Finding Yourself

chapter 32

I woke up to a knock on the bedroom door. I wasn't feeling any better than I did the day before and Harry wasn't beside me.

"Uh, Yeah?" I called rubbing my eyes.

The door opened and Hannah flopped onto the bed next to me.

"Good morningggg." She chimed.

"Hey." I smiled. "Where's Harry?"

"Gone to get breakfast, Liam has gone too."

"What about Niall and Louis?"

"No idea, they didn't come home last night." She laughed. "Maybe they got a bit huh?"

I laughed and my stomach churned again. I shot up out of bed and flew to the bathroom just in time.

I clenched my stomach and Hannah rushed in, pulling my hair into her hands.

I flushed the toilet and wiped my eyes before leaving the bathroom and sitting back down at the end of Harrys bed.

"Are you alright?" Hannah said quietly, sitting beside me.

"I don't know, I guess I'm ill." I sighed laying back.

"Mel erm, is there any chance ya know... you might be..." She paused and I looked up. She curved her hand over her stomach and shrugged.

"Pregnant?! No no no no no, no way!" I said as horrified as I felt.

"You're never ill Mel and now you're sex life is back on track you get stomach cramps and morning sickness?" She raised her eyebrows.

"No way, I can't be."

"So there's no chance at all that you could be pregnant?"

"I'm on the pill."

"It's not 100% guaranteed though. You need to at least check."

The thought never even crossed my mind but I knew Hannah was right. I did need to check.

We quickly got changed and headed into town to get a pregnancy test.

Once we were back at Harrys, I was glad him and Liam still were still out.

We went upstairs and locked ourselves in the bathroom. I gave the box to Hannah and she read the back of it.

"Okaaay... pee on this." She said handing me the test. "Then wait 5 minutes, if the line shoes up blue, it's positive."

Hannah turned around and I did as she said. I put the test on the cabinet and waited.

This was by far the longest 5 minutes I have ever sat through. Once the time was up I couldn't even bare to look at it.

"You look." I whispered to Hannah.

She walked over to the test and her eyes widened. "Holy fuck."

"No Hannah please don't say it." I said tugging at my hair.

"It's positive." She breathed.

My face fell and for the first time in my life I was speechless. I didn't want a baby. I can't bring up another person! I wasn't even sure I wanted kids and now I had one. Fuck. No no no no no!

"It'll be okay." Hannah said hugging me. I didn't even realised tears wear falling from my eyes.

"I can't..." I started. "I can't keep it."

"Sure you-"

"No Hannah I can't. I'm not ready, it was a mistake. I don't want to be a mum." I looked down at my knotted fingers. "I don't want it." I whispered.

"Shouldn't you talk to H-"

"No! I'm not gunna tell him. I'll have an... I'll have an abortion." I sighed. "There's no way I can bring up a baby."

"You can't just get rid of it without telling Harry."

"I can and I will. He might talk me into keeping it and I can't. It's my body. Please Hannah please don't tell him. And don't tell Liam either."

"Fine." She sighed. "But I don't agree with what you're doing."

"You don't have to." I said rubbing my temples. "But I do want you to come with me."

"Okay." She whispered. "I'll be there for you, you know I will."

"Thanks."

I put the test back in the box and put it and the bottom of my bag.

"Hello St James' medical centre how may I help you?"

"Hello uh, My name is Melanie Jones. I'd like to book an... an abortion please."

"How old are you miss Jones?"

"19."

"Okay love, how about tomorrow morning at 9am?"

"Yes that's fine. Thankyou."

"Tomorrow at 9!" I called downstairs to Hannah.

"What's happening tomorrow?" Harry smiled making his way upstairs.

Shit.

"We're going to see our friend Mia." I said quickly. "She's an old school friend."

"That's nice." He said wrapping his arms around me and kissing my forehead. "I got you some pancakes you want some?"

"Yeah." I grinned. "Pancakes are my favourite."

"I know."

He bent down slightly and grinned at me. I hopped onto his back and he piggy-backed me downstairs and into the kitchen.

"You feeling better today Mel?" Liam asked.

"Uh yeah, I don't know what was up yesterday." I smiled weakly.

"That's good then." He smiled.

"Yeah..." I said quietly to myself. "Just perfect."