Can I Continue...

Parental Figures

Joe's PoV

I know I was a jerk. A huge one at that. What happened was totally unacceptable and I just ran. It's what I've been doing lately.

I can still see the tears when I close my eyelids, the tracks on her beautiful face as they casaded down her cheeks while they clamped shut.

I knew what I did wrong, and yet I couldn't justify my actions.

Days went by and no word from her. Although our friends had tried to get us all outside together in celebration of her release from hospital, I'd said I was ill.

It wasn't totally lying - my face seemed hallow, and my cheekbones were more prominent. It didn't help anything that I was coming down with flu symptoms. I couldn't work out if it was all linked.

I sat on my bed, burrito rolled into my duvet, doing math homework. Math sucked, but I needed the grade for football. Or not anymore I guess.

Thinking about how much life had changed cause my pencil to stop and hover over the next algebraic quadratic equation. Despite my better judgement, I put the homework aside and got out my phone.

I loaded up the gallery, looking back to the very start of this phone's picture life. As suspected, the first one was of Lucy. It was one of the stupid ones, where you know there is a camera and do a pose anyway. She looked directly at the camera, sending chills down my spine.

I remembered this day. This was the day she got on a scale for the first time after all the bulling. Although she was incredibly nervous, I'd asked her to step up. For me.

The photo was taken at two thirty tree according to my phone, and I remember telling Lucy about the waiting chocolate. I don't know why it seemed to help, but she took up my challenge.

And didn't eat properly for weeks after.

Lucy's eating disorders continued to remain present throughout my photos, the state of her body varying depending on the date.

Weeks became years within the photos and I found one I had been waiting for. It was one taken before a night out, and she was in her skin tight, knee length dress with small heels. Her face only held the slightest of neutral makeup that brought out the colours in her eyes. No stupid poses, she looked at the screen with a complexity hidden in her eyes.

It was taken off of her Facebook page, but I suggested she took one so it seemed okay. What really stood out however was the swallow complexion she had, masked by the small amount of foundation she used.

Barely there. So slim, yet so beautiful. She's always been beautiful, but I hated this time; the time where she couldn't eat anything but the green smoothies she made.

I tried one once - spinach, asparagus, banana and low fat yogurt that scrunched up her delicate face, crinkling her nose. She drank it anyway.

We didn't go to the ice cream shop for months, and she didn't leave either of our houses for ages, climbing or being passed over the garden fence so no one would see her during the summer holidays.

Sadness caused my eyes to close, trying to block out the pain. Something slivered down my face, and I wiped it away hastily.

My phone, discarded on the side, suddenly made me angry. It was easier to deal with then the blinding pain, though my vision was red and fuzzy round the edges.

Without thinking, I turned the phone off and chucked it ruthlessly across the room. The screen was not damaged in any way, miraculously, and yet that seemed to fuel my anger. Yanking open a draw, I hastily pulled on a pair of Adidas sport shorts, impaciently srugged on a tshirt, and quickly knotted my trainers onto my feet before sprinting down the stairs.

I wasn't quite sure where I would go, but I needed to get out. With barely a "bye mum" I was out the door, flying down the steps of the patio and beginning a heavy sprint to the park.

My lungs brunt from the immediate and definate difference of the late afternoon air that was crisp and clean. Times like this you can really value where we live but as I sped down the street, I gave no second thought to my surroundings and continued pounding down the street.

With little in the way of company, my trainers slapping against the asphalt was one of the only noises I could distinguish.

A bird chirped over my head. It drove me further when I looked up and saw the tip of a blue wing.

The pounding in my head matched the pounding of my feet on the pavement as I began the incline in the park. I slowed down until I was almost walking but when I reached the bench, it was empty.

I don't know what I expected, maybe for lucy to be there with open arms, no wheelchair or something. Her wheelchair's tire tracks were still there, along with a scuffle on the dirt part by the bench. It looked like someone had tried to get the chair to move sideways, closer to the bench.

Regret washed through me, weighing my body down as I turned around. Preparing to run home was too much - I slouched on the bench as fatigue drained my system. My eyes were drooping as a raindrop fell from the sky and landed on my nose.

As it gradually started to spit, I walked dejectedly down the steep hill. Having just ran for a while, my muscles ached and I wanted to stop.

I took a shorter way back, crudely forgetting it went past Sam's, Dan's and Lucy's homes, which was the reason why I didn't go this way earlier, even through my mindless running.

Passing Dan's place, I walked even slower then what I was already doing - a snails pace - and looked through the window that looked into the lounge. A spacious area that was partially shielded by the sofa that back against the window.

I felt like a stalker, but I needed to talk to someone. Unfortunately, as I looked through the large window, I saw the unmistakably messy hair that belonged to Dan, and another, slightly shorter head of hair that was curled elaborately into a messy bun on the top of Sapph's head.

As much as I enjoy their company, and crave someone to talk to, I'm not going to be a third wheel. I ran on towards Sam's house, hoping he would forgive me.

Walking up his drive, the large house loomed ahead of me. I rung the doorbell, a short ping rebounding through the house and making me cringe. I forgot how big the house was, with all of downstairs being an open floor plan apart from the downstairs bathroom and one bedroom.

So it should have supprised me when a tinkling soprano joined the bass voice of Sam in sayin "coming!", before they giggled and headed towards the door.

My blood ran cold as a smiling lucy opened the door, sat upright in her chair, as happy as can be.

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A/N I'm sorry, this is again, really late, but I have good news. Those people who know me in real life know that I'm days away from moving with my family - it's not far, but it's a big part of my life and consuming a large part of my stamina and time at the moment. In saying that, I'm trying very hard to get thus story finished and avoid disappointing you all.

This chapter is dedicated to lilac_antelope23 for being an amazing friend when times are trying. Also, I apologise to her for not doing what she asked of me within this story in the means of Joe's relationship with Lucy.

Only five more chapters to go guys, there will be no sequel but hopefully some bonus chapters and an epilogue.

Love you guys so so much,

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L xxx