Finding Yourself

chapter 34

"Can we go for a walk?" I asked Harry when we finished dinner.

"Now? Are you alright?"

"Yeah." I giggled.

He brushed some hair away from my face and smiled. "C'mon then."

We stepped out into the cool air and I inhaled deeply, as if it was cleansing me.

"Where shall we go?" Harry asked when we got to the end of the road.

"This way." I said pointing to the left.

"Where are we walking to?"

"I don't know. I like walking at night. I used to walk at night all the time but I haven't for a while." I shrugged.

"You walked at night alone?" Harry sounded horrified.

"Yeah." I laughed. "It's quite peaceful actually."

"Jesus, you could get killed!"

I shook my head and smiled. "You sound like Zayn."

The thought of Zayn made me frown. I missed him so much. Would he of helped me though all this baby shit or would he have just killed me and Harry? I didn't really want to find out.

"Do you have a job Harry?"

He chuckled. "Uh, not really. Why?"

"Just wondering. You always have money, you've got a car and a house yet I've never heard you talk about work or anything." I laughed.

"My dad was the owner of a big publishing company, he was loaded, literally. When I was 16 he died and left all his money to me. I haven't got any brothers or sisters and he never got a new girlfriend after him and my mum split up. It was just me and him so I got everything. He left me in charge of his company but I don't really have to anything, just check round every month or so to make sure everything is how it should be." He shrugged. "My car isn't much compared to the money I have and it doesn't cost me much to live either because all the house bills are split between me, Niall and Louis. I'm pretty much set for life so I don't need a job."

"Woah, you never mentioned you're dad died." I said gripping his hand tighter.

"Because I didn't want you feeling sorry for me." He laughed.

We walked down loads of little roads and finally found ourselves in town. We grabbed a coffee and then headed back towards Harrys house.

"Hey Melanie?" A voice called as we left the coffee shop.

I turned around to see Chelsea strolling towards us. Harrys body tensed and I sighed heavily.

"Fuck off Chelsea." I growled. "Can't you leave us alone for 5 fucking minutes."

"You dropped this today." She smirked.

She handed me a piece of white paper that was folded in half. I opened it and the top of the paper said 'After Care of Abortion.'

The colour drained from my face and I screwed up the paper.

"Where did you get this?" I hissed.

"I saw you in the medical centre car park and it fell out of your bag. I figured you might need it." She smirked again.

"You was at the medical centre Melanie?!" Harry asked with confusion and worry spread across his face.

"Uh yeah but it was nothing." I shot a glare at Chelsea and tugged at Harrys arm.

"Harry." She called.

He turned around, despite my efforts to pull him away.

"Use this next time yeah?" She grinned waving a condom infront of his face.

"What are you talking about?" Harrys tone was low and fierce.

"Doesn't loverboy know?" She said, faking a stupid shocked face.

Holy shit. Is this really happening?

"What? Know what? Melanie?"

"She had an abortion today." Chelsea laughed quietly, turned on her heel and walked to her car.

"Melanie?" Harry gasped. "Tell me she's lying."

"I'm so sorry Harry." I whispered.

He walked away from me right there. Nothing else, he just walked away.

"Harry wait!" I called running after him.

He turned around and looked at me, his eyes burning. "You were pregnant and had an abortion without even telling me?! That's why you was fucking ill wasn't it?"

I nodded. "I didn't know that then. I didn't find out until yesterday morning."

"And you already got rid of it?!" He laughed sarcastically. "Was you even going to tell me?!"

I shook my head. "It would have been easier that way Harry. There was no way I could have kept that baby. I didn't want you to talk me into keeping it. I'm not ready. It was a mistake."

He ran his fingers through his hair and started walking again but this time, I didn't follow. I watched as his body faded into the darkness and walked myself home.

How had me and Harry gone from eating pizza on the sofa to this in the space of an hour? Chelsea had to ruin it didn't she? Why can't she just let us be happy? Of course she had to find that fucking leaflet.

I growled at myself and rubbed my temples.

After staring blankly at a wall for half an hour wondering what to do with myself, the doorbell chimed through the house, making me jump.

I opened the door slowly and was relived to see it was Hannah and no one else.

"Oh Melanie..." She said as she walked inside.

She wrapped me up in a hug and I cried into her chest.

"I'm such an idiot Hannah." I sobbed. "Harry hates me now and it's all my fault. You were right, I should have spoken to him first and now it's too late... it's too late."

"Harry doesn't hate you Mel, he just needs time to think. He's hurt and kinda angry but once he's calmed down you'll be able to talk."

"You should of seen his face when he left me." I said with tears pooling in my eyes again. "What have I done Hannah? Why didn't I listen to you?" I got angry at myself again and Hannah rocked me back and forth until I had stopped crying.

"Do you want me to stay with you tonight?" She whispered.

"No, Liam goes tomorrow remember. You need to stay with him."

"You're more important than him, I need to make sure you're okay."

"No Hannah, I'll feel even worse about myself if you're here and not with him. You're the reason I got him back in England." I said letting out a chuckle.

"But I don't want to leave you."

"I'll be fine, I've got work in the morning anyway. I'll have an early night and work will take my mind off of how much of I hate myself." I smiled weakly and shrugged my shoulders. "Honestly Hannah, you need to be with Liam, not here worrying about me."

I hugged her tight and walked her to the door.

"Tell Harry I'm sorry? Please?"

She nodded her head. "See you tomorrow Mel."

With that she closed the door, leaving me alone with nothing but my own thoughts and the picture of how Harry looked at me tonight. It was the only thing swimming around my head and I could see the sadness in his eyes everytime I attempted to go to sleep.

I can tell this is going to be a long night.