Finding Yourself

chapter 39

Harry sat down on the chair outside of Hannahs room and held me tight as I cried into his chest.

"It's okay baby, I'm here, it's okay." He whispered over and over.

Doctors rushed into Hannahs room and Harry put his hand over my ear and held my head into his chest as they pushed Hannahs bed away.

When I stopped crying Harry wiped my eyes and kissed my forehead. "Wanna go home?"

I nodded and crawled off of his lap but when my feet touched the floor, my legs went to jelly and I fell back down.

"It's okay baby." Harry soothed.

He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist, resting my head onto his shoulder.

His thumbs rubbed circles on my back and I was more than relieved to have him here, even if I didn't deserve him to be.

As we drove back to my house, warm tears continued to fall silently down my cheeks and Harry rested his hand on my thigh, trying to comfort me.

My house was still a mess from where I was trying to find my keys so I began to throw the cushions back onto the sofa but Harry stopped me.

"I'll do that." He said quietly.

I never imagined my life without Hannah. If I ever needed someone I'd go to her, if I was bored any time of the day I'd go to her, if I woke up at 3am and needed someone to talk to I'd go to her. She would be there for me all the time and she meant everything to me. Now she was gone. I will never see my bestfriend again and I don't know how I'll live without her. My heart ached and until now, I never understood what a broken heart felt like. I know a piece of me died with Hannah tonight and I have no idea how I'll be the same again.

Harry put the place back together and sat down, pulling me onto his lap where I began to cry again.

"I can't do this Harry, I hurt so much."

"You're allowed to hurt, don't fight it. If you want to sit here and cry for the next 6 hours, do it if that's what will make you feel better. I will stay with you."

"Thanks." I choked through my tears.

He held me tight and rocked me gently as I cried.

I woke up at 7am, still sitting on Harrys lap and he was asleep. For a nano-second I had forgotten what had happened last night until it all came back to me.

The dull ache in my heart became more apparent again and warm tears spilled down my cheeks. How am I going to get through this? Hannah would know. Hannah would have the answer. She would make me feel better and she's the only person I want to hug me and re-assure me that everything will be okay... and she can't.

Harry stirred and opened his eyes. He noticed the tears falling from my eyes and wiped them away. "I'm so sorry Melanie. It's killing me seeing you like this. You'll get through this okay? I promise."

He hugged me tight and stood up, stretching out his body that I had been sitting on for hours.

"I need Zayn here." I croaked.

I reached for my phone and took a deep breath before calling him.

"Mel?" He asked as he picked up the phone.

"Zayn, I need you." I said quietly.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?!"

"It's Hannah, she's..." I closed my eyes and swallowed hard. "She died last night."

Zayn gasped down the phone. "Oh my god. Mel, I'm- I-. How? Why?"

"I can't." I cried. "Please can you come home? I need you."

"I'm on my way. I'll leave right now. I'll see you soon."

He hung up the phone and I cried again. Harry noticed and sat down next to me.

"I'm sorry. I feel stupid." I said through my tears. "I just can't stop crying. You don't have to stay with me if you don't want."

"You can cry all you want, I'm not leaving you. You've just lost your bestfriend of course you'll be crying. I'm staying with you."

His words brought me hope and I'm glad he was staying with me. God knows what would happen if I was on my own.

I dragged myself into the shower and put on some clean clothes. I let my natural waves hang around my shoulders but I looked dreadful. My eyes were red and puffy and I looked like I hadn't slept in about a week. I thought about concealing it but I'd cry away all the makeup anyway so I didn't bother.

Soon after, the doorbell rang and Zayn burst through the door.

"Mel?!" He called.

I rushed towards him and he swallowed my body into his chest causing me to cry, yet again.

"C'mon Mel, it's okay." He soothed rubbing my back with his hand.

Once I was calmer we went into the living room and I sat on the sofa next to Harry.

"Y'alright mate." Zayn said quietly.

"Iya bro." Harry said nodding his head.

Zayn sat on the other sofa and I took a deep breath, wiping my face.

"So... er, what happened to her?" Zayn asked.

"She was shot, in the stomach." I said closing my eyes. I pictured the white bandage and winced. "She was in a bar and men in masks came in wanting money from the till. They fired the gun to scare people but it hit her." I shrugged. "And now she's gone." My bottom lip quivered and Harry laced his fingers through mine.

"Fucking hell." Zayn shook his head. "I can't believe it, I don't know what to say."

"I should of been there." I choked. "She asked me to come out and I said no. I could of saved her. I-"

"Don't do that to yourself." Harry frowned. "It's not your fault and you couldn't of changed anything."

"He's right." Zayn agreed. "Don't you dare blame yourself."

I looked down at my hand in Harrys and squeezed it tight.

You've got Harry now. He'll look after you.