Finding Yourself

chapter 33

I quietly climbed out of bed at 8am, even though I didn't really sleep much. I got changed and pulled my hair into a bun before slowly turning the door handle, trying not to wake Harry. Just as the door opened, Harry rolled over

"Not gunna say goodbye?" Harry said, with his raspy morning voice.

"I didn't want to wake you up." I said walking over to him.

He wrapped his arms around me and I wanted to cry.

"Have a good time pretty girl."

He placed a kiss on my forehead and I forced a smile before leaving his bedroom.

"Hannah?" I whispered as I got outside Liams room.

She appeared from the dark room seconds later and quietly closed the door.

We hardly spoke to eachother until we got into my car.

We drove to the medical centre and followed the signs in the car park to the abortion clinic.

I pulled up outside and just stared at the doors for a while.

"Are you sure you want to do this Mel?" Hannah whispered.

"Yeah, I can't keep this baby, there's no way I'm ready I-" My eyes filled with tears and I angrily wiped them away. "This wasn't meant to happen. I'm so scared Hannah."

She squeezed my hand tight.

"Look at me Mel, you're gunna be okay. No one will find out about this. Soon this will all be over and we can go home and never speak of it again. I'm gunna be with you through it all and you'll be fine."

I nodded my head and we wondered into the small waiting room. I gave my name to the woman at the desk and me and Hannah sat down.

I couldn't sit still. Nerves and fear ran through me at once.

"Melanie Jones." A woman called.

My body went stiff and Hannah grabbed my hand pulling me up. "C'mon Mel."

"Oh, she can't come in with you miss Jones, she'll have to wait out here for you." The woman said, looking at us. I shot a worried look at Hannah and she sat back down.

"You'll be fine Mel, I'll be right here okay."

I nodded my head and followed the nurse into a small room.

--

I put my jeans back on and relief flooded through me that this was now over.

"No exercise or sex for 2 weeks miss Jones and you must have showers aswell, no baths." She handed me a box of pills. " And you'll need to take one of these every day for the next 15 days." She patted me shoulder. "You'll be fine miss Jones."

"Thankyou." I said quietly.

I left the small room and walked back over to Hannah. She got up as soon as she saw me and walked over.

"Are you okay?" She said, pulling me into a hug.

"Yeah." I sighed. "I really want to go home now." I half smiled.

"Your home or Harry's?"

"Mine. I'll drive you to Harry's first though. Liam goes back to Spain tomorrow and I don't want you wasting your time with me, you've done enough by coming with me."

"Are you sure you'll be alright?"

"Yeah, I think so."

She pulled me into another hug and we walked back out to the car.

"If Harry asks where you are, what do you want me to say?" She asked as I pulled up outside Harrys house.

"Say I went shopping or something. I just need to sort myself out. Have a breather ya know and I'll be okay. I'll probably come over later." I smiled.

She nodded and undone the door.

"Thanks Hannah. I mean it. I couldn't of done that without you."

We hugged again and Hannah made her way inside.

Once I pulled up outside my house. I'd never felt happier to be home.

I sat down on the sofa and started to cry. What I'd just done and all the emotional I was feeling was all rolling away from me with every tear that escaped my eyes. I don't think what had happened, really sunk in until now. At least it was over. It was a mistake. A stupid mistake and I had to try my hardest to push it away to the corner of my mind.

I dragged myself upstairs and had a shower. I scrubbed my skin for longer than I normally do, trying to wash away today, wash away the memories that I now had until the day I died. Getting rid of the baby was my decision and it was the right thing to do yet I couldn't help feel bad about it.

"At least it's over now." I kept telling myself.

I woke up 2 hours later still wrapped in a bath towel. I had 3 text messages from Hannah and 2 missed calls from Harry.

*Are you okay?*

*Are you coming over?*

*Mel what are you doing?*

*Been asleep, I'm sorry. I'll be over soon Han.* I replied.

After that I called Harry who was probably worried about me.

"Melanie where have you been?!" He rushed.

"I fell asleep, I didn't mean to worry you."

"Jesus christ." He sighed. "Where are you?"

"At home but I was now coming over to yours."

"Good, I've missed you." He smiled.

"I've missed you too Harry."

I hung up the phone and sighed.

I got dressed, applied some makeup to conceal the dark circles under my eyes and then left for Harrys... even though finding makeup good enough to use was a challenge considering most of my stuff was at Harrys..

"You can do this Mel." I told myself as I parked up outside his house.

I took a deep breath and opened the door. I could hear people chatting and laughing from inside. I walked into the kitchen and Harry wrapped his arms around me.

"Hello my little sleepy head." He placed his lips on mine and I felt 10x better than I did before I walked in.

"Hey." I grinned.

"Mel listen to this." Hannah laughed. "Niall and Louis did get some the other night, I told you didn't I?!"

"Really?" I laughed. "Who?"

"No idea." Louis shrugged.

"They were hot though." Niall added. "And they were twins."

"Well done then! I guess?" I chuckled.

"Are we getting pizza tonight?" Liam said rubbing his stomach.

"Don't we have pizza every night?" I laughed.

"Then why stop now?" Louis winked. "Who's ordering?"

"I'll do it." Harry said, grabbing his phone.