"What We Have.." (Ruth)

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ATTENTION: Trigger warning. Please note that this is a trigger warning. I promise that all of you are worth love and adoration towards your bodies, and you should never hurt yourself because of how you think of yourself. Please don't hesitate to call this number, the suicide hotline, if anything, thoughts, feelings, comes into your mind: 1-800-273-8255 (this is the US suicide prevention hotline, just so you know), and don't hesitate to send me a message, because I will always be there for you. Thank you, enjoy the imagine.

This is another self-harming imagine, but this is a bit different than my usual ones, but I hope y'all still understand it.. I'll explain it in a note at the end if you dont.

Ruth - stay strong, I love you and everyone on here loves you.

Also, to all my beautiful fans who send me all the sweet messages ~ as I've said before, the literal reason I continue writing & posting on here is because of what you all tell me it does for you. Thank you. Keep sending love and know Im sending it back. 

{I love comments, loves}

*Ruth's POV*

"You and Justin.. Are you together or are you not?"

I lick my lips. What am I supposed to say?

"We are." I nod.

"You are? Alright, and how is that going?" 

"I'm learning, he's learning, day by day.. We're both trying to keep our life together as private as possible, because I've had experience where.. The media And the publicity singlehandedly ruins a relationship.. And I just don't want that to happen, so we're doing all we can to make certain that doesn't happen, but we're... We're alright for now."

"And.. And how are you, Ruth?" He eyed me, knowing exactly what I felt like at this very moment somehow.

"Thank you.. for asking. I'm.. Alright. In the scheme of things."

-

I run my hands down my face as I think back to my answers at the interview.

Why did I have to say that? Why does everybody have to butt into my life? 

Justin..he's going to see this, if he hasn't already... And he'll just be more angry with me...

"Ruth! Hey, Ruth?" I heard a Familiar voice call.

"In my r-room!"

I heard footsteps on the stairs and Justin burst through the door.

"Ruth."

~ *FLASHBACK* ~

"You're cutting yourself? Ruth! How could you? You know what happened last time!"

"I-I know! I c-can't help it, okay! I'm sorry!"

"You," He shook his head in disapointment and seeing him so disappointed in me made me feel worse, so, with him standing before me, not helping or healing me, I pressed the blade against my skin once more. "Ruth! You must be joking! Stop it! I'm standing right here, I.."

"Stop it! You're not helping me, okay! You're making me worse and you don't even care!"

"No, Ruth, I.." He bent down and tried to wrap his arms around me. My bloody self.

"No. Don't touch me!" I screamed at him, collapsing in a heap of tears, half of me wanting him to get the hell out of here and let me be alone, half of me wanting him to wrap his arms around me and tell me everything was gonna be okay.

But I knew better than that.

We'd fought constantly the past few days and this.. This was the final straw. I knew all he wanted to do was heal me, fix me, but he couldnt. I was permanantly broken. And at the moment, he wasn't showing me he cared.

~ *END OF FLASHBACK* ~

"Ruth? Are you alright? You look like you just saw a ghost..." Justin tells me, almost in a whisper.

I sniffle. "What are you doing here?"

"I.. I didn't come to apologize," my head dropped. "I came to do much more than that. C-can I come closer?"

I looked up and into his eyes, his sorrow making me crumble.

I nodded and he stepped toward me. Closer and closer until he sat on my bed beside me.

"I.. You.. It.." He shook his head and let out a soft chuckle. "I can't find the right words to tell you how I feel, Ruth. How I've always felt, even when it didn't seem like I cared at all.. So I'm just going to do what I do best. Sing."

His lip trembled as he started, "Oh, yeah, yeah yeah yeah, mmm. I wait on you forever, and a day, hand and foot, your world is my world. Aint no way you ever gon' get any less than you should, cause baby, you smile, I smile, oh. Cause whenever you smile, I smile, hey, hey, hey. Your lips my biggest weakness, shouldn't have let you know.. I'm always gonna do what they say. If you need me, I'll come runnin from a thousand miles away.." He takes a deep, shaky breath. "When you smile.. Ruth, I, smiiilee,"

My lips trembles as he finishes. The way that the lyrics related so closely to what we had gone through.. The way he'll 'do whatever I say' and when I told him to leave he did..

"Ruth.." He gently laid his fingers on my hand as he saw me thinking hard. "I know nothing can really forgive me.. Nothing and no one, but I want you to know how I feel about you. How I've always  felt about you.. I love you. And..when the time came that you needed me most.. I-I failed you, and I'm so so sorry. I.. I always will be.. Just, please, know that.. What you said earlier, in that interview.. I know you, babe. I know you well enough to see in your eyes when you said that you felt like you wanted to mean it.. I.."

I laced my fingers with his and he looks up, eyes filled with hope.

"We're both learning, right?"

He grinned.

"I don't want one stupid mistake to mess up what we have."

Justin smiled wider. "Ruth?"

"Yes?"

"I'm gonna kiss you now,"

I giggled. "Alright."

And he pressed his lips against mine. And I knew that he really had healed me.

<3

{A/N: So, basically, Ruth had been selfharming for a year or two but she was able to get out of it with Justin's help. Then, nine months after being clean, Justin finds Ruth in their bathrom cutting himself, and he kind of freaks out a little bit and they seperate, but only for a few days. Then, she goes to the interview and is asked about Justin. She doesn't really know what state they are in, so she says theyre together for the sake of the publicity. Then, Justin sees what she's said and wants to win her back, so he goes to her house and once she looks at him the flashback happens (so you guys know what happened) and then they make-up! Hope you liked this one and it wasnt too confusing. xx}

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