Can I Continue...

He is gone

It was about 5 minuets later that the man in black finally regained composure and walked back up to the stand. "Can Lucy please come up for her speech?"

I froze for a second, totally forgetting this. I deeply exhaled and stood up shakily, grabbing my cruches with one hand and using my dad's hand to pull me along. My knee length black dress swished around my knees as the white butterflies printed on it danced in the gentle breeze. I looked back at Joe who gave me a reassuring smile before I began hobbling towards the front. There was a deafening silence broken only by the sound my cruches made as the crunched loudly on the stone path leading up to the platform.

Slowly I climbed the stairs. "Woah girl, slow down speedo, you'll get a speeding ticket!" Some random girl shouted from towards the back. My cheeks flamed as the barrier of sound was broken and whispers travelled across the light winds. Not many people had known I was talking today.

Finally I reached the platform and the mic stand. I cleared my throat and everyone stopped talking. All eyes were on me.

"I met Cameron when we were both born, we used to play together. I grew up always around him and our friends, mainly boys, who taught me all the valuable life lessons I needed. When I found Joe, at first they hated each other,  but on my request, got to know each other and became close friends. And so we all grew up together, a tight nit friend group. I didn't have a lot of friends, I've never felt the need; I just had them.

"But then it changed. And i fell for him. Hard. I think it helped I had always known him, his charming ways, his flirtatious attitude. But I fell anyway. And so I became victim to one of the meanest emotions known - heartbreak. I used to sit there with him and Joe while they talked about their most recent girls. And we weren't even 13."

"And so we continued. The three musketeers, the troublemakers, the golden trio," my friends and fellow nerds laughed slightly at my references, " we laughed, played and caused mischief together. And then the hell hole we call high school arrived."

"I remember that day, clear as anything. Cam walked round to pick us up and we set off. We walked and talked, eventually reaching the bus. Pilling on, we found some seats. Cam sat in front, with me and Joe behind. And then a girl came and asked to  sit next to Cam, and he said yes. He was oblivious to his stunning good looks, they both were," a faint blush speady across my cheeks as Joe stared at me openly, "and they warmed up really quickly. We sticked conversation with the guys behind us, and suddenly the group went from three to five. I didn't mind though, they were great friends. Friends who didn't care how I was treated."

"But really it was Cam who brought out the best in us. But he didn't always hang with us; there were a lot of other girls too. And I was always the back end, the advisor. And soon Joe started too. No one else, just them two. Girls would run to them, only to run away devistated days later. I thought Dan getting a girl would change it, but they didn't. While my two best friends chipped away at my heart, blossoming love bloomed around us, painfully drawing me back to my heartache. But I dealt with it alone. Just like the bullies."

"And then it stopped. And Cam asked me out. I didn't know why, I still don't; all I remember is thinking how lucky I was. So I guess that would be when my bulling reached its peak, but then that died down too." Tears blurred my vision but I blinked them back.

"But then, when the baby was announced everyone changed. It was one of the greatest days of my life. It was as if I was getting a new sibling too. I remember that day clearly, and the one about two months later. Being told she wouldn't come was awful. Cam went from changing his ways to blocking everyone out. So Sam filled his gap. And the family was damaged beyond repair."

"It was like my own family had split, they meant so much to me and half the family just left. Cam stopped talking to me, even using his best friend to dump me, and backed off from the face of the earth days later. And so the darkness prevailed once again, dragging me to a dark place. And years later, I met him again."

"But he was so totally different I barley remembered who he once was. I said I would never trust him again, but I did, and I fell again. And he was just taking me somewhere when it happened." My voice thickened, tears spilling out my eyes despite my attempts to prevent them doing so.

"And he tried so hard to stay with us, I know he did," I was holding back sobs by this point, tears streaming down my face, "and I asked him to stay, I really did. I didn't want him to waste any words on me, let alone his last. I didn't want him in hospital at all, it should have been and as clishé and dumb it sounds, he's.... he's in a better place now."

Someone's arms knocked my good knee and I fell into arms, bridal style as another walked behind us. A small group followed us as we left the area of whispering people. I was gently set down on a patch of grass where I heard shuffling.

I looked up, expecting to see Joe, instead seeing a blurry tuft of black hair.

"Sam?" I asked tentatively, hating how my voice broke.

"Yeah?" He made it sound like a question, almost like he was worried about my reaction. Tearing up again, I saw Sam's slight smile fall into a frown.

"The others are here too Lucy, it's not just us. You're not alone anymore, you told us." And the reality hit, and I sobbed harder. His arms snaked around my waist as he comforted me, my forehead resting on his shirt, tears soaking part of his shirt. My hair was damp, and I noticed he was crying too.

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A/N- So this chapter and most of the ones following are edited by one of my best friends bethleeh, how has saved me from so much bad writing. I thank her a lot, this chapter is dedicated to you. Go read her marvelousness book, 'in the end'.

And now is apologises time, where I write a shit reason as an excuse as to why I haven't updated in a looonnngggg time. But there is none so that won't happen today. Truth be told, school was really buzy, and I totally forgot to update for you guys so once again I'm going to do a double update. Half term time means I will also post on Friday.

Again, I'm really sorry, I love you guys and galls all sooooooooooooo much xx

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