Since We Were 18 ⭐Nouis⭐

Chapter 21

Connor's POV:

I pulled myself from my bed and rubbed my eyes. They were sore from crying so much the night before. I grabbed clean clothes from my bag and went over to the bathroom. I washed up as quickly as possible and put my clean clothes on. I smiled at the warmth they brought and brushed my teeth.

I got a sinking feeling in my stomach and a need for a cigarette. I shook my head at the thought. Even though its been about three months since Niall found out and has tried to help me stop there are still days when I sneak one and today is one of the days that I just need it. I shook my head again and towel dried my hair before attempting to style it. Any type of look just wouldn't work today because my hair had decided to do its own thing.

"Fuck it." I muttered and threw the gel.

"I'll just look like shit today." I walked out of the bathroom and stomped to my bedroom. I threw my dirty clothes down and looked around. I shared with Tate, Troye and Brady who were all still sleeping since it was five in the morning. I turned on my heel and walked out. I went to the room that Niall was staying in and opened the door. He was laying down fast asleep so I quietly closed the door.

I went back to my room and grabbed a hoodie and shoes before heading over to where Zayn and Perrie were at. I made my way into the room as quietly as possible since they were asleep. It was cute to look at them cuddled together but I was focused on finding his cigarettes right now. I slid open the drawer next to their bed and found them in there.

I snuck one out before leaving them to sleep. I already had my own lighter that Niall never thought about taking. I made my way outside and walked a few steps away from the house. I then put it between my lips and lit it.

I signed as I thought about how much I hurt myself every time I do this. But I didn't care as I continued to breathe it in.

"I thought you stopped." I turned around and saw Troye watching me. I shrugged and moved some snow with my feet.

"No one can ever really stop." He sucked in a breath as he walked over to me. When he was close enough that  he could hold his hand out and touch me he stopped. Following that action he extended his hand out to me.

"Can I try?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Why do you want to try it?"

"Because I want to see what it feels like." I shook my head and inhaled again.

"I'm not going to let you start something so dangerous."

"Then why should I let you continue to do it?" I shook my head at him and leaned down using the snow to put it out.

"Because no one gives a shit about me." I pushed past him and began to walk towards the house. I just couldn't deal with being around him right now. All I wanted to do was confess my feelings to him and kiss his lips. But I can't. He has a boyfriend.

"I care." I turned around and looked at him.

"Troye."

"No Connor. I care about you. I care about you so much and every time you tell me that you smoked again or that you cut again it breaks me. It breaks me because I don't want to lose you." I watched him as he looked anywhere but towards me.

"You don't need me. You have Brady." Troye looked at me and let out a fake laugh.

"Please, I don't like him that much. We are only together to make our friends happy." I walked towards him with my eyebrows scrunched together.

"Then why are you even with him? You shouldn't live to please other people."

"Then what are you doing?" I looked down.

"I don't know yet. But I'll figure it out."

"Connor please try to stop."

"I have. I've tried so many times but I don't have any reason to."

"Niall and your siblings."

"Niall could do with not having to look after another person. And my siblings would survive without me."

"Then try for me."

"That won't work." He walked closer to me to the point that I could feel his breath on my face.

"Why not?" I shrugged and looked right at him as butterflies began to over take my stomach.

"Because you would be fine without me around too."

"No I wouldn't Connor." He sighed and put his hands on his head, pressing on his temples.

"Connor Horan. I-" he cut himself off.

"What?" I asked.

"Close your eyes." I scrunched my nose up.

"What?"

"Just close your eyes." I looked at his face to see that he was in fact serious.

"Okay." I closed them.

"Keep them closed." He whispered. I heard an intake of breath before small hands wrapped around my face holding me in place with a pair of soft lips meeting mine.

I was shocked for a moment but immediately put my arms around him and pulled Troye closer to me. He continued kissing me while licking my lip. I opened my mouth and let him roam around until we were both out of breath. We pulled away and put about two inches between us. Troye still had his hands on my face and my arms around his waist.

"Please try for me." He whispered with wetness forming around his eyes. I nodded, pulling him into me again. It felt like magic knowing that in this moment Troye was all mine. I smirked into the kiss when I wouldn't let him in again.

"Dammit Connor." He muttered and pulled away to kiss from my ear down my jaw.

"Troye." I reached up and grabbed his hand.

"I like you. A lot. But this is wrong you have a boyfriend already" He sighed heavily.

"Oh Yea. I'll break up with him"

"What about your friends?" He shrugged while smirking.

"I don't live my life to please them." I smiled down at this beautiful human.

"So when are you going to do it?" He bit his lip and looked back at my lips.

"I don't know. It'll have to be after we go back sometime because if I do it now he's stuck with us until the 26th." I nodded.

"Okay and stop biting your lip." I leaned down and pecked his lips quickly. For being about two years older than me he was really short.

When we pulled away all I could do was smile at him.

"How long have you liked me?" Troye shrugged.

"Since you were adopted." I looked over at him.

"And you didn't say anything?" He smiled at me.

"Sorry?" I took his hand in mine to kiss it quickly before letting it fall since he was with someone else right now.

"I'm going to try for you, Troye." He nodded.

"I know. Thank you."

Word Count: 1204