wanted to feel sad for him. I wanted to hug him and take away the pain but I found myself hardened towards him. I know I told Brian I would try but I found I couldn't. I had been called fat by classmates my whole life and I didn't really bother me but when the person I loved, my father, said I was fat that was when I lost it. I would have never gotten into the insane diet. I would have never stopped being friends with Michelle; I would have never be-friended Kim. I would have never lost Brian. I would not want to die as much as I did now. It was all his fault that I was sitting here refusing to eat. All because he said I was fat.

"I'm not eating." I shoved the plate away from me and walked up to my room. Would I ever be normal again? I'm sorry Brian but losing weight is more important to me then rebuilding relationships. I'd rather die than be fat. Except for Brian. I would do anything for Brian. Even if it meant weighing a million pounds or dying to be thin to be with him. I would do anything for him.