Finding Yourself

chapter 76

2 days to go. 2 days to go until I'd become Mrs Melanie Styles. I'd say the name hundreds of times a day in my head, just getting used to it and grinning from ear to ear each time.

Everything had been all over the place for the last couple of days, swapping between mine and Harrys house almost every night. Anne and Robin were staying over for the wedding and so was Zayn. A lot of my other family were also coming to the wedding, some of them I hadn't seen for months! I still never told my parents the date either so it'll be a miracle if they turned up. I didn't really want them there anyway to be honest. That sounds horrible but I'd be lying if I said otherwise.

We all decided to go out tonight and celebrate considering me and Harry were doing the whole traditional thing and not staying together tomorrow night. Originally, we wasn't going too do it but Anne said if we stayed together the night before the wedding, it'd give our marriage bad luck before we even tied the knot; so we decided to listen to her. I didn't need anymore bad luck... it was probably an old wives tale anyway but I wasn't taking any chances.

Me and Zayn went home to get ready and it was the first time we'd been on our own together for ages. I'd seen him much more in the past year than any other year he'd been working away but because so much has been going on, we didn't really have anytime together.

We were sitting in the living room watching old Inbetweeners episodes. I was doing my makeup, already starting to get ready for tonight but considering all Zayn had to do was have a shower and get changed, he didn't need to rush.

"What are you thinking?" Zayn asked as I buffed foundation into my skin.

"What do you mean?"

"You're getting married in 2 days... as in not tomorrow but the next day!" He chuckled. "You must be thinking something Mel."

I shrugged. "I just hope it goes okay, I don't want anything to go wrong... and I'm shit scared about walking down the isle. What if I fall over?" I laughed.

"You'll be holding onto my arm so you better not." He grinned.

I laughed and looked back into the mirror as I drew a line of eyeliner above my lashes. Out of the corner of my eye, I could tell Zayn was still looking at me. I glanced over at him and raised my eyebrows.

"What?" I shrugged.

"Nothing." He smiled shaking his head.

I sighed and put the mirror down, cocking my head. "Zayn, I'm not stupid."

"I just wish I was here that's all." He said, smiling faintly.

"What do you mean?"

"When all that shit kicked off with mum and dad."

The ache in my heart I had gotten scarily used to crept up again and I tried to shake it away. I took a deep breath and shook my head slightly.

"That's all forgotten now." I said, trying my best to give him a convincing smile.

"It's not though is it? I didn't know all that still affected you so much. You should of spoke to me."

"Of course it still affects me, doesn't it affect you?"

"I... well yeah, I guess. But-"

"Exactly. I'm gutted we never had proper parents that waited for us at the school gates. I'm gutted we never went on family holidays. I'm gutted we never really knew mum and dad. I mean if you think about it, we hardly spoke to them at all. We didn't know their favourite colour or their favourite food or how they met or when their birthdays were." My face stiffened and I shook my head. "We just knew that somewhere downstairs, they were injecting something or smoking something and passing out with their fucking junkie friends."