Finding Yourself

chapter 78

It took me longer than normal to get to sleep last night, partly because Harry wasn't beside but mostly because I was so excited for today! It still doesn't seem real that I'm getting married. When I spilled coffee over Harry all them months ago, it never even crossed my mind that he would be the guy I come to marry! It was all so surreal to me but I wouldn't change anything for the world! I was awake pretty early. Way earlier than I needed to be. I quickly pulled on some loose jogging pants and one of Harrys hoodies and quietly went downstairs so I wouldn't wake Anne or Robin. I pulled out one of the white flowers from my wedding bouquet that Anne had brought for me and headed for my car.

"Morning Hannah." I grinned, sitting crossed legged infront of her. "Todays the day! I brought you this." I placed the flower infront of her headstone and smiled. "I know you'll be there somehow and I know you'll be able to see me in my dress somehow but I just wanted to bring you this anyways. I really wish you were with me today and I'm sorry that you're not."

I sat in silence for a while wondering what it would be like if Hannah was there and how we'd plan everything and how excited we'd get. It was fucking shit that we didn't get to go through that together and I don't even know who I can take it out on because Jack couldn't give two shits. Then my parents came to mind and I sighed.

"Hey Hannah, if you really are watching over me... if my parents come to this wedding, make sure they don't kick off." I smiled and rolled my eyes. "You know what they're capable of."

I sat there for a few more minutes discussing the wedding and how excited I was but then I glanced at my phone screen and nearly had a heart attack.

"Shit." I whispered. "I really have to go now. I'll come and see you again after my honeymoon, Me and Harry are going to Spain!" I grinned. "Love you loads Han."

I rushed down the path and back into my car and luckily the traffic was on my side. I made it home with time to spare so I decided to calm myself down with a cigarette. Harry desperately wanted me to quit again and I said I would. I kind of was... I wasn't smoking half as much as before I met him and I'd cut down a lot since I started again when Hannah died. One more won't hurt.

I dug my cigarettes out from the kitchen drawer along with my trusty pink lighter and pushed open the patio door. I lit the cigarette between my lips and inhaled deeply.

"Don't worry, I won't tell Harry."

I spun round and smiled. "Zayn! I didn't know you'd be here!"

He smiled and pulled me into a hug. "I came to see you before the wedding. My suit is at Harrys. How you feeling?"

"Excited!... but as the wedding is getting closer, I'm getting a little more nervous! Not bad nerves... I just don't want to fall over!"

Zayn laughed. "I won't let you fall over, I promise."

I smiled and nodded. "Mum and dad might be coming aswell. Aunt Linda told her about it."

"Aunt Linda can't keep anything to herself." Zayn chuckled, shaking his head. "What did you tell mum?"

"I said they could come if they wanted but I warned them not to ruin it for me and if they were planning on causing trouble, they're not welcome. It's not really mum I'm worried about though. It's dad. He's still fucking clinging onto Jack! I've told him loads of times that he nearly killed me but it's not getting through to him, like what the fuck is up with that?! If he says anything but good things about Harry, I swear, shit will hit the fan." I scrunched up my face and narrowed my eyes.

"Hey, leave them to me. If they have any bit of sense left in them, they'll be happy for you... for you both. If not, I'll deal with them. I'm not having either of them ruin your wedding day. I mean it, I've got you okay?"