Finding Yourself

chapter 37

3 days Harry has been gone. 3 long days. I couldn't help but text him last night saying that I hoped he was okay but he didn't reply... and I didn't think he would.

I was upset and I did blame myself for Harry going to Ireland and upsetting him because it was my fault and I felt awful but everytime Hannah came round I would act okay and rarely spoke about him. I couldn't deal with Hannah giving me lectures all the time when I was upset because everything she would say to me would be true but I couldn't help wishing things were different.

The door bell rang but I didn't answer it. I hadn't answered to anyone in days. I didn't want to see anyone. The only person I'd have round is Hannah and she let herself in.

It continued to ring but I continued to ignore it... until someone shouted through my letter box.

"Mel?! Mel, It's Louis. I know you're in there, let me in." He whined.

I sighed loudly and pulled the door open. I didn't say anything to Louis, just waited for him to speak... but he didn't, he stepped through the door and pulled me into a hug.

"Uh, hi Louis." I said, wrapping my arms around him.

"I just came to see that you were okay. Me and Niall have been trying to see you for like 2 days! Why haven't you been answering the door?"

I shrugged. "Just didn't wanna speak to anyone. You and Niall are the last people I would expect to be round here anyways."

"Why?" He frowned.

"What do you mean why? Because I'm a fucking idiot that's why. I'd thought you'd be on Harrys side."

"We don't take sides Mel, you're our friend now. We wanted to make sure you was okay."

Hearing Louis say that made me feel a lot better. I expected him and Niall to hate me.

"Thanks." I half smiled. "And in answer to your question; I've been better. I just want to speak to Harry." I frowned.

"He's coming home today, he should be back in a few hours. I could tell him to come over if you want?"

I couldn't help but grin at what Louis had said. "No, it's okay. If he comes to see me, I want it to be because he wants to, not because someone told him to. I don't have the right to tell him what to do."

"But Niall came round here to get you to speak to Harry last time you was upset with eachother and things worked out okay then."

"Yeah but this time is different, It's a more important reason this time. I don't know, I just want him to decide whether he wants to speak to me or not."

"Fair enough." He smiled.

"I'm glad he's coming home though. I never expected him to go so far away." I frowned.

"He's done it before. He likes being around his mum when he's upset." Louis shrugged.

"Do you want a drink?" I smiled.

"No it's okay, I've gotta go. I'm now on the way to my sisters. I just came by to see if you'd answer today." He laughed. "I'm glad you're okay."

He hugged me again and left.

I was so glad Harry was coming back home and I really hoped he would come and see me tonight or even tomorrow. I didn't deserve him to give me the time of day but I wanted it more than anything.

I fell asleep on the sofa when Louis left and was woken up to my phone ringing. It was Hannah.

"Wassup?"

"Hey, you wanna come out tonight? My cousin is visiting and we're going into town."

Although the thought of getting drunk was very appealing, I couldn't. If Harry came over while I was out, I'd kick myself.

"Uh, no, I can't. Harry came home today and I wanna be home, just incase he comes round."

"Okay, you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Okay love ya Mel."

"Love you too." I chuckled and hung up. 

I watched the minutes tick by all night, silently hoping Harry would come over but by 8, I lost hope. He would of been home hours by now so if he was coming to see me, he would of by now.

Love actually came on TV so I stupidly watched it, not making me feel any better.

At about 10, the doorbell rang and my heart leapt into my mouth.

I flew from the sofa and yanked the door open, revealing the person I had been longing to see.

"Harry!" I squealed maybe a little too eagerly.

"Hi Melanie, can I come in?"

I stepped to the side and he wondered in, remembering to take his boots off, which made me smile.

"Harry I'm-"

"I shouldn't of left." He said cutting me off.

"What?"

"I shouldn't of gone to Ireland and left you. Especially without even telling you. You'd just had a, you know, an abortion and I just left you."

"That doesn't matter! It was all my fault, I don't blame you for anything. I didn't tell you I was pregnant and went through with it all without telling you anything, I'm a horrible person and I haven't forgiven myself, I never will. I'm so sorry."

"When did you find out?" He whispered.

"The morning after we went out, the morning you went and got pancakes with Liam. Hannah said I should do a test and honestly, if she hadn't of made me, I wouldn't of taken one. It didn't even cross my mind that I could be pregnant. I freaked out and the first thing I did was call the medical centre. I was no way ready for kids. I thought if I told you, you'd talk me into keeping it and I just wasn't ready. I couldn't of kept it. I had the abortion and I thought it was all done, I thought I could move on but of course it had to be Chelsea to find that piece of fucking paper."

"I wouldn't of made you keep that baby if you felt so strongly about not wanting too. It just hurts to know you didn't tell me, and you wouldn't of told me either if Chelsea hadn't would you?"

I shook my head. "I'm sorry." I whispered. "I don't know what else I can do."

"You can't do anything but I just wanted you to know I would of been there with you through that and you obviously didn't think I would of been." He frowned.

"No it wasn't that. I just knew that I didn't want to keep it and getting rid of it was the first thing I thought of. That sounds horrible but I was scared."

"I know." He said quietly. "That's why I shouldn't of left. I should of comforted you, not made you even more confused."

"I didn't deserve you comforting me. Don't blame yourself or feel bad for any of this because it's all my fault."

Just as Harry went to say something else, my phone rang. It was Hannah again.

"Hannah what do you want?!" I said slightly irritated that she had called, considering she knew Harry might be here.

"Melanie Jones?" A man asked from Hannahs phone.

"Who is this? Why do you have Hannahs phone?"

"Hello miss Jones, Im Doctor May. I'm here with Hannah, she's had an accident."

"What? Where is she? Is she okay?"

"Well, she's been shot."

"SHOT?!"

"Please calm down miss Jones. She asked us too call you. Are you able to come down to the hospital?"

"Y- Yes, of course, I'll leave right now!"